In a class I teach for adults, I recently did the “unpardonable1.” I gave the class homework! The assignment was to “go to someone you love within the next week and tell them you love them. It has to be someone you have never said those words to before or at least haven''t shared those words with for a long time.”

Now that doesn t sound like a very tough assignment, until you stop to realize that most of the men were over 35 and were raised in the generation of men that were taught that expressing emotions is not “macho.” Showing feelings or crying (heaven forbid!) was just not done. So this was a very threatening assignment for some.

At the beginning of our next class, I asked if someone wanted to share what happened when they told someone they loved them. I fully¹ expected one of the women to volunteer6, as was usually the case, but on this evening one of the men raised his hand. He appeared quite moved and a bit shaken.

As he unfolded out of his chair(all 6 2" of him), he began by saying, “Dennis, I was quite angry with you last week when you gave us this assignment. I didn t feel that I had anyone to say those words to, and besides, who were you to tell me to do something that personal8?

“But as I began driving home my conscience started talking to me. It was telling me that I knew exactly who I needed to say I love you to.

“You see, five years ago, my father and I had a vicious² disaGREement and really never resolved it since that time. We avoided seeing each other unless we absolutely had to at Christmas or other family gatherings³. But even then, we hardly spoke⁴ to each other.

“So last Tuesday by the time I got home I had convinced myself I was going to tell my father I loved him.

最近在我执教的一个成人班级里，我干了一件“不可饶恕的”事情。我居然给班上的学生布置了一份家庭作业！任务是“下周之内要走到你所爱的人面前，告诉他们你爱他。此人必须是一位此前你从未对之说过此话的对象，或至少很久没有与他们交流过这些爱意盎然的话语了。”

听起来这不像是一份苛刻的任务，直到你意识到这个班里多数男生已年逾35岁。何况在他们成长的那个年代，他们受到的是这样的灌输：流露情感没有“阳刚之气”。人们不会轻易流露情感和哭泣(老天也不允！)。因此对某些人来说，这是一项令人生畏的任务。

第二次上课一开始，我就问：当你告诉别人你爱他/她时，结果怎样？有没有人愿意讲一讲？我满心指望像平常一样，某位女士能自告奋勇，但是这天晚上，一位男士举起了手。他看上去很受感动的样子，还有一点颤抖。

当他从座椅上直起身来时(他身高6英尺2英寸)，他这样说道：“丹尼斯，上周你给我们布置任务时，我很生你的气。我认为我没有什么人需要我说那些话，而且，你是谁？凭什么让我们去干这种涉及隐私的事？

“但我驱车回家时，我的良知开始与我对话。它告诉我，我确实知道需要向谁说‘我爱你’这句话。

“你瞧，5年前，我与父亲发生了激烈的争执，而且从此再也没有消除隔阂。我们互相回避，除非绝对必须出席圣诞节聚会或其他的家庭聚会。但甚至在那些场合，我们彼此几乎也不说一句话。

“因此，上周二到家时，我确信自己做得不对，打算告诉父亲我爱他。