The New York Times reported that over half of the births to US women younger than 30 occurred outside of marriage in 2009. Most of the ongoing¹ rise of births to unmarried women occurred to couples living together but unmarried. So why don’t these young women want to get married?

纽约时报》报道，在2009年，30岁前怀孕的美国女性中有超过半数是未婚生子。这一数据目前还在持续增长。这里面的很多女性是跟爱人处在未婚同居的状况。为什么她们不想结婚？

Here are seven of the areas that the women who answered my question, “What is the most important thing you wish you had known before you were married?” mentioned most frequently。

对此我进行了一个调查，我的问题是“什么是你在结婚前最想知道的事情？” 以下7件事是她们提到次数最多的回答：

1. I wish I’d known what marriage is really like。

我希望自己知道婚姻的真实面目。

Many of these women got most of their information (really misinformation) about what marriage was supposed to be like from the media and they believed it until reality struck。

婚姻应该是什么样的？大部分女性都是从媒体获得的相关信息(其实都是错误信息)，她们对这些深信不疑，直到受到现实的冲击。

2. I wish I’d known more about myself。

我希望我更了解自己。

These women had very little idea of who they were or would like to be when they were not trying to please the people around them。

在卸下取悦他人的面孔后，很多女性根本不知道自己是谁，自己想成为什么样的人。

3. I wish I hadn’t been in such a hurry so I could’ve taken the time I needed。

我希望我没有如此赶着结婚，这样我就能一切慢慢来。

These women feel pressure to marry prematurely² both internally³ from themselves and from others。

这些女性对于自己和伴侣在不够成熟的状况下走入婚姻表示很有压力。

4. I wish I knew just how much family patterns could influence us。

我希望我了解家庭模式会对我们的婚姻造成怎样深远的影响。

These women were so surprised by how difficult it was to blend⁴ their own ideas with their husbands’ family influenced ideas of what marriage was supposed to be like。

这些女性在婚后发现，很难将自己和丈夫因为不同家庭环境影响而产生的对婚姻根深蒂固的看法融合到一起。

5. I wish I’d known that bad behavior can get worse。

我希望自己知道坏行为只会变得更糟糕。

This very common response came from women who made excuses for their fiance’s behavior before marriage. They were surprised that they weren’t able to change it。

这是那些为自己的未婚夫在婚前的不良行为找借口的女性的共同反应。她们在婚后发现丈夫根本改不掉那些习惯。

6. I wish I’d paid a whole lot more attention to money。

我希望我有更关心钱的问题。

Some women surprised themselves by how capably⁵ they managed money once they were forced to do so. Others realized how they have given away their power by not taking joint⁶ responsibility for the couple’s money。

有些女性很惊奇的发现，一旦她们被迫理财，她们就会发现自己在钱财问题上多么精明能干。还有一些则意识到没有跟丈夫共同承担家庭财务责任，其实是放弃权力的做法。

7. I wish I’d known what it really takes to makes a marriage work。

我希望我知道怎么样才能经营好一段婚姻。

Many of these women shared the challenges they had met in the lessons they’ve learned⁷ along the way to help them eventually make their marriages work。

很多女性在经营婚姻的道路上都面临过同样的挑战，正是这些挑战让她们慢慢摸索出了如何才能经营好一段婚姻。