We guys always hear the rules from our women. Here are Our rules.

我们男人总是听女人制订的规则，而以下就是我们男人的规则。

1 Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

有困难时，除非你们需要人帮忙解决，否则不要来找我们。我们就是帮你解决问题的。如果为了博取同情，请去找你们的女朋友。

2 Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

哥伦布不需要有人给他指点航行方向，我们也不需要。（我们男人开车的时候，你们女人最好不要乱指方向。）

3 You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

你们女人可以请我们做事或者告诉我们该怎么做。但是你们不能在求我们做事的同时还要告诉我们该如何做。如果你们已经知道怎么做最好，那么就请你们自己做吧。

4 If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

如果我们问你们怎么了，而你们说“没事”，那我们只能装作没事一样。我们不是不知道你们在说谎，只是觉得不值得为此小题大做而已。

5 If you ask a question you don't want an answer to; expect an answer you

do not want to hear.

如果你们女人问我们一个不想知道答案的问题，那么请做好去听你不想听到的答案的心理准备。

6 If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us.

如果你们女人觉得自己胖，那么你大概就是胖。不要过来问我们。

7 Most guys own three pairs of shoes--tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

我们男人大多只拥有三双鞋——这很好。难道你们女人会以为我们男人善于从30双鞋子中挑出与你们的衣服相配的那一双吗？

8 Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that

way.

逛街购物不是做运动，永远都不是。男人永远不会将二者等同而看。

9 BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

啤酒之于我们就像手提包之于你们，会令人兴奋异常。

10 Thank you for reading this. Yes. I know, I have to sleep on the couch¹ tonight, but did you know, it's like camping.

谢谢你们女人看完上述条目。是的，我们知道今晚我们得睡沙发，但是你们知道么，睡沙发犹如露营，我们一点不在乎。

女人篇: What Women Say and What They Mean

If you (men) have a good knowledge of these WORDS WOMEN USE, you have a better than average chance of actually surviving a negative encounter.

如果男人能很好地掌握这些“女士用语”，那么就会有更大的把握化险为夷。

1 FINE：很好

This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

争吵中，如果女人说了这个词，就意味着她觉得自己很对，你该闭嘴了。

2 FIVE MINUTES：5分钟

If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping² around the house.

女人换衣服时，5分钟相当于半小时。如果她给你5分钟的时间看球赛然后帮她整理房间的时候，那么5分钟就是5分钟而已。

3 NOTHING：没什么

This means "something", and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards³. "Nothing" usually signifies⁴ an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".

没什么意味着“有什么”，而且麻烦大了，所以你要保持警觉。女人说“没什么”的时候通常是在想怎么来来回回折腾你。“没什么”一般表示一场争论要持续“五分钟”，还会以“很好”作为结束。

4 GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows)：往下说（同时挑起眉毛）

This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".

这意味着一种挑战。女人说这话时会因为“没什么”而心烦意乱，然后再以“很好”这个词来结束对话。

5 GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)：往下说（同时表情正常）

This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a "Raised Eyebrow⁵ Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

这意味着“我不管了”或者“想干什么就干吧，我可不在意”。然而数分钟后，你就会听到“挑起眉毛的‘往下说’”，紧接着是“没什么”和“很好”，而且她会和你谈大概“五分钟”的时间，直到她冷静下来。

6 LOUD SIGH：大声叹息

This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "loud sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot⁶ at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing⁷ here arguing with you over "Nothing".

这不是一句话，而是非言辞的一种表达，它常被男人误解。女人大声叹息意味着她认为那一刻的你实在是一个白痴，而且不明白自己为什么浪费了这么多时间站在这里来跟你争论一些“没什么”的事情.

7 THAT'S OKAY：还好

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty⁸ big trouble.

女人对男人所能说出的最危险的话之一就是that's okay。“还好”意味着她在报复你所做过的事之前要好好地想上一段时间。从某种程度上来说，你很快就会碰到非常大的麻烦了。

8 PLEASE DO：请这样

This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".

这不是普通的陈述，而是一个提议。女人说这句话的目的其实是给男人一个为其所作所为找个借口或理由的机会。你也可以说实话，但得小心谨慎，这样就不会听到"That's Okey"。

9 THANKS：谢谢

A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say "you're welcome".

女人对你说谢谢的时候，别犯晕，说一声“不客气”就可以了。

10 THANKS A LOT：多谢

This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticking off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous⁹ way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh" as she will only tell you "Nothing".

这句“多谢”大大有别于“谢谢”。当女人其实在责备你时，她会说：“多谢”。这表明你已经无情地触犯了她，接下来，你会听到“大声的叹息”。注意不要在女人“大声叹息”之后关怀她，因为她只会以“没什么”来回应你。