In the eighteen years that I lived in that house, I stepped into Hassan and Ali's quarters only a handful of times. When the sun dropped low behind the hills and we were done playing for the day, Hassan and I parted ways. I went past the rosebushes to Baba's mansion¹, Hassan to the mud shack² where he had been born, where he'd lived his entire life. I remember it was spare, clean, dimly lit by a pair of kerosene³ lamps. There were two mattresses⁴ on opposite sides of the room, a worn Herati rug with frayed⁵ edges in between, a three-legged stool, and a wooden table in the corner where Hassan did his drawings. The walls stood bare, save for a single tapestry⁶ with sewn-in beads⁷ forming the words "Allah-u-akbar". Baba had bought it for Ali on one of his trips to Mashad.

It was in that small shack that Hassan's mother, Sanaubar, gave birth to him one cold winter day in 1964. While my mother hemorrhaged to death during childbirth, Hassan lost his less than a week after he was born. Lost her to a fate most Afghans considered far worse than death: She ran off with a clan⁸ of traveling singers and dancers.

Hassan never talked about his mother, as if she'd never existed. I always wondered if he dreamed about her, about what she looked like, where she was. I wondered if he longed to meet her. Did he ache for her, the way I ached for the mother I had never met? One day, we were walking from my father's house to Cinema Zainab for a new Iranian movie, taking the shortcut⁹ through the military barracks near Istiqlal Middle School—Baba had forbidden us to take that shortcut, but he was in Pakistan with Rahim Khan at the time. We hopped¹⁰ the fence that surrounded the barracks, skipped over a little creek¹¹, and broke into the open dirt field where old, abandoned tanks collected dust. A group of soldiers huddled¹² in the shade of one of those tanks, smoking cigarettes and playing cards. One of them saw us, elbowed the guy next to him, and called Hassan.

"Hey, you!" he said. "I know you."

We had never seen him before. He was a squatly¹³ man with a shaved head and black stubble on his face. The way he grinned at us, leered, scared me. "Just keep walking," I muttered to Hassan.

"You! The Hazara! Look at me when I'm talking to you!" the soldier barked. He handed his cigarette to the guy next to him, made a circle with the thumb and index finger of one hand. Poked¹⁴ the middle finger of his other hand through the circle. Poked it in and out. In and out. "I knew your mother, did you know that? I knew her real good. I took her from behind by that creek over there."

The soldiers laughed. One of them made a squealing¹⁵ sound. I told Hassan to keep walking, keep walking.

"What a tight little sugary cunt she had!" the soldier was saying, shaking hands with the others, grinning. Later, in the dark, after the movie had started, I heard Hassan next to me, croaking¹⁶. Tears were sliding down his cheeks. I reached across my seat, slung¹⁷ my arm around him, pulled him close. He rested his head on my shoulder. "He took you for someone else," I whispered. "He took you for someone else."

我在家里住了十八年，但进入阿里和哈桑房间的次数寥寥无几。每当日落西山，玩了一天的哈桑和我就分开了。我穿过那片蔷薇，回到爸爸的广厦去；哈桑则回到他的寒庐，他在那儿出世，在那儿度过一生。我记得它狭小而干净，点着两盏煤油灯，光线昏暗。屋里两端各摆着一床褥子，一张破旧的赫拉特（Herati，阿富汗西部城市）出产的地毯四边磨损，摆在中间。屋角还有一把三脚凳，一张木头桌子，哈桑就在那上面画画。此外四壁萧然，仅有一幅挂毯，用珠子缀着"Allah u akbar"（真主伟大）的字样。那是爸爸某次去麦什德（Mashad，伊朗城市）旅行时给阿里买的。

1964年某个寒冷的冬日，正是在这间小屋，哈桑的母亲莎娜芭生下了哈桑。我的妈妈因为生产时失血过多而谢世，哈桑则在降临人世尚未满七日就失去了母亲。而这种失去她的宿命，在多数阿富汗人看来，简直比死了老娘还要糟糕：她跟着一群江湖艺人跑了。

哈桑从未提及他的母亲，仿佛她从未存在过。我总是寻思他会不会在梦里见到她，会不会梦见她长什么样子，去了哪里。我还寻思他会不会渴望见到她。他会为她心痛吗，好比我为自己素昧平生的妈妈难过一样?有一天，为了看一部新的伊朗电影，我们从爸爸家里朝扎拉博电影院走去。我们抄了近路，穿过独立中学旁边的军营区——爸爸向来不许我们走那条捷径，但当时他跟拉辛汗在巴基斯坦。我们跨过围绕着军营的藩篱，跳过一条小溪，闯进那片开阔的泥地，那儿停放着积满尘灰的废旧坦克。数个士兵聚集在一辆坦克的影子下抽烟玩牌。有个士兵发现了我们，用手肘碰碰身边的家伙，冲哈桑嚷嚷。

“喂，你！”他说，“我认识你。”

我们跟他素不相识。他又矮又胖，头发剃得很短，脸上还有黑乎乎的胡茬。他脸带淫亵，朝我们咧嘴而笑，我心下慌乱。“继续走！”我低声对哈桑说。

“你！那个哈扎拉小子！看着我，我跟你说话呐！”那士兵咆哮着。他把香烟递给身边那个家伙，用一只手的拇指和食指围成圆圈，另外一只手的中指戳进那个圈圈，不断戳进戳出。“我认识你妈妈，你知道吗？我和她交情不浅呢。我在那边的小溪从后面干过她。”

众士兵轰然大笑，有个还发出一声尖叫。我告诉哈桑继续走，继续走。

“她的蜜穴又小又紧！”那士兵边说边跟其他人握手，哈哈大笑。稍后，电影开始了，我在黑暗中听到坐在身边的哈桑低声啜泣，看到眼泪从他脸颊掉下来。我从座位上探过身去，用手臂环住他，把他拉近。他把脸埋在我的肩膀上。“他认错人了，”我低语，“他认错人了。”