Usually, each neighborhood held its own competition. But that year, the tournament was going to be held in my neighborhood, Wazir Akbar Khan, and several other districts--Karteh-Char, Karteh-Parwan, Mekro-Rayan, and Koteh-Sangi--had been invited. You could hardly go anywhere without hearing talk of the upcoming tournament. Word had it this was going to be the biggest tournament in twenty-five years.

通常，每个街区都会举办自己的比赛。但那年，巡回赛由我所在的街区，瓦兹尔·阿克巴·汗区举办，几个其他的城区--卡德察区、卡德帕湾区、梅寇拉扬区、科德桑吉区--也应邀参加。无论走到哪里，都能听见人们在谈论即将举办的巡回赛，据说这是二十五年来规模最大的风筝比赛。

One night that winter, with the big contest only four days away, Baba and I sat in his study in overstuffed leather chairs by the glow of the fireplace. We were sipping¹ tea, talking. Ali had served dinner earlier--potatoes and curried² cauliflower over rice--and had retired³ for the night with Hassan. Baba was fattening⁴ his pipe and I was asking him to tell the story about the winter a pack of wolves had descended⁵ from the mountains in Herat and forced everyone to stay indoors for a week, when he lit a match and said, casually⁶, "I think maybe you'll win the tournament this year. What do you think?"

那年冬天的一个夜里，距比赛还有四天，爸爸和我坐在书房里铺满毛皮的椅子上，烤着火，边喝茶边交谈。早些时候，阿里服侍我们用过晚餐--土豆、咖喱西兰花拌饭，回去跟哈桑度过漫漫长夜。爸爸塞着他的烟管，我求他讲那个故事给我听，据说某年冬天，有一群狼从山上下来，游荡到赫拉特，迫使人们在屋里躲了一个星期。爸爸划了一根火柴，说:"我觉得今年你也许能赢得巡回赛，你觉得呢?"

I didn't know what to think. Or what to say. Was that what it would take? Had he just slipped me a key? I was a good kite fighter. Actually, a very good one. A few times, I'd even come close to winning the winter tournament--once, I'd made it to the final three. But coming close wasn't the same as winning, was it? Baba hadn't "come close". He had won because winners won and everyone else just went Home. Baba was used to winning, winning at everything he set his mind to. Didn't he have a right to expect the same from his son? And just imagine. If I did win...

我不知道该怎么想，或者该怎么说。我要是取胜了会怎么样呢?他只是交给我一把钥匙吗?我是斗风筝的好手，实际上，是非常出色的好手。好几次我差点赢得冬季巡回赛--有一次，我还进了前三名。但差点儿和赢得比赛是两回事，不是吗?爸爸从来不差点儿，他只是获胜，获胜者赢得比赛，其他人只能回家。爸爸总是胜利，赢得一切他想赢得的东西。难道他没有权利要求他的儿子也这样吗?想想吧，要是我赢得比赛……

Baba smoked his pipe and talked. I pretended to listen. But I couldn't listen, not really, because Baba's casual little comment had planted a seed in my head: the resolution that I would win that winter's tournament. I was going to win. There was no other viable⁷ option. I was going to win, and I was going to run that last kite. Then I'd bring it Home and show it to Baba. Show him once and for all that his son was worthy⁸. Then maybe my life as a ghost in this house would finally be over. I let myself dream: I imagined conversation and laughter over dinner instead of silence broken only by the clinking of silverware and the occasional grunt⁹. I envisioned us taking a Friday drive in Baba's car to Paghman, stopping on the way at Ghargha Lake for some fried trout¹⁰ and potatoes. We'd go to the zoo to see Marjan the lion, and maybe Baba wouldn't yawn and steal looks at his wristwatch all the time. Maybe Baba would even read one of my stories. I'd write him a hundred if I thought he'd read one. Maybe he'd call me Amir jan like Rahim Khan did. And maybe, just maybe, I would finally be pardoned for killing¹¹ my mother.

爸爸吸着烟管，跟我说话。我假装在听，但我听不进去，有点心不在焉，因为爸爸随口一说，在我脑海埋下了一颗种子：赢得冬季巡回赛是个好办法。我要赢得比赛，没有其他选择。我要赢得比赛，我的风筝要坚持到最后。然后我会把它带回家，带给爸爸看。让他看看，他的儿子终究非同凡响，那么也许我在家里孤魂野鬼般的日子就可以结束。我让自己幻想着：我幻想吃晚饭的时候，充满欢声笑语，而非一言不发，只有银餐具偶尔的碰撞声和几声"嗯哦"打破寂静。我想像星期五爸爸开着车带我去帕格曼，中途在喀尔卡湖稍作休憩，吃着炸鳟鱼和炸土豆。我们会去动物园看看那只叫"玛扬"的狮子，也许爸爸不会一直打哈欠，偷偷看着他的腕表。也许爸爸甚至还会看看我写的故事，我情愿为他写一百篇，哪怕他只挑一篇看看。也许他会像拉辛汗那样，叫我"亲爱的阿米尔"。也许，只是也许，他最终会原谅我杀了他的妻子。

Baba was telling me about the time he'd cut fourteen kites on the same day. I smiled, nodded, laughed at all the right places, but I hardly heard a word he said. I had a mission now. And I wasn't going to fail Baba. Not this time.

爸爸告诉我有一天他割断了十四只风筝的线。我不时微笑，点头，大笑，一切恰到好处，但我几乎没有听清他在说什么。现在我有个使命了，我不会让爸爸失望。这次不会。