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为什么你应主动交代你的前任?
添加时间:2015-03-09 18:59:34 浏览次数: 作者:未知
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  • The last thing you want to hear out of a partner's mouth is the name of his or her ex -- but talking about an ex doesn't always signal romantic doom1. In fact, it can help build a solid foundation for your current relationship.

    从你的恋人口中,你最不想听到的就是前任的名字——可是,谈论前任并非总意味着你和他的恋情快要终结,相反,这能为你当下的恋情奠定坚实的基础。

    Experts say the individual growth that leads to healthy, stable relationships begins with heartbreaks, and one of the best ways to turn past disappointments into future relationship successes is to share these experiences with your new partner.

    专家告诉我们,一段良好的、稳固的恋情来自心痛和心痛后的个人成长。对你现在的恋人坦白那些心痛经历是从过去的痛苦中解脱,迈入新的成功恋情的最好的方式之一。

    But how should you broach2 the subject? If you've kept in touch with your former flames on social media platforms such as Facebook, you've got an easy in, said Dr. Linda Young, a psychologist .

    你要怎么开口谈论这个话题呢?心理学家,琳达·杨说,如果你与你的前任在脸书网这样的社交网络平台上还有联系,你就可以顺利的引入这一话题。

    But dredging up stories of past flames can be treacherous3, and it's worth taking the time to think about how to do it right. Here are five things to know before talking about an ex with your partner.

    但是重提旧事,谈论你的前任可能有点背叛现任的味道,所以,花点时间想想如何正确处理此事将很有必要。在你向恋人谈论你的前任之前,要先了解如下五件事情。

    1.Recalling past relationship mistakes makes you less inclined to repeat them.

    反思自己在旧的恋情中曾犯过的错误能让你避免重蹈覆辙。

    When you've been dumped, areas of the brain associated with addiction4 as well as physical pain light up, said Helen Fisher, chief scientific adviser5 to Match.com and a senior research fellow at The Kinsey Institute. Human brains have evolved to "attach" to other people after forming romantic bonds. When a relationship ends and that attachment6 severs7, there's a huge emotional and physiological8 hit. After that, brain regions associated with processing what happened fire up.

    Match.com的首席科学顾问,金赛研究所的高级研究员海伦·菲舍说,当对方提出分手的时候,你的大脑中那些与依恋感和心理疼痛感相关的区域都会趋于兴奋。在你和他人建立恋爱关系的时候,大脑会衍生出一种对对方的“依恋”感。当恋情告终,这种依恋关系断裂的时候,你就会感到巨大的情感和心理打击。在这之后,大脑中相应的应对区域就会兴奋起来。

    2.Talking about past relationships can give your partner insight into who you are.

    谈论过去的恋情能让你的恋人深入地了解你。

    Aside from the evolutionary9 benefits, talking about your exes can help you communicate to your new partner how you grew into the person you are today. Often, romantic relationships serve as learning experiences that let you test the boundaries of your interests and needs. Reflecting on a past relationship can even help you find out something about yourself that you may have missed during the relationship and breakup.

    除了脑部机制这方面的好处之外,谈论你的前任还有助于让你的新伴侣了解你是如何成长为现在的你的。恋爱关系往往能成为你了解自身的契机,让你更好的看清自己的爱好和需求所在。反思过去的恋情能有助于你更好地了解自己,了解你在那段恋情中所缺失的是什么,而这种缺失的东西正是你们分手的原因。

    3.When it comes to talking about an ex, timing10 is everything.

    当你准备谈论前任的时候,选好时机是最关键的。

    The beginning of a new relationship may not be the best time to drop the ex bomb. Fisher explained that there's no hard and fast rule when it comes to timing, but you probably want to give a relationship time to develop before adding in any emotional third parties -- i.e., avoid talk of your ex on the first date.

    刚开始一段新恋情的时候或许不是谈论前任这样严肃话题的最佳时机。菲舍解释说,至于何时为最佳时机,没有固定不变的准则,不过,或许你会想先给当下的感情一点时间发展壮大,然后再涉及到感情上的第三个人——也就是说,在初次约会的时候要避免提到你的前任。

    4.Remember that perception may not match reality.

    记住,现实的才是最好的。

    When Fisher polled a representative sample of 5,000 Americans for Match.com recently, she asked people how long it takes them to get over an ex and found the average answer was about three months.

    菲舍最近在Match.com网站上对5000名美国人做了一个抽样调查,她问这5000人,他们要花多长时间才能忘掉前任,最普遍的答案是三个月。

    "But you know what? It's one of the few things I didn’t believe," she said. "I actually don't believe that. I've seen people take 10 years."

    “但是你知道吗,这是世上我绝不相信的事情之一。”她说:“我当真不能相信。我见过有人花十年才能忘掉前任的。”

    However long it may take you to get over an ex, how you talk about that person when you're in a new relationship can reveal a great deal. If you're still grieving over an ex, that can create a barrier between you and your current partner and signify that you're not "over it."

    无论你要花多长时间才能忘掉你的前任,当你开始新的恋情时,你向对方谈论前任的方式都会表现出来你对前任的态度。如果你仍在怀念前任,就会在你和现任的恋人之间设立一个障碍,告诉对方你的上一段恋情还没有“了结”。

    You can still have fond memories of your exes and bring them up occasionally, but be wary11 of spending too much time dwelling12 on the past.

    你可以对前任仍然怀有美好的回忆,也可以想起他们,但是如果你花了太多时间回忆过去,这就要引起警戒了。

    5.Know that the reason you're talking about your ex is to move forward, not backward.

    要明白,你谈论前任的原因是你要向前走,而不是向后退。

    Once you've shared the lessons of past relationships with your partner, it's best to continue to get to know him or her, form a new bond and create new memories -- don't let your current relationship stagnate13. There's always more to learn about the relationship at hand, so you'll need to give it as much attention as possible.

    当你和恋人分享了关于上一段恋情的教训之后,最好是进而去了解对方,然后双方建立新的情感联系,创立新的记忆——不要让你当下的恋情搁浅。对当下的恋情,你永远应该更多地了解它,应该给予它尽可能多的关注。

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    1 doom [du:m] gsexJ   第7级
    n.厄运,劫数;vt.注定,命定
    参考例句:
    • The report on our economic situation is full of doom and gloom. 这份关于我们经济状况的报告充满了令人绝望和沮丧的调子。
    • The dictator met his doom after ten years of rule. 独裁者统治了十年终于完蛋了。
    2 broach [brəʊtʃ] HsTzn   第10级
    vt. 提出;钻孔;开始讨论;给…开口 n. 钻头;凿子;胸针(等于brooch) vi. 突然横转
    参考例句:
    • It's a good chance to broach the subject. 这是开始提出那个问题的好机会。
    • I thought I'd better broach the matter with my boss. 我想我最好还是跟老板说一下这事。
    3 treacherous [ˈtretʃərəs] eg7y5   第9级
    adj.不可靠的,有暗藏的危险的;adj.背叛的,背信弃义的
    参考例句:
    • The surface water made the road treacherous for drivers. 路面的积水对驾车者构成危险。
    • The frozen snow was treacherous to walk on. 在冻雪上行走有潜在危险。
    4 addiction [əˈdɪkʃn] JyEzS   第8级
    n.上瘾入迷,嗜好
    参考例句:
    • He stole money from his parents to feed his addiction. 他从父母那儿偷钱以满足自己的嗜好。
    • Areas of drug dealing are hellholes of addiction, poverty and murder. 贩卖毒品的地区往往是吸毒上瘾、贫困和发生谋杀的地方。
    5 adviser [ədˈvaɪzə(r)] HznziU   第8级
    n.劝告者,顾问
    参考例句:
    • They employed me as an adviser. 他们聘请我当顾问。
    • Our department has engaged a foreign teacher as phonetic adviser. 我们系已经聘请了一位外籍老师作为语音顾问。
    6 attachment [əˈtætʃmənt] POpy1   第7级
    n.附属物,附件;依恋;依附
    参考例句:
    • She has a great attachment to her sister. 她十分依恋她的姐姐。
    • She's on attachment to the Ministry of Defense. 她现在隶属于国防部。
    7 severs [ˈsevəz] eb765f65d3310773d977468629157a1d   第9级
    v.切断,断绝( sever的第三人称单数 );断,裂
    参考例句:
    • He shut his eyes to the severs reality. 对于这严峻的现实,他是闭着眼睛不肯看的。 来自《用法词典》
    • It practically severs the Mediterranean. 实际上是将地中海分开。 来自辞典例句
    8 physiological [ˌfɪzɪə'lɒdʒɪkl] aAvyK   第7级
    adj.生理学的,生理学上的
    参考例句:
    • He bought a physiological book. 他买了一本生理学方面的书。
    • Every individual has a physiological requirement for each nutrient. 每个人对每种营养成分都有一种生理上的需要。
    9 evolutionary [ˌi:vəˈlu:ʃənri] Ctqz7m   第9级
    adj.进化的;演化的,演变的;[生]进化论的
    参考例句:
    • Life has its own evolutionary process. 生命有其自身的进化过程。
    • These are fascinating questions to be resolved by the evolutionary studies of plants. 这些十分吸引人的问题将在研究植物进化过程中得以解决。
    10 timing [ˈtaɪmɪŋ] rgUzGC   第8级
    n.时间安排,时间选择
    参考例句:
    • The timing of the meeting is not convenient. 会议的时间安排不合适。
    • The timing of our statement is very opportune. 我们发表声明选择的时机很恰当。
    11 wary [ˈweəri] JMEzk   第8级
    adj.谨慎的,机警的,小心的
    参考例句:
    • He is wary of telling secrets to others. 他谨防向他人泄露秘密。
    • Paula frowned, suddenly wary. 宝拉皱了皱眉头,突然警惕起来。
    12 dwelling [ˈdwelɪŋ] auzzQk   第7级
    n.住宅,住所,寓所
    参考例句:
    • Those two men are dwelling with us. 那两个人跟我们住在一起。
    • He occupies a three-story dwelling place on the Park Street. 他在派克街上有一幢3层楼的寓所。
    13 stagnate [stægˈneɪt] PGqzj   第12级
    vi. 停滞;淤塞;变萧条 vt. 使淤塞;使沉滞;使萧条
    参考例句:
    • Where the masses are not roused, work will stagnate. 哪里不发动群众,哪里的工作就死气沉沉。
    • Taiwan's economy is likely to stagnate for a long time to come. 台湾经济很可能会停滞很长一段时间。

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