Can you really make new friends as an adult? I mean, there's plenty advice out there on how to help kids make friends. But if you don't have friends by the time you're an adult, it seems the world hands you a dunce cap and shows you to the corner.

作为一个成年人，你真的能够结交新朋友吗？我是说，小孩可以获得各种交友建议。但是如果成年了的你还没有任何朋友，似乎是这世界给了你一顶傻瓜帽，然后你戴着它站在墙角。

After all, many adults have all the friends they need or want, right? People get married, have kids and have little time for others outside their family. Doesn't that make it harder to meet new people after a certain age?

毕竟，大多的成年人都会有他们需要或者想要的朋友，对吧？人们结婚，生子，没有时间出去交际应酬。如此一来在到了某个年龄段交友是不是变得越来越难？

Well, yes and no. Depending on your geographic¹ location, yes, many people “settle down” after a certain age. But not everyone. And while it may take a little more time to “warm up” a new friend as an adult, it can certainly be done.

当然，是与否。取决于你的地理位置，若是，因为大多数人到了某个年纪都会安定下来。但并非每个人都会那样。也许成年人需要多花点时间去熟络新朋友，最后肯定会成功。

In fact, many of the techniques kids instinctively² use to make friends on the playground work for ages 4 thru 104. So here are 5 habits of highly social children that can help you make friends even if you're way past your school days.

事实上，小孩在运动场上惯用的交友技巧普遍适用于4岁-104岁的人。所以，下面善于交际的小孩的5个习惯能够帮助你去结识朋友，即使你已经告别学生时代。

1.LEVERAGE³ CURRENT SOCIAL ASSETS⁴

1.充分利用现有的社会资源

I remember back in Kindergarten （before I got awkward）， I would make friends through other friends. One buddy⁵ might have a birthday party where I'd meet other kids. Some would become new friends. It's not quite as easy as an adult, but the same principle applies. First ask yourself, who are you already around on a normal basis? This might include:

我还记得在幼稚园的时候（在交友技巧变拙劣前），我能够通过别人认识新朋友。某个伙伴开派对，我们就可以在派对上结交其他的小孩。其中一些就会成为朋友。这对成年人来说不怎么容易，但道理都一样。首先，问问你自己平常都跟谁在一块？可能包括：

Current friends 现在的朋友

Coworkers 同事

Family members 家庭成员

Then, be aware of invites from these “social assets” and say yes to birthday parties, reunions, holiday events, after work drinks, company picnics, etc. At these events, you'll likely meet new people who are friends of friends or family.

然后，要对这些社会资源有所意识，积极对他们的邀请做出回应，像生日派对，聚餐活动，假日活动，下班小酌，公司野餐等等。出席了这些活动，你就可能遇见来自朋友或家人的朋友。

2.GO TO INTEREST GROUPS, NOT BARS

2.加入兴趣组织，而非酒吧

Some kids are really active going to gymnastics, band, theater and more. Ideally⁶, these are activities the kids enjoy. And there lies the magic. You have a group of kids, all doing something they love, together. That's where the bonding⁷ comes. There's seldom any shared activity or interest in a bar. The common thread in bars, if there is any, is people go there to socialize. So, the greatest “socializers” win. If you aren't that comfortable socializing, you strike out. Instead, why not go somewhere you know the people will share your interests? For example, if you're interested in writing, it's a good bet⁸ members in a writer's group will be too. So you have an instant connection with them and a built in topic to start conversations.

一些小孩在去练体操，组乐队，看戏剧……时他们会显得特别活跃。其实，这些活动都是小孩们真正享受的。妙就妙在这里，一群小孩因为他们共同的爱好而聚在一起。这个共同点将他们连在一起。若在酒吧就不会有这样的共同兴趣活动了。硬要说有的话，那就是人们都是到这里来社交的。所以，肯定是“交际家”取胜。为什么不到一个有共同兴趣的地方去呢？如果你喜欢写作，加入作家协会将是个不错的选择。这样你就可以与他们保持联系，然后制造一个话题开始讨论。

3.FIGURE OUT YOUR MOST IMPORTANT VALUES

3.认识你最闪光的价值

Another reason kids make friends easily is they have a lot in common. Kids believe:

小孩交友容易的另一个原因就是他们有太多共通点。他们相信：

Playing is important

玩耍很重要

Slides are cool

滑滑板很酷

Candy is good

吃糖是好事

It's not so clear cut with adults is it? We've developed our likes and dislikes over time. But the playground rules still apply: You connect deeply with others by having similar values to them. Now, of course you shouldn't go adopting values and beliefs just to fit in. No, you figure out the things most important to you then express them in your words and actions. Yes, this means you might turn off some people who don't share your values. But you're more likely to connect with those who do.

成年人的喜好就迥然不同了对吧？经过岁月的洗礼我们都会养成喜欢这个或讨厌那个的习惯。但操场规则依然生效：通过相同的价值观，你能跟别人从内心深处去交往。现在，你当然没必要刻意去迎逢别人的价值观和信仰。但是，你要认识出对你来说最重要的东西，然后用你的语言和行为表达出来。的确，这样会将不同价值观的人拒之门外。但你也更有可能结交志同道合之人。

4.GO TO THE SAME PLACE AT THE SAME TIME

4.固定时间去同一地点

Kids in school see each other every day in the classroom, on the playground, on the bus… It becomes easier to notice, get to know, and eventually like Mary or Jake when you see them so often. For adults, repeat exposure⁹ and time spent together still work wonders. Try going to the following on the same days of the week at the same time of day:

学校里的孩子每天都能够在教室、操场、巴士上碰面。久而久之这样就更容易注意对方，了解对方，甚至是喜欢上对方。对于成年人来说，提高见面的频率和时间，同样能够产生如此奇迹。试着在一周的某天或某天的同一时间去固定的地方：

A local coffee shop

当地咖啡店

The gym

体育场

A low-key local pub¹⁰ （not a club or “hoppin” bar）

低调的当地酒吧（不是俱乐部或很“嗨”的酒吧）

There may be others who visit at those same times also. Plus, the staff will start to recognize you. Over time, you can get to know them and they'll become comfortable with you from the mere-exposure effect.

那里可能也会有其他人在这个时间出现。另外，工作人员也会开始注意你。时间久了，你就会了解他们，他们也会因单纯曝光效果而跟你熟络起来。

5.SHARE MORE ABOUT YOURSELF

5.更多地展现自己

Kids, at least the very social ones, will often say, “hey look what I can do.” Even if all they're doing is sticking out their tongue. And hey, people look. The point is, these kids get noticed. They don't fade into the background. This can be a problem for adults, especially us introverts¹¹. We enjoy our privacy¹² more than most. The thing is, just like those outgoing kids, you'll get noticed and often liked more when you speak up and let others get to know you. The good news is, you don't have to have verbal¹³ diarrhea to do this. Just reveal¹⁴ little tidbits about yourself throughout a conversation.

小孩，算得上是很有交际能力的，他们会经常说：“嘿看看我能做什么。”即使他们所做的只是吐吐舌头。但注意，人们就是会看他们。其关键在于，这些小孩得到了注意。而非成为背景。这却是我们成年人，尤其是内向的成年人的问题。我们现在比以往都要沉浸在自己的世界里。重要的是，学习一下那些外向的小孩吧，大声地说话让大家了解你，这样你就更能够得到别人的关注和喜爱。值得庆幸的是，你不必像别人大吐特吐你的内心世界，只要在交流中稍稍透露一点真实的你就行了。

When talking about your job, mention how your brother inspired your career moves.

当谈论到工作，你就一笔带过说你的兄弟是怎样鼓舞你创业的。

Ask what they like to do for fun, then reveal your favorite free-time activities.

问问他们喜欢找什么样的乐趣，然后再说出你空闲时最喜欢的活动。

Show vulnerability¹⁵ once you get to know each other, like how you try to eat better but keep hitting Dunkin' Donuts.

一旦了解了彼此，就透露一些缺点，比如你想吃得健康营养，却又不停地吃Dunkin‘甜甜圈。