1. Make a show of describing your “terrible” journey to work.

作秀般地讲述可怕的上班之路。

2. Go to the canteen to buy toast to recover.

去餐厅买点烤面包填饱肚子。

3. Make a cup of tea.

泡一杯茶。

4. Have a quick look at the news on the internet while you eat your toast.

吃烤面包的同时，快速浏览下网页新闻。

5. Check Facebook.

刷刷脸书。

6. Check Twitter.

看看推特。

7. Check Instagram.

玩玩图片分享。

8.Check Facebook again.

再刷刷脸书。

9. Click on an enticing¹ link about a celebrity².

点开一则有关明星的新闻链接。

10. Have a look at your emails. 382!

看一眼邮箱，发现竟然有382封邮件！

11. Decide you need to “get on top of your inbox” before you get stuck into work.

埋头工作前，决定看看第一封邮件。

12. Think you could probably do with another cup of tea before you crack on.

开始辛苦的工作前，觉得可能要再来杯茶。

13. Offer your whole department a cup of tea.

给整个部门的同事沏茶。

14. What, no milk left? Sure, you don’t mind nipping out for some!

什么，没有牛奶了？溜出去买点牛奶！

15.Instagram a funny pub chalkboard you see on the way to the shop.

买牛奶的路上看到一块滑稽的酒吧黑板，分享到图片分享软件上。

16. Swing by accounts on your way back up to ask about an invoice³.

离开时向售货员要张发票。

17.show them your funny picture.

让他们看看那张滑稽图片。

18. Make tea for your department.

给整个部门的同事沏茶。

19. Announce that you are “snowed” and can’t do anything until you’ve sorted these emails

抱怨自己被邮件压垮，整理好邮件之前什么也做不了。

20. Mark the important-looking ones as unread and come back to them later.

将看似重要的邮件标记为未读，稍后再返回查看这些邮件。

21. Why not make a load of folders⁴ and categorise them before reading too?

看邮件之前，为什么不建几个文件夹将邮件分类呢？

22. Tweet about what a nerd you are for making your “geeky email folders”.

发个推特，说说自己整理这些讨厌的邮件文件夹是多么脑残。

23. Make another cup of tea.

再沏杯茶。

24. Check your Twitter notifications to see if anyone’s favourited your email geek joke.

打开推特动态提醒，看看是否有人赞了你那条整理邮件文件夹的奇葩推文。

25. Have a look at Facebook and see a notification that it’s a friend’s birthday.

打开脸书，看到一条朋友生日提醒。

26. Google image search ‘happy birthday lol’ to find something good to post on their wall.

搜索“生日快乐”之类的图片，选几张发到朋友的照片墙。

27. Click on a quiz link your mate’s posted.

点击进入朋友转发的一个测试连接。

28.Tell your Facebook how psyched you are that an Otter⁵ is your spirit animal.

发条脸书状态，说说自己喜欢水獭是多么疯狂。

29. Look at Twitter notifications for RTs and favourites on your nerd joke again.

再刷新几次推特动态提醒，看看有没有好友请求，或者是否有人赞了那条奇葩推文。

30.New emails since you’ve last checked – organise⁶ them in your new folders.

刚刚又收到了新的邮件——把新邮件放进新的文件夹。

31. Have a look at the intranet to see what’s on the canteen menu today.

浏览下公司内网，看看餐厅今天的菜单。

32. Tweet Burgers for lunch!

发条推文：“午饭吃汉堡！”

33. Read “urgent” email from your marketing⁷ nemesis⁸ about a brief you’ve apparently⁹ missed.

营销部的“扫把星”给你封紧急邮件，里面说明了你尚未完成的任务。

34. Go and talk to your marketing nemesis who has obv not made what they want clear if you’ve not done it.

虽然他们并未说清自己到底需要什么，但你还是跑过去告诉他们自己是否已经完成任务。

35. Insist to them that you’ve never seen said brief before.

坚称自己之前根本没有看到过这个任务。

36. Call all brief “stakeholders” to a meeting to go over it again.

召集所有的“相关人员”开会，再次仔细讨论该任务。

37. Go to the canteen for meeting snacks.

去餐厅拿点零食，开会时吃。

38. Go to the bathroom while you’re up.

会前去趟洗手间。

39. Make tea for the meeting.

沏杯茶，开会时喝。

40.Stop off at your friend in design’s desk afterwards to bitch about marketing nemesis.

正好经过朋友的办公桌，像朋友讲几句营销部扫把星的坏话。

41. Check Facebook.

刷刷脸书。

42. Check Twitter.

看看推特。

43.Check Instagram.

玩玩图片分享。

44.Check Facebook again.

再刷刷脸书。

45.Follow up meeting with an email to project “stakeholders” about the process of the brief.

给“相关人员”发送邮件，实时播报任务进展。

46. Colour code it.

给邮件标色。

47. Categorise your new emails into folders so that you can get stuck into working through them after lunch.

把新邮件放入文件夹，这样午饭后就可以埋头工作了。

48. Go for lunch.

吃午饭。

49. It’s been a mad morning, Take an hour.

真是个疯狂的早晨，一小时过去了。

50. Pick up post for your department from the post room on your way back.

回来时，从传达室挑选出你所在部门的快递。