1. Conversations matter more than chiseled¹ features.

1. 与欺骗人的特征相比，对话更重要。

Dating in Los Angeles provides a fair share of “slashers" (actor/model, musician/actor, actor/waiter), and plenty of people who are still relying on their good looks from high school to replace substantive² conversations. It quickly became clear that I much preferred going out with an intelligent, clever guy than a hot one. I’ll take the brains over the body, any day.

洛杉矶的约会能提供不少的“配对项”（演员配模特、音乐家配演员、演员配招待员），还有很多人仍（在相亲时）仰赖他们高中时期的好相貌，而无视意义重大的对话。很快我便明白了，比起身材好的男生，我更喜欢跟头脑好的聪明男生约会。不管是哪一天，我都更看重对方的头脑而非身材外貌。

2. Being a woman with a great job is polarizing.

2. 拥有一份好工作的女性正在极化。

But it weeds out the bad guys who are intimidated³ by your success and attracts the good ones.

不过这也排除了被你事业成功吓呆了的不良对象，并吸引来优质男。

3. It's OK to walk away from something and not apologize for it.

3. 你并不用为自己逃避问题而道歉。

I went out with plenty of men who seemed nervous or shy online thinking that maybe they were really great guys that I'd click with in person. But when we met, I was usually bored to tears. Feeling obliged to give them a shot anyway didn't do either of us any favors.

我同许多在网上看上去紧张或害羞的男性出去约会过，我想也许他们真的是不错的男性。我应该亲自去见见面。然而当我们碰上面，我总会无聊到眼泪都要流出来了。觉得无论如何都应该给他们一次机会这种想法，对我们双方都没多大帮助。

4. There’s no such thing as becoming just friends.

4. 与相亲对象只做朋友，绝无可能。

After going on a date where zero romantic attraction manifested, but the guy was seemingly interesting or cool, friends often said, “Well maybe you guys can be friends!” Nope. That never happened -- and that's fine! Got plenty of friends.

赴约后，两人之间没有擦出任何恋爱火花，而对方看上去又属于有趣或酷酷的类型时，朋友们便老是说：“恩，也许你们能成为朋友！”不要。这绝不会发生。（而且也不需要！我有这么多朋友。）

5. Talking about yourself is exhausting.

5. 谈论自己很费神。

I much prefer to ask questions and listen. Explaining your own career trajectory⁴ over and over again feels more like an interview than it does a fun night out on the town.

我更喜欢问对方问题并倾听。一次又一次地解释你自己的职业道路更像一场面试，比不上城里的一次欢快夜游。

6. I got a new motto: life before love.

6. 我有了一句新格言：先享受人生再去爱。

If you aren't out there going on adventures, traveling, learning new things and reading new books, you won't have much to talk to your date about. Always choose the experience. It will make you far more interesting.

如果你没有出门冒险、旅游、学习新事物、读新书，你便不会有多少话题与约会对象谈论。总是选择去体验吧，它将让你更有趣。

7. Reading between the lines is important.

7. 读懂话外音很重要。

I quickly learned that lines like “I just want to meet someone I can have fun with” and “everyone takes this dating thing so seriously,” really mean “I just want to have sex.” If that's what you're looking for, then great! If not, move along.

当对方对我说“我只想见能一起愉快玩耍的人”或是“每个人对待约会都这么严肃”这样的话时，我很快就明白他们的真实意思是“我就想和你上床。”如果这是你在寻求的，那么太棒了！如果不是，那便转身离开吧。

8. I have a really strong stomach.

8. 我承受力真的很强。

I'm not talking 7-minute abs. Trusting your gut⁵ is one of the greatest superpowers that human women possess. When someone wrote something slightly off-color over text, it was usually just the tip of the iceberg⁶. Seven-minute gut checks became the theme of online dating, and learning that my intuition was usually right was one of the best assurances I’ve ever had.

我并不是在说七分钟练出腹肌。相信直觉是人类女性所拥有的最伟大超能力之一。当某些人写的内容稍微有点黄段子的意味时，这往往只是冰山一角。“七分钟直觉确认”成为了网络约会的一大主题，而我也知道了自己的第六感总没错，这一点是我目前最确定的事情之一。