I know you can think of a time when you were networking and a very smiley, ambitious attendee came up and shook your hand, eagerly offering their business card and a 20 minute spiel of what they do. No matter what their line of work, you're instantaneously bored just because of how they started the conversation. That's because nobody actually enjoys listening to others talk about themselves. Certainly not a long ramble¹ without an invitation.

想象一下，在一次社交活动中，一个笑容灿烂，有雄心的参与者过来跟你握手，接着热心地递给你名片，同时针对他的工作进行了20分钟的高谈阔论。不管他们从事什么行业，你会立刻觉得反感，仅仅由于他们搭讪的方式。实际上，那是因为没有人喜欢听对方谈论他们自己。当然，没有邀请函的一次漫游除外。

But even though you might be annoyed by the idea, can you also remember a time when you were at a similar event and then ended up being that person?

但即使你可能被这件事打扰了，可你也许会想起，某次，你也处于类似的事件中，而结果你就是那个“参与者”？

Maybe it happened because you actually think what you do is interesting to everyone or you were nervous about what you should be doing in that environment and you were just trying to fill conversation.

也许类似情况发生过，由于你认为，你所做的对每个人来说是件有趣味的事，或者是你在那种场合下，对自己该怎样做感到很紧张，仅仅是尽量做到有话可说。

But doing this is how you end up further back from where you started.

但这样做恰恰会导致最终结果更背离你的初衷。

When you approach the idea of networking as a ‘do or die' situation, you're going to get nothing (especially valuable contacts) out of it. In a world full of social media generated conversation, “building relationships” is one of the biggest buzz phrases — and with good reason. You're not going to be remembered unless you've provided value . And blabbering on and on to grow awareness² of what you do professionally and how you can be hired isn't valuable. You need to go above and beyond to be different than everyone else by tailoring the conversation to always benefit others. These steps will help you become the most interesting person in the room (even if you're an introvert) and grow a strong and valuable network of people:

当你处于“决一死战”的社交情形时，你从中什么也得不到（特别是有价值的信息）。在这个以谈话交流作为社交媒介的世界里，“建立社交网络”是最热门的词汇，且有足够的理由那样做。你不会被人记住，除非你给了他们 好处 。胡扯你专业意识的提升和你如何能被雇佣，是毫无价值的。如果你要出席一场社交活动，应该追求从中获利的最大化。 你需要超越自己，做到与众不同，还要精简谈话内容从而获益。这将使你在特定空间内成为最有魅力的人（即使你是性格内向的人），并使你变成一个强大而有价值的社交达人：

1.Be picky about giving out business cards. When someone approaches me with a business card in my hand before I can even introduce myself, they're already dismissed as someone I would be interested in learning about. You are not more legitimate³ to me if you printed your information on a fancy piece of paper. You've only wasted more trees by giving them to people you don't know are interested in working with you. Carry only a couple of cards with you at a time and don't even pull your wallet out to trade until you've had a conversation that would lead you to believe there is a possibility to work together or help grow your networks. (Don't feel bad if you run out. You were just that popular.)

1.设定在分发名片上。 当有人接近我，甚至在我还没自我介绍，就顺手把名片递给我时，那么我可以不理他们，因为他们认为我理应去认识他们。把你的个人信息印在一张奇幻的纸上，对我来说，是非常合理的。给那些在场的陌生人分发奇幻的纸，你仅仅是浪费了些木材，但他们会觉得跟你合作一定很有趣。每次仅随身带些纸牌，甚至你不用拿出皮夹子去交换名片，你已经获得了谈话机会，那会促使别人考虑与你合作的的可能性或扩大了你的社交范围。（假如用完了也不要泄气。反正你也出名了。）

2.Drop the elevator speech. The idea of having a pitch ready before you even arrive should make you want to gag. Because it will definitely have that effect on your unexpecting audience. You don't need to recite business goodness to impress. Just feel out the environment and go with the flow. Obviously you'll be asked what you do for a living because that's what we have been trained to do in conversation. What will really intrigue⁴ is if you take this opportunity to explain how you help people reach their goals. When phrased this way, it makes you sound like a superhero. To give you an example, if you and I met I would say that “I help businesses grow brand awareness and increase sales by teaching and helping⁵ create content with social video”. That's much more interesting than the typical ‘position, title, and opportunities I'm open to' speech. I've shaped my explanation to lead to relevant conversation that will leave an impression on my audience, possibly triggering referrals or perhaps looking at their own needs to see how I can help them.

2.直奔主题。 在到达之前你就有这种超前想法，也许会让你有种想要呕吐的感觉。因为它将会对你不期待的听众产生重要影响。你不需要背诵商业道德来加深印象。只要摸清环境，顺其自然就行。很明显你会被问到，你是做什么谋生的，因为那就是我们培训中提到的谈话时所要做的事。真正的诡计是你是否利用这个机会来讲解你是如何帮助人们达到他们目标。如果这样措辞，会使你听起来像个超级英雄。举个例子，假如我和你偶遇，我会说：“通过教学和辅导创作社交视频，我能提高企业品牌知名度并提高销售量。”那样与对‘我所拥有的职位、头衔和机会'的传统演讲相比，会更有吸引力。我已经形成了针对相关谈话的独特演讲能力，这样会给我的听众留下好印象，或许会被举荐，或许会根据他们所需看我怎样能帮助他们。

3.Don't talk. Ask questions and then listen. Like I said before, no one likes to hear other people talk about themselves. But they will think you're the most interesting person in the world if you want to know more about them. So ask questions and listen. Learn about the people you're networking with and actually build upon a meaningful conversation that will make exchanging business cards more effective in the end. The more you ask about them, the more they will want to know about you for being interested in them.

3.不要闲聊，提出问题然后倾听。 正如我前面所说，没有人喜欢听对方谈论他们自己。但是，如果你想要更多地了解他们，你就得倾听，让他们觉得你是世上最有魅力的人。因此，提出问题，然后倾听。更多地了解将与你交往的人，并真实地建立一次有意义的谈话，它最终会使交换名片变得更有影响力。你提问得越多，他们将会越想了解你，因为你对他们有兴趣。