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你在别人眼里没那么重要
添加时间:2016-11-02 17:15:42 浏览次数: 作者:未知
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  • Caring about what other people think of you is part of being a normal human being.

    在意别人对你的看法是你作为正常人的一部分。

    In fact, scientists in one study found that the reward center in people's brains was active when they were told that someone approved their taste in music.

    事实上,科学家在一次研究中发现,当人们得知有人赞同他们的音乐品味时,大脑中的奖励中心就会变的活跃。

    It's only a problem when you're consumed by worries about your reputation — when every decision about what to wear, who to hang out with, and even what career to pursue are based on the fear of looking stupid.

    当你过分担心自己的声誉时,这才会是个问题——你害怕自己的决定会看起来很愚蠢,比如穿什么、跟谁出去逛、甚至追求什么职业等。

    Unfortunately, this habit is hard to shake. To help you out, we consulted the Quora thread, "How can I stop worrying about what other people think?" and highlighted the most compelling responses.

    不幸的是,这个习惯很难撼动。为了帮助你摆脱这种局面,我们咨询了Quora(问答网站),“我怎样才能停止担心别人的想法?”并且把最有说服力的回应摘出来。

    Read on to embrace the full experience of being yourself.

    阅读并吸取全部的经验,做你自己。

    1. Remember that people aren't that interested in you

    1. 记住人们对你并没有那么感兴趣

    Several Quora users mentioned that people generally don't care about you as much as you think they do.

    好几个Quora用户都提到人们通常不像你想的那样关注你。

    Sibell Loitz, for example, prompts readers to consider how much time they spend thinking about others and their behavior: "not that much time."

    比如,Sibell Loitz促使读者仔细思考,他们花多少时间去想别人和自己的行为。“没多少时间。”

    Psychologists call the tendency to overestimate1 how much other people pay attention to you the "spotlight2 effect." In a 2000 study, highlighted on Tech Insider, people were asked to attend a party wearing a t-shirt with a picture of on it (it was supposed to be embarrassing).

    高估别人对你的关注程度,心理学家把这称为“焦点效应”。在2000年《技术内幕》发表的研究中,人们被要求穿着印有巴瑞·曼尼洛照片的T恤参加一个派对(这应该很尴尬)。

    Sure enough, those people significantly overestimated3 how much the other people at the party noticed their t-shirt.

    果然,那些人大大地高估了派对上其他人对他们T恤的关注。

    2. Tell yourself a different story

    2. 告诉自己一个不一样 故事

    No one can make you think or feel a certain way — it's all about the way you interpret their behavior. So by changing that interpretation4, you might be able to make yourself think and feel more positively5.

    没有人能让你按照固定的方式思考或感受,是你去选择如何解释他们的行为。所以通过改变这种解释,你可能让自己更积极地思考或感受。

    Karen Renee gives an example. Maybe you habitually6 tell yourself: "Today I [action] and everyone laughed. They must think I'm stupid. I'm stupid. Everyone knows I'm stupid. I can't face them again!"

    Karen Renee给出了一个例子。也许你会习惯性地告诉自己:“今天我(动作)和其他人都笑了。他们一定会认为我很傻。我很傻。每个人都知道我很傻。我无法再次面对他们了!”

    Instead, Renee says you might tell yourself: "Today I [action] and everyone laughed. I think I cheered up a couple people who were having a bad day, even if it was by accident …"

    相反,Renee说你可以这样告诉你自己:“今天我(动作)和其他人都笑了。我觉得我鼓舞了一对今天过的很糟糕的夫妇,即使是意外...”

    Renee cites Brene Brown's research on getting over shame, and worrying what other people think of you. Brown recently told Tech Insider that her No. 1 "life hack7” for lasting8 relationships is to recognize that your perception of your partner's behavior is "the story I'm making up."

    Renee引用Brene Brown的研究来克服羞愧以及对别人想法的担心。Brown最近告诉《技术内幕》,她维持关系的头号“生活技巧”,就是意识到自己对伴侣行为的认知是源于“我自己编的故事。”

    "Basically," she said, "you're telling the other person your reading of the situation — and simultaneously9 admitting that you know it can't be 100% accurate."

    “基本上,”她说,“你在告诉其他人你对形势的看法,同时承认你知道这不是百分之百准确的。”

    3. Meet more people

    3. 见更多的人

    Marie Stein recommends diluting10 someone's strong negative opinion of you by getting lots of other perspectives.

    Marie Stein建议通过更多其他方面的视角来稀释别人对你强烈的负面观点。

    "The more people you meet, the more you will realize that every one has a different opinion," she writes. "The only opinion about you that matters, that sticks with you for your whole life, and that you can control, is your own."

    “你遇见的人越多,你越会意识到每个人都有不同的观点,”她写到。“唯一对你重要、贯穿你生活始终、并且你也可以控制的观点,就是你自己的观点。”

    4. Try to make others comfortable

    4. 试着让别人感到舒适

    "How do you know that others with whom you share company are not themselves insecure?" writes Aurora11 Clawson.

    Aurora Clawson写到,“你怎么知道你分享陪伴的人会不会有不安全感呢?”

    "Others may act secure, but so many time[s] that is an act. How about making a point of helping12 others feel comfortable? Be a nurturer13 and you won't have to worry about how others think of you."

    “其他人可能会表现得可靠,但大多数时候那是一种行为。如何表明帮助别人能感到舒适呢?作为一个养育着,你不必担心别人如何看待你。”

    Clawson is right — research suggests that we're generally pretty bad at guessing how much others are struggling. Think about what you can do to make their lives easier, and you may find that your personal concerns are less salient.

    Clawson是对的。研究表明,我们通常很不擅长推测别人的奋斗情况。想想你做什么能让他们的生活更容易一些,你可能会发现你的个人担忧不是很突出。

    5. Focus on controlling your thoughts, not theirs

    5. 集中精力控制你自己的思想,而不是其他人的

    Gennaro Cuofano points out that you don't have control over others' thoughts: "Therefore if you spend even one minute of mental energy focusing on what others think of you, you are wasting time and energies."

    Gennaro Cuofano指出,你不必控制别人的思想:“因此,如果你花费了乃至一分钟的脑力去担心别人如何看待你,你就是在浪费时间和精力。”

    Instead, he suggests trying to manage your own thoughts about the situation.

    相反,他建议尽量控制自己对于不同情况的想法。

    Meanwhile, psychotherapist Amy Morin writes that mentally strong people rarely focus on things they can't control. Once you shift you focus away from those things, you'll likely be happier and less stressed.

    同时,心理治疗师Amy Morin写到,精神强大的人很少把注意力放在他们不能控制的事情上。一旦你把注意力从那些事情上移开,你可能会变得更加快乐,压力也更小。

    6. Don't try to please everyone

    6. 别试图取悦每个人

    Multiple Quora users told the same story, about two people and a donkey, which points to the foolishness of trying to please everyone.

    许多Quora用户告诉我一个同样的故事,关于两个人和一头驴子,反映了试图取悦每个人的愚蠢。

    At first, two people are riding a donkey, and passersby14 call them cruel. Then, one person rides the donkey while the other walks, and passersby call the rider selfish. They switch positions and now the new rider is called selfish.

    起初,两个人骑着一头驴子,路人说他们残忍。然后,一个人骑着驴子另一个人走路,路人说骑驴的人自私。他们交换了位置,现在那个新的骑驴人被人说自私。

    Finally, both people walk alongside the donkey and passersby laugh at them for not knowing how to ride a donkey.

    最后,两个人都步行在驴子旁边,路人嘲笑他们不知道如何骑驴。

    The moral of the story, says Syeda Ratal Zehra, is that "people will always judge you no matter what."

    Syeda Ratal Zehra说,故事的寓意是“不管什么情况,人们总会评判你。”

    7. Know that it's okay to care what others think

    7. 认识到在意别人的想法是可以的

    It's fine to care about your reputation. The key is not letting that concern overwhelm you.

    关心你的名誉是好事。关键是不要让关心压倒你。

    Marissa Russell writes:

    Marissa Russell写到:

    "You can never fully stop caring how other people think of you.

    “你永远不可能完全不去关心别人如何看待你。

    "Because human beings are the gatekeepers to so many of the things we strive for in life (job hirings, promotions15, award nominations16, building a clientele, finding a life partner, etc), what people think of you actually does matter in various cases.

    “因为人类为了生活中如此多的事情在努力奋斗(工作岗位,晋升,奖励提名,建立客户,寻找生活伴侣,等等),人们如何看待你在很多场合确实是很重要的。

    "The key to inner freedom is to care more about what you think of you than what outsiders think of you."

    “内在自由的关键是更多地关心你对自己的看法,而不是外在对你的看法。”

     10级    双语 


    点击收听单词发音收听单词发音  

    1 overestimate [ˌəʊvərˈestɪmeɪt] Nmsz5Y   第8级
    vt. 对……评价过高;对……估计过高 n. 估计过高;评价过高;出价过高 vi. 估计过高;评价过高
    参考例句:
    • Don't overestimate seriousness of the problem. 别把问题看重了。
    • We overestimate our influence and our nuisance value. 我们过高地估计了自己的影响力和破坏作用。
    2 spotlight [ˈspɒtlaɪt] 6hBzmk   第8级
    n.公众注意的中心,聚光灯,探照灯,视听,注意,醒目
    参考例句:
    • This week the spotlight is on the world of fashion. 本周引人瞩目的是时装界。
    • The spotlight followed her round the stage. 聚光灯的光圈随着她在舞台上转。
    3 overestimated [ˌəʊvəˈestəˌmeɪtid] 3ea9652f4f5fa3d13a818524edff9444   第8级
    对(数量)估计过高,对…作过高的评价( overestimate的过去式和过去分词 )
    参考例句:
    • They overestimated his ability when they promoted him. 他们提拔他的时候高估了他的能力。
    • The Ministry of Finance consistently overestimated its budget deficits. 财政部一贯高估预算赤字。
    4 interpretation [ɪnˌtɜ:prɪˈteɪʃn] P5jxQ   第7级
    n.解释,说明,描述;艺术处理
    参考例句:
    • His statement admits of one interpretation only. 他的话只有一种解释。
    • Analysis and interpretation is a very personal thing. 分析与说明是个很主观的事情。
    5 positively [ˈpɒzətɪvli] vPTxw   第7级
    adv.明确地,断然,坚决地;实在,确实
    参考例句:
    • She was positively glowing with happiness. 她满脸幸福。
    • The weather was positively poisonous. 这天气着实讨厌。
    6 habitually [hə'bitjuəli] 4rKzgk   第7级
    ad.习惯地,通常地
    参考例句:
    • The pain of the disease caused him habitually to furrow his brow. 病痛使他习惯性地紧皱眉头。
    • Habitually obedient to John, I came up to his chair. 我已经习惯于服从约翰,我来到他的椅子跟前。
    7 hack [hæk] BQJz2   第9级
    n.劈,砍,出租马车;vt.劈,砍,干咳;vi.砍
    参考例句:
    • He made a hack at the log. 他朝圆木上砍了一下。
    • Early settlers had to hack out a clearing in the forest where they could grow crops. 早期移民不得不在森林里劈出空地种庄稼。
    8 lasting [ˈlɑ:stɪŋ] IpCz02   第7级
    adj.永久的,永恒的;vbl.持续,维持
    参考例句:
    • The lasting war debased the value of the dollar. 持久的战争使美元贬值。
    • We hope for a lasting settlement of all these troubles. 我们希望这些纠纷能获得永久的解决。
    9 simultaneously [ˌsɪməl'teɪnɪəslɪ] 4iBz1o   第8级
    adv.同时发生地,同时进行地
    参考例句:
    • The radar beam can track a number of targets almost simultaneously. 雷达波几乎可以同时追着多个目标。
    • The Windows allow a computer user to execute multiple programs simultaneously. Windows允许计算机用户同时运行多个程序。
    10 diluting [daiˈlju:tɪŋ] 44036b7ea776694d2cbd728360643362   第7级
    稀释,冲淡( dilute的现在分词 ); 削弱,使降低效果
    参考例句:
    • A companion would have been a distraction, diluting the pathos of the moment. 要是有一个伴侣在旁就会分散我的注意,冲淡此时此刻的哀婉之情。
    • Diluting agent has certain transparency for ink multi-color overprint. 冲淡剂具有必定的透明量,适分油不朱的众色叠印。
    11 aurora [ɔ:'rɔ:rə] aV9zX   第11级
    n.极光
    参考例句:
    • The aurora is one of nature's most awesome spectacles. 极光是自然界最可畏的奇观之一。
    • Over the polar regions we should see aurora. 在极地高空,我们会看到极光。
    12 helping [ˈhelpɪŋ] 2rGzDc   第7级
    n.食物的一份&adj.帮助人的,辅助的
    参考例句:
    • The poor children regularly pony up for a second helping of my hamburger. 那些可怜的孩子们总是要求我把我的汉堡包再给他们一份。
    • By doing this, they may at times be helping to restore competition. 这样一来,他们在某些时候,有助于竞争的加强。
    13 nurturer ['nɜ:tʃərə] be9b4c036d8c24529e94b125523e78be   第7级
    养育者,营养物
    参考例句:
    14 passersby ['pæsəzˌbɑɪ] HmKzQJ   第8级
    n. 过路人(行人,经过者)
    参考例句:
    • He had terrorized Oxford Street,where passersby had seen only his footprints. 他曾使牛津街笼罩了一片恐怖气氛,因为那儿的行人只能看到他的脚印,看不到他的人。 来自英汉 - 翻译样例 - 文学
    • A person is marceling on a street, watching passersby passing. 街边烫发者打量着匆匆行人。
    15 promotions [prə'məʊʃənz] ea6aeb050f871384f25fba9c869cfe21   第7级
    促进( promotion的名词复数 ); 提升; 推广; 宣传
    参考例句:
    • All services or promotions must have an appeal and wide application. 所有服务或促销工作都必须具有吸引力和广泛的适用性。
    • He promptly directed the highest promotions and decorations for General MacArthur. 他授予麦克阿瑟将军以最高的官阶和勋奖。
    16 nominations [ˌnɔməˈneɪʃənz] b4802078efbd3da66d5889789cd2e9ca   第8级
    n.提名,任命( nomination的名词复数 )
    参考例句:
    • Nominations are invited for the post of party chairman. 为党主席职位征集候选人。 来自《简明英汉词典》
    • Much coverage surrounded his abortive bids for the 1960,1964, and 1968 Republican Presidential nominations. 许多消息报道都围绕着1960年、1964年和1968年他为争取提名为共和党总统候选人所做努力的失败。 来自辞典例句

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