Why Say No

拒绝别人的原因

1. People will respect you. People who say yes to everything in an attempt to be liked are quickly recognized as pushovers.

1. 人们会尊重你。人们之所以言听计从，是力图被别人喜欢，但很快就会被认为是容易搞定的人。

When you say no to someone you are letting them know that you have boundaries. You are showing that you respect yourself--and that is how you gain respect from others.

当你拒绝他人的时候，你是在告诉他们，你也有底线。你是在展示对自己的尊重——这就是你赢得他人尊重的原因。

2. People will actually see you as more dependable. When you say yes only when you have the time and true ability to do a great job, then you'll gain a reputation for being dependable.If you say yes to everything, you're bound¹ to do a bad job at everything.

2. 人们会觉得你很可靠。当你只有在有时间和能力做好的时候才答应别人，你就能为自己赢来可靠的名声。如果你对什么都是言听计从，你一定什么都做不好。

3. When you're selective with your tasks, you'll sharpen² your natural strengths. If you concentrate on the things you're good at, you'll be able to improve on your natural talents. For example, if you're a great writer but you're not so great as an artist, you may volunteer to write speeches but you shouldn't sign up to make the posters for your club. Concentrate on your strength and build your skills (and your experience) for college.

3. 当你有选择性地对待你的任务，你就可以提高自己的天然优势。如果你将注意力集中在你所擅长的事情上，你就可以改善自己的天赋。例如，如果你是一个出色的作家，但你在艺术方面则没有什么天赋，你可能就会自发地歇一歇演讲稿，但你却不会签约去为你的俱乐部制作海报。将注意力集中在你的长处上，锻炼自己在大学的技术（和经验）。

4. Your life will be less stressful. You may be tempted³ to say yes to people in order to please them. In the long run, you're only hurting yourself and others when you do this. You stress yourself out by overloading⁵ yourself, and you experience increased stress when you realize you're bound to let them down.

4. 你的生活也会少些压力。你可能为了取悦一些人而答应他们某些事。从长远看，当你这样做的时候，你只是在伤害你自己和他人。你使自己超载，从而不堪重负，当你意识到你一定会让别人失望的时候，你的压力也会也会与之剧增。

When to Say No

什么时候应该拒绝别人

First let's point out the obvious: do your homework.

首先指出显而易见的：

You should never say no to a teacher, friend, or family member who is merely asking you to live up to your responsibilities. It's not okay to say no to a class assignment, just because you don't feel like doing it for some reason. This is not an exercise in cockiness.

你不应该拒绝你的老师，朋友或家人，因为他们仅仅是在告诉你，不要辜负自己的责任。你不应该因为一些原因不想做就拒绝做家庭作业。这可不是在考验你的骄傲自大。

It is OK to say no when somebody is asking you to step outside your true responsibilities and outside your comfort zone to take on a task that is dangerous or one that will overload⁴ you and affect your academic work and your reputation.

当某人想让你做职责范围或舒适区以外的危险的事，或者是增加你的负担和影响你的学业和名誉的事，你就应该拒绝别人。

For example:

例如

•If a teacher suggests that you become the president of a club that he or she is advising, but your schedule is already over-packed.

若如果老师推荐了一个俱乐部，建议你担任俱乐部主席，但是你的日程表已经排满了。

•If a popular athlete asks you to help with his/her homework and you don't have time.

如果一个有人气的运动员拜托你帮他写作业，但你没时间。

•If anybody asks you to do their homework for them.

如果有人让你帮他们做作业。

•If anybody asks you to give them information that was on a test (if they have a later class with the same teacher).

如果有人让你给他们提供有关考试的信息（如果他们跟你是一个老师，只不过是后进来的）。

It can be very difficult to say no to somebody whom you really respect, but you'll find that you actually gain respect from them when you show enough courage to say no.

拒绝你所尊重的人会很难，但你会发现，当你表现出足够的勇气来拒绝他们的时候，你实际上也得到了尊重。

How to Say No

怎样拒绝别人

We say yes to people because it's easy. Learning⁶ to say no is like learning anything: it seems really scary at first, but it's so rewarding when you get the hang of it!

我们答应别人某事很简单。学会拒绝就像学习其他任何事一样：一开始似乎很可怕，但当你学会之后，对你就十分有益。

The trick to saying no is doing it firmly without sounding rude. You must avoid being wishy-washy. Here are some lines you can practice:

拒绝别人的窍门就是，坚定地去做，但不要使自己听上去很粗鲁。你必须避免苍白无力的拒绝。这里有一些拒绝的话语可供你练习。

•If a teacher asks you to take on more responsibility than you need: Thank you for thinking of me, but I will have to say no. I'm just over-scheduled at this time.

如果老师想让你做你职责范围之外的事：谢谢您能想到我，但我还是得拒绝。这次我的日程表都排满了。

•If a teacher asks you to do something you don't feel comfortable with: This sounds like it would be a great opportunity for somebody, but it's not right for me.

如果老师让你做一些会让你不舒服的事：这对于别人来说真是一个好机会，但对我来说不是。

•If somebody wants you to cheat: Sorry, I don't share my homework. That would get us both in trouble.

如果某人想让你作弊：抱歉，我不想和别人分享自己的家庭作业。这会给我们两人都带来麻烦的。

•If somebody tries to push work off on you: I just don't have the time to do a good job at that right now.

如果某人把工作推给你：我现在没时间去做好这项工作。

•If somebody tries to overload you with a task: I can't do that because I have an assignment due tomorrow.

如果某人想给你增加工作量：我不行，因为手头有工作要做，明天就是截止日期了。

•If somebody tries to unload a problem on you: I understand your situation, but I don't have an answer for you.

如果某人想把麻烦甩给你：我明白你的处境，但我不会答应你的。

When You Have to Say Yes

什么时候可以答应别人的请求

There will be times when you want to say no but you can’t. If you're working on a group project, you have to take on some of the work, but you don't want to volunteer for everything. When you have to say yes, you can do it with firm conditions.

总会有一些时候，你想拒绝但又不能拒绝。如果你在做团体任务，你就得承担一些工作，但你不会想承担所有的工作。当你只能答应别人时，你就得坚定地去做。

A conditional⁷ "yes" may be necessary if you know you should do something but you also know you don't have all the time or resources. An example of a conditional yes is: "Yes, I'll make the posters for the club, but I won't pay for all the supplies."

如果你知道，你应该做一些事，但你的时间和资源也是有限的，这时候有条件的答应别人是必要的。关于有条件的答应有一个例子：“是，我可以为俱乐部制作海报，但我不会包揽所有的事儿。”

Saying no is all about gaining respect. Gain respect for yourself by saying no when it's necessary. Gain the respect of others by saying no in a polite way.

拒绝能让你获得尊重。必要的时候，你要通过拒绝别人来为自己获得尊重。在通过拒绝别人获得尊重的时候，还要以礼貌的方式进行。