should say no

为何你应该说“不”

Always saying yes to requests, favors and responsibilities will burn you out, and though our society may put that on a pedestal, it’s never a good thing and a very draining feeling. When you say yes to everything, you won’t be able to invest your energy into people and things that really matter.

总是对请求、恩惠和责任说“是”会让你受不了，虽然我们的社会或许会将这些建立在一定的基础之上，但是这永远不是一种好事，而且是一种令人筋疲力尽的感觉。当你对一切都说“是”的时候，你就不会有精力去投入到那些真正重要的人和事情上。

When I burned out, I couldn’t put my best effort into my work or into my relationships. Saying no to extraneous¹ social activities and favors meant saying yes to putting my time and energy into my relationships, my job and myself. Saying no is more for yourself than for others; it’s a way to take care of yourself emotionally, physically², mentally and spiritually.

当我筋疲力尽的时候，我就不能将我最好的努力投入到工作或者感情中去。对外界的社会活动和支持说“不”，就意味着对自己将时间和精力投入到感情、工作和自己身上说“是”。说“不”更多是为了自己，而不是他人；说“不”是一种照顾自己的感情、身体、心理和精神层面的一种方式。

You may feel guilty at first, but your body will thank you for it later. Saying no is necessary when you already have a pile of responsibilities and things to do, and when you’re worn out. If it’s something that doesn’t require your skills, hand it off to someone else that may have fewer things on their plate.

一开始你或许会感觉愧疚，但是你的身体之后会感谢你。当你已经有大量感情和事情需要处理，或者当你筋疲力尽的时候，有必要说“不”。如果事情并不是要求你的技能，可以转交给那些手头上事情较少的其他人去做。

When you should say no

何时你应该说“不”

Saying no has long-term benefits to your health, but that doesn’t mean you should say it all the time. If you have a lot of things you are asked to do or need to do, it’s gonna be hard to weed out and pick the ones you say yes to and ones you say no to. So I’ll try to make it as simple for you as possible.

说“不”对你的健康有长期的好处，但是这并不是说你应该一直说“不”。如果你有许多事情要求去做或者需要去做，那就很难置之不理，你需要挑出那些你需要说“是”的事情以及需要说“不”的事情。所以我会尽可能让你将说“不”变成简单的事情。

If it’s necessary, say yes. If it’s extra responsibilities or things that are minor³, say no. For example, I’ve said yes to important social events like birthday dinners, weddings, funerals and big milestone⁴ celebrations. But I’ve also said no to social events like regular hangouts with people I see weekly in a different setting.

如果有必要的话，要说“是”。如果是额外的责任或者不重要的事情，可以说“不”。例如，我会对重要的社会活动说“是”，比如生日晚宴，婚礼，葬礼，以及盛大里程碑的庆祝活动。但是我也对一些社会活动说“不”，例如与每周在不同场合都见面的人定期出去逛。