Sarah, a 36-year-old solicitor¹, was shocked when her three-year-old daughter called out her nanny’s name during the night. “You think: ‘My child loves the nanny more than me.’”

当36岁的律师莎拉(Sarah)夜里听到3岁的女儿喊保姆的名字时，她震惊了。“你心想：‘我的孩子爱保姆胜过爱我。’”

On the other hand, the overwhelming anxiety Sarah felt when her daughter was ill left her relieved to hand over responsibility. She soon realised that she was never going to love caring for her children round the clock. She explains: “I wouldn’t say that I looked forward to going back to work, but I looked forward to having an activity that involved being away from them.”

但另一方面，女儿生病时莎拉感到的极度焦虑，让她如释重负地交出责任。她很快意识到，自己永远不会喜欢全天候照顾自己的小孩。她解释说：“我不会说我期待回去上班，但我确实期待有什么事能让我离开他们。”

Sarah hoped that by providing her with affection and a routine, her daughter would not suffer the sense of “I don’t matter” that she says her own mother had instilled² in her.

莎拉说，当年她的母亲给她灌输了一种“我不重要”的感觉，她希望通过提供关爱和有规律的日常生活，她的女儿不会受这种感觉的折磨。

According to psychotherapists, Sarah was right to be concerned about unintentionally repeating a pattern of neglectful parenting. Infants and young children need sensitive care from adults — a process called “attachment³”.

据心理治疗师表示，萨拉正确地担心自己在无意中重复忽视型育儿模式。婴儿和幼儿需要成年人悉心呵护，这一过程被称为“依恋”。

This accepted theory in psychology⁴, neuroscience and biochemistry explains how early interaction between a parent and infant has lasting⁵ consequences for a child’s emotional wellbeing.

这一理论已获得心理学、神经科学和生物化学的认可，它解释了父母与婴儿之间的早期互动对孩子的情绪健康有持久后果。

The first few years of a life are crucial in shaping and developing a child’s “social brain”, where emotional resources are established. Having adults around who can attune⁶ to an infant’s feelings and experiences provides the basis for regulating feelings, relating to others and coping with stress.

人生的最初几年对塑造和发展儿童的“社会脑”(social brain)——情感资源建立于此——至关重要。一个婴儿身边若能有关怀其感受和体验的成年人陪伴，将为孩子学习调节情绪、与人交往和应对压力提供基础。

Children can become aggressive, shy or clingy if their early attachment needs are not met. In extreme cases, inadequate⁷ early care can lead to antisocial behaviour, addictions⁸ and personality disorders⁹.

如果早期依恋需求得不到满足，孩子们可能会变得好斗、害羞或粘人。在极端情况下，不充足的早期照顾可能导致反社会行为、上瘾，以及人格障碍。

Employers could do more to support working parents. Sarah, the solicitor, believes many managers pay only lip service to flexible working policies. “They’ll let you go to the school play, but secretly they’ll always remember that you missed that meeting,” she says.

雇主可以采取更多行动支持上班族父母。律师莎拉认为，许多管理人员对弹性工作政策只是说说而已。她说：“他们会让你去观看校园表演，但私底下他们对你错过了那次会议耿耿于怀。”