Once a man confessed, "The great question I have not been able to answer is What does a woman want?" Many husbands and boyfriends wonder the same thing today. But modern psychologists—and women—know the answer. A woman wants most everything a man wants: success, power, status, money, love, marriage, children, happiness, and fulfillment.

一位男士曾坦白地说；"一个我无法回答的大问题是：女士想要的是什么？"今天，许多丈夫和男朋友仍为这同一问题而感到困惑。不过，现代心理学家——和女士们知道答案。女士们想要的同男士们想要的几乎没有什么两样。她们需要的是：成功、权力、地位、金钱、爱情、婚姻、孩子、幸福以及自我价值的实现。

Women need to communicate this more clearly. Here are five things that should be told to men.

女士们需要的是将这些要求明确地说出来。这里有五点该对男士们谈一谈。

1. Women need genuine, personal displays of affection.

1. 女士们需要真诚的、发自内心的感情。

The breed of women who lives off the expensive gifts a man gives her is vanishing. A woman who values love for its own sake tends to be wary¹ of gifts that are too costly². An expensive gift can make her feel that a man is trying to buy her affections and sees her as a prize rather than a person.

那类以男士送贵重礼品为其择偶标准的女性正在销声匿迹。珍视爱情本身价值的女性对太昂贵的礼物持审慎的态度。贵重的礼品使她们感到男士是在试图购买她们的感情，把她们看成是赢得的奖品而不是一个人。

Gifts that give women genuine pleasure are those with a personal touch-an item of clothing, for example—because such gifts, when chosen properly, are statements of caring and high form of flattery, demonstrating recognition of a loved one's special tastes. The best gifts, from a woman's point of view, are those that are on going, rather than flamboyant³. In fact, what's missing from a lot of lives is romance, such as doing small chores for her, sharing a laugh with her. These are the "gifts" that really count.

能给女士们带来真诚快乐的礼物是那些具有个人感情特色的物品，比如一件衣服，因为这类礼物若挑选得当，能体现出关心和爱慕之情，表明你了解心爱人的特殊喜好。从女性角度来看，最好的礼物是那些普通的小礼品，而不是什么花哨艳丽的东西。实际上，生活之中缺乏的是浪漫之情，比如说，为她做些家务，同她一起开怀大笑。这些"礼物"才是真正有价值的。

2. Women need a sympathetic ear.

2. 女士们需要一位具有同情心的听众。

A simple conversation can be different event to a man and a woman. For a man, a conversation is a way to define a problem, debate the rights and wrongs, and find a solution. To do that, he may repeatedly interrupt the woman until she "understands" the point he's making. But a woman would rather have a friendly ear from a man, instead of advice. Women more often view conversation as a way of sharing their emotions with the listener. They talk until they feel better. A man who wants to get through to a woman conversationally⁴ needs to tap into emotions rather than solutions. And, often, that can mean just listening.

一次普通的谈话对男士和对女士来说可以是两码事。对男士来说，谈话是弄清问题，明辨是非，找出解决问题办法的方式。为了达到此目的，他可能多次打断女士，直到她"明白"他的意图为止。但是，女士却宁愿男士友好地听她谈话，而不要给她提意见。女性常常把谈话看作是同听者分享情感的方式．她们往住要说到自我感觉较好的地步才收住话题。男士若想在交谈中与女士沟通，就需要把注意力集中在情感上，而不是在解决问题的办法上。这常常就意味着应当做一个好的听众。

3. Women don't fall in love as easily as men do.

3. 女士不像男士那样快地坠入情网。

Men tend to be romantics, often falling in love more quickly than women, who tend to focus on practical considerations in choosing a mate. Women are looking for long-term qualities in a partner. Far more than men, they allow their heads to control their hearts. Even though women may ache for love, they carry around an inner evaluator who asks, Can I count on this man? So any man who hopes to sweep a woman off her feet had better lengthen⁵ his timetable, and pay as much attention to characteristics such as kindness and dependability as he does to his hair, his clothes and his adaptability⁶.

男士在爱情上倾向于浪漫，比女士更易坠入情网。女士的择偶倾向则侧重于许多实际的考虑。她们重视伴侣身上持久的好品质。与男士相比，她们更多的是用理智控制自己的情感。即使女士们在遭受爱情的折磨不能自拔时，她们也会在内心问自己："我能够指望这个男人吗？"所以，任何希望很快就能赢得女士芳心的男士最好放慢速度，延长自己的日程表，并且对善良、可靠性此类方面的人身品质给予足够的重视，就像注重自己的发型、穿着和适应性一样。

4. Women are good problem-solvers.

4. 女性善于处理问题。

Men and women solve problem in different ways. A man tends to be direct—line up all his options, select one, then proceed. Women are more likely to simply let problems solve themselves-for example, by giving a child more time to adjust to a new teacher, rather than insisting on an immediate⁷ classroom change.

男士和女士以不同的方式处理问题。男士倾向于直接的方法-一摆出所有的观点，选择一个，然后去处理问题。女士更有可能只采取让问题自行得以解决的方法。例如：给予孩子更长点时间去适应一位新老师，而不是坚持要求立刻换班。

5. A woman wants to be friends with her husband.

5. 女性想要的是成为丈夫的朋友。

"Few women relish⁸ being a mother, secretary or general picker-upper for their husbands. A woman wants the man in her life to be a true equal, someone who respects her strength, treats her weaknesses with kindness, and expects her to be the same for him. In short, she wants a friend, a lover and a partner who understands her.

没有多少女性乐于当专业妈妈，当丈夫的专业文秘，或者当个临时凑合的女人。女士希望她生活中的男士是她真正的平等伙伴，他会尊重她的长处，用善意对待她的短处。同时，他希望她也这样对待他。总而言之，她想要的是一位朋友，一位爱人和一位理解她的伴侣。