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为什么现代恋情大多以失败告终?
添加时间:2018-07-02 09:25:02 浏览次数: 作者:未知
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  • Eli Finkel, a US university professor specialising in social psychology1 reckons there's a very common reason modern relationships fail - and it's all about our expectations. In an interview with The Atlantic about his new book The All-or-Nothing Marriage, Finkel explained he considers many people in relationships too idealistic.

    以利·芬克尔(Eli Finkel)是美国一所大学的教授,专攻社会心理学。他认为现代恋情之所以失败存在一个普遍原因--都是因为我们的期望。在《太平洋月刊》(The Atlantic)对其新书The All-or-Nothing Marriage进行采访的过程中,芬克尔解释道,他认为很多恋爱中的人都过于理想化。

    Basically, rather than just being content that our partner provides us with a spare pair of hands to sort out the home and go about our daily lives, we're expecting them to be everything to us. We are, he reckons, demanding WAY too much of them. A lot of modern couples expect their significant other to love them, duh, but also to 'help them grow' and become our best selves.

    基本说来,我们不仅满足于另一半在家庭生活、日常生活中帮助我们,而且还期待他们成为我们的一切。他认为,我们对另一半的要求太多了。很多现代情侣都希望他们的另一半爱他们,但同时也期望另一半能'帮助他们成长',成为最好的自己。

    为什么现代恋情大多以失败告终?.jpg

    We want them to make us feel attractive, smart, hilarious2, sexy, basically all the things all the time. And this, he says, is putting so much pressure on our relationships that we are totally screwing them up. Why though? Finkel says in the past 100 years, marriage and relationship expectations have blurred3 due to cultural changes.

    我们希望他们能让我们感受到自己的魅力、智慧、幽默、性感,几乎时时刻刻都希望从他们的身上感受自己的美好面。他说道,这样做会对感情造成很大的压力,导致不欢而散。为什么会这样呢?芬克尔说道,过去100年间,婚姻和恋情的期待已经由于文化差异而变得模糊不清。

    In his The Atlantic interview, he said: 'I would just urge everybody, think about what you're looking for from this one relationship and decide, are these expectations realistic in light of who I am, who my partner is, what the dynamics4 that we have together are?

    接受《太平洋月刊》的采访时,他说道:"我想要敦促每一位,想想你希望从这段恋情中得到什么,然后根据自己是什么样的人、另一半是什么样的人,以及我们在一起会怎样来决定这些期望是否实际。"

    'If so, how are we going to achieve all of these things together? Or alternatively, how can we relinquish5 some of these roles that we play in each others' lives, and outsource them to, say, another member of your social network?'

    "如果是,那我们又该如何一起实现这些期望?或者,我们该如何放弃在彼此生活中扮演的某些角色,并将这些角色交由社交生活中的其他人士扮演?"

    What he's saying is, in order to not overload6 your partner with expectation, you probs could maybe go to a pal7 or family member for the assurances your significant other can't give you. And that's totally fine.

    他说道,为了不对另一半产生过多期待,你或许可以从朋友或家人那里寻求另一半无法给予你的肯定。这是完全没问题的。

    He continues: 'The question isn't, "Are you asking too much?" The question is, "Are you asking the appropriate amount, in light of the nature of the relationship right now?"

    他继续说道:"问题不是'你是否要求太多了?'而是'基于你们的恋情进展,你提出的要求是否合适?'"

     10级    双语 
     单词标签: psychology  hilarious  blurred  dynamics  relinquish  overload  pal 


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    1 psychology [saɪˈkɒlədʒi] U0Wze   第7级
    n.心理,心理学,心理状态
    参考例句:
    • She has a background in child psychology. 她受过儿童心理学的教育。
    • He studied philosophy and psychology at Cambridge. 他在剑桥大学学习哲学和心理学。
    2 hilarious [hɪˈleəriəs] xdhz3   第9级
    adj.充满笑声的,欢闹的;[反]depressed
    参考例句:
    • The party got quite hilarious after they brought more wine. 在他们又拿来更多的酒之后,派对变得更加热闹起来。
    • We can't stop laughing because the show was so hilarious. 我们笑个不停,因为那个节目太搞笑了。
    3 blurred [blə:d] blurred   第7级
    v.(使)变模糊( blur的过去式和过去分词 );(使)难以区分;模模糊糊;迷离
    参考例句:
    • She suffered from dizziness and blurred vision. 她饱受头晕目眩之苦。
    • Their lazy, blurred voices fell pleasantly on his ears. 他们那种慢吞吞、含糊不清的声音在他听起来却很悦耳。 来自《简明英汉词典》
    4 dynamics [daɪ'næmɪks] NuSzQq   第10级
    n.力学,动力学,动力,原动力;动态
    参考例句:
    • In order to succeed, you must master complicated knowledge of dynamics. 要取得胜利,你必须掌握很复杂的动力学知识。
    • Dynamics is a discipline that cannot be mastered without extensive practice. 动力学是一门不做大量习题就不能掌握的学科。
    5 relinquish [rɪˈlɪŋkwɪʃ] 4Bazt   第8级
    vt.放弃,撤回,让与,放手
    参考例句:
    • He was forced to relinquish control of the company. 他被迫放弃公司的掌控权。
    • They will never voluntarily relinquish their independence. 他们绝对不会自动放弃独立。
    6 overload [ˌəʊvəˈləʊd] RmHz40   第8级
    vt.使超载;n.超载
    参考例句:
    • Don't overload the boat or it will sink. 别超载,否则船会沉。
    • Large meals overload the digestive system. 吃得太饱会加重消化系统的负担。
    7 pal [pæl] j4Fz4   第8级
    n.朋友,伙伴,同志;vi.结为友
    参考例句:
    • He is a pal of mine. 他是我的一个朋友。
    • Listen, pal, I don't want you talking to my sister any more. 听着,小子,我不让你再和我妹妹说话了。

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