1. Why Do People Do Long-Distance?

1.人们为什么异地恋？

Rarely do people ever get themselves into long-distance relationships on purpose. Typically, what ends up happening is that couples become victim of circumstance. Another way that long-distance relationships get facilitated¹ is when one person ends up spending a lot of time in a different state or city for either work or leisure, and forms a connection with someone there. However, there are cases where both parties know that distance will be a factor they have to deal with before starting the relationship.

很少有人特意要开始异地恋，比较典型的原因是情侣受情况所迫，另外一个导致异地恋的原因是一个人因工作需要或休闲在其他州或城市待的时间比较长，与当地人发展了恋情。然而还有一些是双方在开始恋爱之前就清楚距离将是他们要面临的一个问题。

As for how these situations differ in the way these relationships are carried out, it has to do with how long the distance is set to last.

不同的异地恋情况与异地恋情要持续多久有关。

What Real Women Say: "We met on a dating site, " says Eileen, 41. "He was from Maine, an eight hour car ride away. We only lasted a year the first time. The distance was too much and too expensive to maintain. About a year and a half later we tried it again. This time we were more conscious of what's involved. Staying consistent² helps. Have dates over the phone, watching the same movie together. See each other as often as you can. Surprising each other with a card or something in the mail or flowers at work is a great way to keep the romance³."

异地恋女性亲身体会：41岁的Eileen说：“我们是在交友网站上认识的，他来自缅因州，开车要走8个小时。第一次我们的恋情只持续了1年，距离太远，恋爱成本太高。大约1年半以后我们复合了，这一次我们更清楚要面对什么。步调一致对恋爱很有帮助，可以通过电话约会，一起看同一部电影，尽可能多见面。给对方惊喜也是保持浪漫的好方法，比如送卡片、邮东西或工作时送花。”

2. Can Your Relationship Handle Long-Distance?

2.你们能承受异地恋吗？

Long-distance relationships have a shelf life, and the key factor that makes this type of arrangement work is having an end goal or date in mind when it will be possible for the two of you to be in the same place together. "Long-distance relationships were meant to be temporary," says Darné. Another factor that has a tremendous impact on whether or not a relationship will be able to handle long distance is the maturity⁴ of both parties involved. You also have to be strong enough to resist temptation, which is typically more difficult that people think, and have tremendous trust in your partner.

异地恋有保质期，实现异地恋的关键在于心里要有一个你们最终能团聚的终极目标或期限. Darné说：“异地恋应该是暂时的。”另外一个影响异地恋能否持久的因素就是双方有多成熟。你也要足够坚强能抵抗诱惑，这显然比人们想的要难，而且你对对方要有绝对的信任。

What Real Women Say: "In the beginning, the hardest part was just missing each other," says Helena, 31. "As time went on, what became hard for me was him making new friends and becoming a part of a new clique⁵ that I didn't quite fit into. If you're going to try long distance, know that your relationship is going to change. Hopefully you'll be able to evolve together instead of letting the distance push you apart. "

异地恋女性亲身体会：31岁的Helena说：“一开始最难的是彼此思念，后来对我来说很难接受的是他交了新朋友并且有了新的交际圈，而我融入不进去。如果你要尝试异地恋，你要知道你们的关系会发生变化，但你们也有希望能共同克服，而不是被距离拆散。”