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婚前必问的12个问题 技术性排除潜在婚姻问题
添加时间:2019-02-21 10:56:23 浏览次数: 作者:未知
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  • 1. Did your family throw plates, calmly discuss issues or silently shut down when disagreements arose?

    出现分歧时,你的家人会怎么做呢?是扔盘子,还是平静地探讨问题,亦或对问题闭口不谈?

    A relationship's success is based on how differences are dealt with, said Peter Pearson, a founder1 of the Couples Institute. As we are all shaped by our family's dynamic, he said, this question will give you insight into whether your partner will come to mimic2 the conflict resolution patterns of his or her parents or avoid them.

    "情侣研究所"创始人之一皮特·皮尔森称,一段关系的成败取决于人们如何处理分歧。由于我们所有人都会受到自己家庭的影响,这个问题将让你能够了解另一半是会效仿还是规避ta父母化解冲突的方式。

    2. Will we have children, and if we do, will you change diapers?

    我们要孩子吗?如果要的话,你会换尿布吗?

    With the question of children, it is important to not just say what you think your partner wants to hear, according to Debbie Martinez, a divorce and relationship coach. Before marrying, couples should honestly discuss if they want children. How many do they want? At what point do they want to have them? And how do they imagine their roles as parents? Talking about birth-control methods before planning a pregnancy3 is also important, said Marty Klein, a sex and marriage therapist.

    离婚和与情感顾问黛比·马丁内斯称,在孩子的问题上,不要只说另一半爱听的话,这点很重要。婚前,伴侣应在是否想要孩子的问题上开诚布公地谈一谈。你俩想要几个孩子?何时想生?想象自己会如何扮演父母的角色?性爱与婚姻治疗师马蒂·克莱因表示,计划怀孕前探讨避孕方法也十分重要。

    3. Will our experiences with our exes help or hinder us?

    与前任的经验对彼此有益,还是会成为障碍?

    Bradford Wilcox, the director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia, indicated that having had many serious relationships can pose a risk for divorce and lower marital4 quality. This can be because of a person having more experience with serious breakups and potentially comparing a current partner unfavorably with past ones. Raising these issues early on can help, Dr Wilcox said. Dr Klein said people are "hesitant to explicitly5 talk about their past" and can feel retroactively jealous or judgmental. "The only real way to have those conversations in an intimate and productive way and loving way is to agree to accept that the other person had a life before the couple," he said.

    弗吉尼亚大学全美婚姻项目负责人布拉德福德·威尔科特斯指出,有过太多严肃的两性关系会带来离婚、婚姻质量降低的风险。这可能是因为有过较多惨痛分手经历的人可能会将现任伴侣与前任进行不利比较。威尔科特斯博士表示,早些把问题摆在台面上会有所帮助。人们不愿直截了当地谈论过去,还会对过去的事产生嫉妒或苛责的情绪。接受另一半在走入这段关系前是有"历史"的才是真正能以亲密、富有成效且友爱的方式探讨这些问题的唯一途径。

    4. How important is religion? How will we celebrate religious holidays, if at all?

    宗教信仰有多么重要?如果有信仰的话,我们将如何庆祝宗教节日?

    If two people come from different religious backgrounds, is each going to pursue his or her own religious affiliation6? Dr Scuka has worked with couples on encouraging honest discussion around this issue as the executive director of the National Institute of Relationship Enhancement. What is more, spouses8 are especially likely to experience conflict over religious traditions when children are added to the mix, according to Dr Wilcox. If the couple decide to have children, they must ask how the children's religious education will be handled. It is better to have a plan, he said.

    如果两人的宗教信仰不同,是否要继续追求各自的宗教信仰?斯库卡博士是全美关系增进研究所首席执行官,他为一些情侣提供咨询时鼓励他们坦率地讨论宗教信仰问题。此外,他表示,涉及到孩子的时候,双方尤其可能因宗教传统问题产生冲突。若两人决定要孩子,则须探讨如何处理孩子的宗教教育问题,最好能制定一个计划。

    5. Is my debt your debt? Would you be willing to bail9 me out?

    我的债务你是否会共同承担?你愿意帮我还债吗?

    It's important to know how your partner feels about financial self-sufficiency and whether he or she expects you to keep your resources separate, said Frederick Hertz, a divorce lawyer. Disclosing debts is very important. Equally, if there is a serious discrepancy10 between your income and your partner's, Dr Scuka recommended creating a basic budget according to proportional incomes. Many couples fail to discuss sharing finances, though it is crucial, he said.

    离婚律师弗雷德里克·赫兹称,了解伴侣如何看待财务独立,以及ta是否希望分账是非常重要的。公开债务也很重要。若你和伴侣的收入差异很大,斯库卡博士会建议你们根据收入比例设立基本预算。他表示,尽管分摊财务的问题十分重要,许多夫妇却未曾就该问题进行过讨论。

    6. What's the most you would be willing to spend on a car, a couch, shoes?

    你最愿意把钱花在什么方面,汽车、沙发还是鞋子?

    Couples should make sure they are on the same page in terms of financial caution or recklessness. Buying a car is a great indicator11, according to Hertz. Couples can also frame this question around what they spend reckless amounts of money on, he said.

    双方应确保在财务谨慎或冒进程度上的一致性。赫兹表示,买车就是一个很好的参考指标。情侣还可以根据他们会在什么物品上胡乱花钱设置问题。

    7. Can you deal with my doing things without you?

    你能否接受我不带你去做某些事吗?

    Going into marriage, many people hope to keep their autonomy in certain areas of their life at the same time they are building a partnership12 with their spouse7, according to Seth Eisenberg, the president of Pairs (Practical Application of Intimate Relationship Skills). This means they may be unwilling13 to share hobbies or friends, and this can lead to tension and feelings of rejection14 if it isn't discussed. Couples may also have different expectations as to what "privacy" means, added Dr Klein, and that should be discussed, too. Dr Wilcox suggested asking your partner when he or she most needs to be alone.

    "亲密关系技能实际应用"总裁塞斯·艾森伯格表示,步入婚姻时,许多人都希望在与伴侣建立伙伴关系的同时,也能在生活中的某些领域保持自己的独立。这意味着他们也许不愿与对方分享自己的业余爱好或朋友,若未就此进行探讨,则会导致对方产生被排斥的感觉,而使两人关系紧张。克莱恩博士表示,双方对"隐私"所指内容的期望值也可能不尽相同,因此也应加以讨论。威尔科特斯博士建议,问问你的伴侣什么时候最需要独处。

    8.Do we like each other's parents?

    我们喜欢彼此的父母吗?

    As long as you and your partner present a united front, having a bad relationship with your in-laws can be manageable, Dr Scuka said. But if a spouse is not willing to address the issue with his or her parents, it can bode15 very poorly for the long-term health of the relationship, he said. At the same time, Dr Pearson said, considering the strengths and weaknesses of your parents can illuminate16 future patterns of attachment17 or distancing in your own relationship.

    斯库卡博士说,只要你与另一半立场统一,就能hold得住与公婆/丈人丈母娘关系不好的问题。但如果一方不愿解决他/她父母的相关问题,那么这段关系能长期健康地发展的可能性会相当渺茫。同时,皮尔森博士称,分析你父母的优缺点,对了解二人未来夫妻关系中的依恋或疏远模式,会有所启发。

    9. How far should we take flirting18 with other people?

    与他人调情的程度

    Dr Klein said couples should discuss their attitudes about flirting and expectations for sexual exclusivity. A couple's agreement on behavior in this area can, and most likely will, change down the line, he said, but it is good to set the tone early on so both partners are comfortable discussing it. Ideally, sexual exclusivity should be talked about in the same way as other day-to-day concerns, so that problems can be dealt with before a partner becomes angry, he said.

    克莱恩博士称,情侣应当探讨他们对于调情以及对排他的性关系的看法。他表示,两人就此达成的一致很可能还会在今后有所变化,但早些定调是件好事,这样双方就可以自然地讨论这类问题。理想状态下,两人应像谈论日常生活中彼此关心的其他事一样,谈论排他的性关系,这样就能在一方生气前处理这些问题。

    10. Do you know all the ways I say "I love you"?

    你知道所有我在说"我爱你"的方式吗?

    Gary Chapman's 1992 book, "The 5 Love Languages," introduced this means of categorizing expressions of love to strengthen a marriage. Ms Martinez hands her premarriage clients a list of the five love languages: affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch. She asks them to mark their primary and secondary languages and what they think is their partner's, and discuss them. Mr Eisenberg said that a couple needs to work out how to nurture19 the relationship, in a way specific to them.

    加里·查普曼1992年出版的书籍《五种爱情语言》引入了区分爱情表达方式以巩固婚姻关系的方法。马丁内斯女士向其即将步入婚姻殿堂的客户给出了这五种爱情语言:肯定、愉悦时光、接受礼物、为对方服务和身体接触。她请这些客户标出他们最喜欢和其次喜爱的语言,以及他们认为伴侣最常使用的爱情语言,并就此进行讨论。艾森伯格先生称,情侣需要弄清如何以他们特有的方式增进彼此的关系。

    婚前必问的12个问题 技术性排除潜在婚姻问题.jpg11. What do you admire about me, and what are your pet peeves20?

    我身上哪些东西你比较欣赏,哪些让你无法忍受?

    Can you imagine the challenges ever outweighing21 the admiration22? If so, what would you do? Anne Klaeysen, a leader of the New York Society for Ethical23 Culture, said that couples rarely consider that second question. Ideally, marriage is a life commitment, she said, and it's not enough to just "click together," as many couples describe their relationship. A marriage must go deeper than that original "click."你能想到有些挑战会磨灭爱慕之情吗?如果是的话,你会怎么做?纽约道德文化学会的负责人安妮·克雷森称,情侣很少考虑第二个问题。她表示,理想情况下,婚姻是一生的承诺,许多情侣描述他们的关系时会提到"一见钟情",但仅有这种情感是不够的。婚姻必须比"钟情"要更加深沉。

    12. How do you see us 10 years from now?

    十年后我们会是什么样子?

    Keeping the answer to this question in mind can help a couple deal with current conflict as they work toward their ultimate relationship goals, according to Mr Eisenberg. Dr Wilcox said this discussion could also be an opportunity to raise the question of whether each partner will consider divorce if the relationship deteriorates24, or whether they expect marriage to be for life, come what may.

    艾森伯格先生称,将这个问题的答案牢记在心会有助于情侣解决当前的冲突,因为他们会向着婚姻关系的终极目标而努力。威尔科特斯博士表示,探讨该问题也提供了一个机会,让你能了解在关系恶化时,伴侣是会考虑离婚,还是认为无论发生什么,婚姻都是一辈子的事。

     10级    双语 


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    1 Founder [ˈfaʊndə(r)] wigxF   第8级
    n.创始者,缔造者
    参考例句:
    • He was extolled as the founder of their Florentine school. 他被称颂为佛罗伦萨画派的鼻祖。
    • According to the old tradition, Romulus was the founder of Rome. 按照古老的传说,罗穆卢斯是古罗马的建国者。
    2 mimic [ˈmɪmɪk] PD2xc   第9级
    vt.模仿,戏弄;n.模仿他人言行的人
    参考例句:
    • A parrot can mimic a person's voice. 鹦鹉能学人的声音。
    • He used to mimic speech peculiarities of another. 他过去总是模仿别人讲话的特点。
    3 pregnancy [ˈpregnənsi] lPwxP   第9级
    n.怀孕,怀孕期
    参考例句:
    • Early pregnancy is often accompanied by nausea. 怀孕早期常有恶心的现象。
    • Smoking during pregnancy increases the risk of miscarriage. 怀孕期吸烟会增加流产的危险。
    4 marital [ˈmærɪtl] SBixg   第7级
    adj.婚姻的,夫妻的
    参考例句:
    • Her son had no marital problems. 她的儿子没有婚姻问题。
    • I regret getting involved with my daughter's marital problems. 我后悔干涉我女儿的婚姻问题。
    5 explicitly [ik'splisitli] JtZz2H   第7级
    ad.明确地,显然地
    参考例句:
    • The plan does not explicitly endorse the private ownership of land. 该计划没有明确地支持土地私有制。
    • SARA amended section 113 to provide explicitly for a right to contribution. 《最高基金修正与再授权法案》修正了第123条,清楚地规定了分配权。 来自英汉非文学 - 环境法 - 环境法
    6 affiliation [əˌfɪliˈeɪʃn] MKnya   第9级
    n.联系,联合
    参考例句:
    • There is no affiliation between our organization and theirs, even though our names are similar. 尽管两个组织的名称相似,但我们之间并没有关系。
    • The kidnappers had no affiliation with any militant group. 这些绑架者与任何军事组织都没有紧密联系。
    7 spouse [spaʊs] Ah6yK   第7级
    n.配偶(指夫或妻)
    参考例句:
    • Her spouse will come to see her on Sunday. 她的丈夫星期天要来看她。
    • What is the best way to keep your spouse happy in the marriage? 在婚姻中保持配偶幸福的最好方法是什么?
    8 spouses [spauziz] 3fbe4097e124d44af1bc18e63e898b65   第7级
    n.配偶,夫或妻( spouse的名词复数 )
    参考例句:
    • Jobs are available for spouses on campus and in the community. 校园里和社区里有配偶可做的工作。 来自辞典例句
    • An astonishing number of spouses-most particularly in the upper-income brackets-have no close notion of their husbands'paychecks. 相当大一部分妇女——特别在高收入阶层——并不很了解他们丈夫的薪金。 来自辞典例句
    9 bail [beɪl] Aupz4   第8级
    vt.舀(水),保释;n.保证金,保释,保释人
    参考例句:
    • One of the prisoner's friends offered to bail him out. 犯人的一个朋友答应保释他出来。
    • She has been granted conditional bail. 她被准予有条件保释。
    10 discrepancy [dɪsˈkrepənsi] ul3zA   第7级
    n.不同;不符;差异;矛盾
    参考例句:
    • The discrepancy in their ages seemed not to matter. 他们之间年龄的差异似乎没有多大关系。
    • There was a discrepancy in the two reports of the accident. 关于那次事故的两则报道有不一致之处。
    11 indicator [ˈɪndɪkeɪtə(r)] i8NxM   第9级
    n.指标;指示物,指示者;指示器
    参考例句:
    • Gold prices are often seen as an indicator of inflation. 黃金价格常常被看作是通货膨胀的指标。
    • His left-hand indicator is flashing. 他左手边的转向灯正在闪亮。
    12 partnership [ˈpɑ:tnəʃɪp] NmfzPy   第8级
    n.合作关系,伙伴关系
    参考例句:
    • The company has gone into partnership with Swiss Bank Corporation. 这家公司已经和瑞士银行公司建立合作关系。
    • Martin has taken him into general partnership in his company. 马丁已让他成为公司的普通合伙人。
    13 unwilling [ʌnˈwɪlɪŋ] CjpwB   第7级
    adj.不情愿的
    参考例句:
    • The natives were unwilling to be bent by colonial power. 土著居民不愿受殖民势力的摆布。
    • His tightfisted employer was unwilling to give him a raise. 他那吝啬的雇主不肯给他加薪。
    14 rejection [rɪ'dʒekʃn] FVpxp   第7级
    n.拒绝,被拒,抛弃,被弃
    参考例句:
    • He decided not to approach her for fear of rejection. 他因怕遭拒绝决定不再去找她。
    • The rejection plunged her into the dark depths of despair. 遭到拒绝使她陷入了绝望的深渊。
    15 bode [bəʊd] tWOz8   第12级
    vt. 预示;为…的兆头 vi. 预示 v. 停留;继续;遭到(bide的过去式)
    参考例句:
    • These figures do not bode well for the company's future. 这些数字显示出公司的前景不妙。
    • His careful habits bode well for his future. 他那认真的习惯预示著他会有好的前途。
    16 illuminate [ɪˈlu:mɪneɪt] zcSz4   第7级
    vt.照亮,照明;用灯光装饰;说明,阐释
    参考例句:
    • Dreams kindle a flame to illuminate our dark roads. 梦想点燃火炬照亮我们黑暗的道路。
    • They use games and drawings to illuminate their subject. 他们用游戏和图画来阐明他们的主题。
    17 attachment [əˈtætʃmənt] POpy1   第7级
    n.附属物,附件;依恋;依附
    参考例句:
    • She has a great attachment to her sister. 她十分依恋她的姐姐。
    • She's on attachment to the Ministry of Defense. 她现在隶属于国防部。
    18 flirting [flə:tɪŋ] 59b9eafa5141c6045fb029234a60fdae   第7级
    v.调情,打情骂俏( flirt的现在分词 )
    参考例句:
    • Don't take her too seriously; she's only flirting with you. 别把她太当真,她只不过是在和你调情罢了。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
    • 'she's always flirting with that new fellow Tseng!" “她还同新来厂里那个姓曾的吊膀子! 来自子夜部分
    19 nurture [ˈnɜ:tʃə(r)] K5sz3   第7级
    n.养育,照顾,教育;滋养,营养品;vt.养育,给与营养物,教养,扶持
    参考例句:
    • The tree grows well in his nurture. 在他的培育下这棵树长得很好。
    • The two sisters had received very different nurture. 这俩个姊妹接受过极不同的教育。
    20 peeves [pi:vz] f84f0b6cdb5c3a5b43185dcd53adbfa9   第12级
    n.麻烦的事物,怨恨,触怒( peeve的名词复数 )
    参考例句:
    • It peeves me to be ordered out of my own house. 命令我从自己的家中出去,真太气人了。 来自辞典例句
    • Write down two of your pet peeves about home or any other situation. 写下两个你厌烦的家务事或其他的情况。 来自超越目标英语 第3册
    21 outweighing [aʊtˈweɪŋ] f543fb8e752d2e7fd526e0bdd3437ffb   第8级
    v.在重量上超过( outweigh的现在分词 );在重要性或价值方面超过
    参考例句:
    • Consider(sth good or positive)as balancing or outweighing(sth bad or negative) 视(某好的事物)可抵消或抵偿(某坏的事物) 来自互联网
    • The accused and accusers all succeed in outweighing the Bible. 原告和被告都成功地通过了第一项测试。 来自互联网
    22 admiration [ˌædməˈreɪʃn] afpyA   第8级
    n.钦佩,赞美,羡慕
    参考例句:
    • He was lost in admiration of the beauty of the scene. 他对风景之美赞不绝口。
    • We have a great admiration for the gold medalists. 我们对金牌获得者极为敬佩。
    23 ethical [ˈeθɪkl] diIz4   第8级
    adj.伦理的,道德的,合乎道德的
    参考例句:
    • It is necessary to get the youth to have a high ethical concept. 必须使青年具有高度的道德观念。
    • It was a debate which aroused fervent ethical arguments. 那是一场引发强烈的伦理道德争论的辩论。
    24 deteriorates [diˈtiəriəreits] b30c21764ac9925504e84b9cba3f7902   第7级
    恶化,变坏( deteriorate的第三人称单数 )
    参考例句:
    • After a few years' planting, the quality of the potato crop deteriorates. 土豆种了几年之后就会退化。
    • Virus activity deteriorates in plasma stored at room temperature. 在室温下储藏的血浆中病毒活动逐渐衰退。

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