Poor Roger Federer. The man widely regarded as the world’s greatest tennis player in history is only seven months into his deal with clothing giants Uniqlo and they have already made him look an absolute plum. 可怜的罗杰·费德勒，这个在全球被广泛视为史上最伟大网球运动员的男子，他和服装巨头优衣库的合同才签了7个月，而后者已经让他看起来像个彻底的傻瓜了。

The Swiss player is no stranger to toe-curling advertising¹ campaigns, of course. 当然，这位瑞士运动员拍广告蹩脚已经不是一天两天了。

But his latest foray into salesmanship raises the face-palm bar way, way higher than a garment which combines technologically² advanced fabric³ and large, easy-to-close buttons. Way higher.

但他最新的这次向销售员的转型真的让人捂脸，其强烈程度远高于一个把高科技先进面料与易于操作的巨大纽扣相结合的服装品牌。真的高多了。

This 30-second masterpiece-cum-car-crash opens with the great man standing⁴ at a piano in a well-appointed house. Federer is clad in jeans of an Eighties hue⁵ and a khaki green shirt.

在这段30秒的教科书级别车祸现场一样的广告的开头，这位人生赢家站在井然有序的家中的钢琴前。费德勒穿着一条有80年代影子的牛仔裤，还有一件卡其绿的衬衫。

It then cuts to a close-up of his face, caked in production make-up. “I could only think of tennis and nothing else when I first started,” he says, before playing the opening bars to “Prelude⁶ No 1 to Well Tempered Clavier” by Johann Sebastian Bach. Really. The 20-time Grand Slam winner can play Bach. 然后镜头切换到了他的脸部特写，上面盖满了拍摄需要的化妆品。他说：“当我刚入行的时候，我脑子里只有网球。”然后他开始在钢琴上弹奏约翰·塞巴斯蒂安·巴赫的《十二平均律第一序曲》。对，真的，这位得过20次大满贯的球员能弹巴赫。

“Once I began taking time for myself,” he continued over the music, “that’s when I truly started winning. My time off the court is just as important as my time on. Because tennis is just the beginning of my story. I am just getting started.” 弹完之后，他继续说：“但直到我终于开始自由支配时间，我才真的体会到什么是赢。我在场外的时间就和在场上的时间一样重要。因为，网球只是我故事的开端，而我的故事才刚刚开始。”

Which on first listening is all great – until you remember that a career in the resolutely⁷ individual activity that is tennis could be seen as the epitome⁸ of “taking time for myself”. 这一切乍听之下似乎都不错，但你很快意识到他的这个名为网球的事业似乎本身就代表着“自由支配时间”。

And then comes the clincher. The music stops. “My life, my jeans,” Federer adds, surely weeping inside. “Authentic⁹ jeans with all day comfort.” 之后的桥段就更让人咬牙切齿了。音乐一停，费德勒开始说：“我的生活，我的牛仔裤，全真的牛仔裤带来全天的舒适。”他说这话的时候心里肯定在哭。

It is just that he doesn’t actually seem to be acting¹⁰. He is trying to sound earnest. To think that Federer has over nine years remaining on his deal. What will they make him do next?

更要命的是，他似乎并不是在演戏，他是在努力让自己听起来更真诚。想想看，他和这家公司的合同还有9年啊，他们之后会让他再做些啥呢？