Once a man confessed, "The great question I have not been able to answer is What does a woman want?" Many husbands and boyfriends wonder the same thing today. But modern psychologists—and women—know the answer. A woman wants most everything a man wants: success, power, status, money, love, marriage, children, happiness, and fulfillment.

一位男士曾坦白地说；"一个我无法回答的大问题是：女士想要的是什么？"今天，许多丈夫和男朋友仍为这同一问题而感到困惑。不过，现代心理学家——和女士们知道答案。女士们想要的同男士们想要的几乎没有什么两样。她们需要的是：成功、权力、地位、金钱、爱情、婚姻、孩子、幸福以及自我价值的实现。

Women need to communicate this more clearly. Here are five things that should be told to men.

女士们需要的是将这些要求明确地说出来。这里有五点该对男士们谈一谈。

1. Women need genuine, personal displays of affection .

1. 女士们需要真诚的、发自内心的感情 。

The breed of women who lives off the expensive gifts a man gives her is vanishing. A woman who values love for its own sake tends to be wary¹ of gifts that are too costly². An expensive gift can make her feel that a man is trying to buy her affections and sees her as a prize rather than a person.

那类以男士送贵重礼品为其择偶标准的女性正在销声匿迹。珍视爱情本身价值的女性对太昂贵的礼物持审慎的态度。贵重的礼品使她们感到男士是在试图购买她们的感情，把她们看成是赢得的奖品而不是一个人。

Gifts that give women genuine pleasure are those with a personal touch-an item of clothing, for example—because such gifts, when chosen properly, are statements of caring and high form of flattery, demonstrating recognition of a loved one's special tastes. The best gifts, from a woman's point of view, are those that are on going, rather than flamboyant³. In fact, what's missing from a lot of lives is romance, such as doing small chores for her, sharing a laugh with her. These are the "gifts" that really count.

能给女士们带来真诚快乐的礼物是那些具有个人感情特色的物品，比如一件衣服，因为这类礼物若挑选得当，能体现出关心和爱慕之情，表明你了解心爱人的特殊喜好。从女性角度来看，最好的礼物是那些普通的小礼品，而不是什么花哨艳丽的东西。实际上，生活之中缺乏的是浪漫之情，比如说，为她做些家务，同她一起开怀大笑。这些"礼物"才是真正有价值的。

2. Women need a sympathetic ear .

2. 女士们需要一位具有同情心的听众 。

A simple conversation can be different event to a man and a woman. For a man, a conversation is a way to define a problem, debate the rights and wrongs, and find a solution. To do that, he may repeatedly interrupt the woman until she "understands" the point he's making. But a woman would rather have a friendly ear from a man, instead of advice. Women more often view conversation as a way of sharing their emotions with the listener. They talk until they feel better. A man who wants to get through to a woman conversationally⁴ needs to tap into emotions rather than solutions. And, often, that can mean just listening.

一次普通的谈话对男士和对女士来说可以是两码事。对男士来说，谈话是弄清问题，明辨是非，找出解决问题办法的方式。为了达到此目的，他可能多次打断女士，直到她"明白"他的意图为止。但是，女士却宁愿男士友好地听她谈话，而不要给她提意见。女性常常把谈话看作是同听者分享情感的方式．她们往住要说到自我感觉较好的地步才收住话题。男士若想在交谈中与女士沟通，就需要把注意力集中在情感上，而不是在解决问题的办法上。这常常就意味着应当做一个好的听众。

3. Women don't fall in love as easily as men do .

3. 女士不像男士那样快地坠入情网 。

Men tend to be romantics, often falling in love more quickly than women, who tend to focus on practical considerations in choosing a mate. Women are looking for long-term qualities in a partner. Far more than men, they allow their heads to control their hearts. Even though women may ache for love, they carry around an inner evaluator who asks, Can I count on this man? So any man who hopes to sweep a woman off her feet had better lengthen⁵ his timetable, and pay as much attention to characteristics such as kindness and dependability as he does to his hair, his clothes and his adaptability⁶.

男士在爱情上倾向于浪漫，比女士更易坠入情网。女士的择偶倾向则侧重于许多实际的考虑。她们重视伴侣身上持久的好品质。与男士相比，她们更多的是用理智控制自己的情感。即使女士们在遭受爱情的折磨不能自拔时，她们也会在内心问自己："我能够指望这个男人吗？"所以，任何希望很快就能赢得女士芳心的男士最好放慢速度，延长自己的日程表，并且对善良、可靠性此类方面的人身品质给予足够的重视，就像注重自己的发型、穿着和适应性一样。

4. Women are good problem-solvers .

4. 女性善于处理问题 。

Men and women solve problem in different ways. A man tends to be direct—line up all his options, select one, then proceed. Women are more likely to simply let problems solve themselves-for example, by giving a child more time to adjust to a new teacher, rather than insisting on an immediate⁷ classroom change.

男士和女士以不同的方式处理问题。男士倾向于直接的方法-一摆出所有的观点，选择一个，然后去处理问题。女士更有可能只采取让问题自行得以解决的方法。例如：给予孩子更长点时间去适应一位新老师，而不是坚持要求立刻换班。

5. A woman wants to be friends with her husband .

5. 女性想要的是成为丈夫的朋友 。

"Few women relish⁸ being a mother, secretary or general picker-upper for their husbands. A woman wants the man in her life to be a true equal, someone who respects her strength, treats her weaknesses with kindness, and expects her to be the same for him. In short, she wants a friend, a lover and a partner who understands her.

没有多少女性乐于当专业妈妈，当丈夫的专业文秘，或者当个临时凑合的女人。女士希望她生活中的男士是她真正的平等伙伴，他会尊重她的长处，用善意对待她的短处。同时，他希望她也这样对待他。总而言之，她想要的是一位朋友，一位爱人和一位理解她的伴侣。