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添加时间:2014-07-23 15:01:53 浏览次数: 作者:未知
  • Having been married for more than 40 years, I can attest1 to the truth of the following statement: to excel in the art of domestic argument, one must master the art of losing.


    Modern psychologists are taken with the “win-win” solution. But in marriage, success resides more in “lose-lose” solutions. Out of these, both parties can win. For in the love configuration2, losing gives a gift that always returns.


    One day shortly after my wife and I were married, we set about picking new living-room wallpaper from a book of samples. My taste and hers were at odds3.


    “I like this one,” she said. “That looks like a section of a diseased liver.” “How can you say that? This is a classical pattern that goes all the way back to the Venetian.” “The Venetian were blind. They named blinds after them, remember? I like this one.” “I wouldn’t hang that in hell if I were the devil.”

    “我喜欢这一张。” “这张简直就像一块有病的猪肝。” “你怎么能这样说?这可是一幅古典的古威尼斯风格的图案。” “威尼斯人都瞎眼了,后来的瞎子也都是因威尼斯人得名,记得吗?我喜欢这一张。” “我死也不会挂那一张的。”

    As the argument went on, my wife suddenly slammed the book shut. “There are over two hundred samples in this book,” she declared. “I say we spend our energy finding one that suits us both, instead of bickering4 over the ones we don’t like.”


    And that’s how we settled it. Eventually we found a pattern we both liked. The “wallpaper book” became our symbol for settling the myriad5 issues that arise in marriage. “Well,” she’d say when we couldn’t agree on furniture or a place to vacation, “there are plenty of samples in the wallpaper book.”


    7]The issues that people argue over most in marriage, such as how to spend money, often aren’t the real ones. The key issue is: who is going to be in control? When I was younger, my need to control arose out of fear, a lack of trust, insecurity. The day I finally realized I didn’t need to control my wife—that, indeed, I ought not control her, that I couldn’t control her, and that if I tried to, I would destroy our marriage—was the day our marriage began.


    Giving up control is often confused with weakness. But the winner in a domestic argument is never really the winner. When you win a battle and your partner submits, you have, paradoxically, lost.


    What is it we want most from a marriage? To love and be loved. To be happy and secure. To grow, to discover. A love relationship is the garden in which we plant, cultivate and harvest the most precious of crops, our own self, and in which our spouse6 is provided the same rich soil in which to bloom.


     8级    心灵鸡汤 
     单词标签: attest  configuration  odds  bickering  myriad  spouse 


    1 attest [əˈtest] HO3yC   第9级
    • I can attest to the absolute truth of his statement. 我可以证实他的话是千真万确的。
    • These ruins sufficiently attest the former grandeur of the place. 这些遗迹充分证明此处昔日的宏伟。
    2 configuration [kənˌfɪgəˈreɪʃn] nYpyb   第8级
    • Geographers study the configuration of the mountains. 地理学家研究山脉的地形轮廓。
    • Prices range from $119 to $199, depending on the particular configuration. 价格因具体配置而异,从119美元至199美元不等。
    3 odds [ɒdz] n5czT   第7级
    • The odds are 5 to 1 that she will win. 她获胜的机会是五比一。
    • Do you know the odds of winning the lottery once? 你知道赢得一次彩票的几率多大吗?
    4 bickering ['bɪkərɪŋ] TyizSV   第9级
    v.争吵( bicker的现在分词 );口角;(水等)作潺潺声;闪烁
    • The children are always bickering about something or other. 孩子们有事没事总是在争吵。
    • The two children were always bickering with each other over small matters. 这两个孩子总是为些小事斗嘴。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
    5 myriad [ˈmɪriəd] M67zU   第9级
    • They offered no solution for all our myriad problems. 对于我们数不清的问题他们束手无策。
    • I had three weeks to make a myriad of arrangements. 我花了三个星期做大量准备工作。
    6 spouse [spaʊs] Ah6yK   第7级
    • Her spouse will come to see her on Sunday. 她的丈夫星期天要来看她。
    • What is the best way to keep your spouse happy in the marriage? 在婚姻中保持配偶幸福的最好方法是什么?

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