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  • We cannot obtain what we want unless our partner also gets what he or she wants. A woman may, for instance, want to go to the symphony. Her husband might hate symphonies. But by spending a few hours listening to music he doesn’t care for, he can bring joy to his partner. That’s a pretty cheap price to pay for joy, isn’t it?


    [11]But what if a husband wants to go on a fishing trip with friends? Suddenly there aren’t a lot of samples in the wallpaper book: his wife either agrees or not.


    [12]Already you can hear the usual power strategies: “I’ll spend my money any way I please,” or “How come you’re such a millstone? Jim’s wife is happy that he gets to go.”


    [13]Instead of such strategies, he might try empowering his partner: “Honey, I’d like to go on a fishing trip with the boys. What do you think?” “I thought we were going away.” “How about this fall? I’ve always wanted to take a trip with you to see the fall foliage1 in New England.” “Good idea. I’ll go see my mother while you’re fishing.” Such a dialogue, as idealistic as it sounds, is born of a marriage of mature adults.

    [13]不采用这种办法,丈夫可以把事情让妻子自己决定:“亲爱的,我想和小伙子们一块去钓鱼,你看怎样?” “我想还是我们一块出去吧。” “今年秋天再去怎样?我一直想跟你去新英格兰看一看秋天的落叶。” “好吧。你去钓鱼而我回家看母亲。” 这样的对话,听起来是最理想的了。它只能发生在很成熟的成年人配偶之间。

    [14]But what if she says, “You always make promises you never keep. This fall there will be some excuse. I think you owe me a trip first”? Now he must decide. Is she right? She could be, you know. When the couple arrives at this juncture2, it’s time for him to listen.


    [15]When anger is hurled3 at us, it hurts us. If it were a pistol, I would insist anger, like control, be checked at the door. But anger can also be a response to pain. So when your spouse4 responds in anger, you must terminate the argument. It’s that simple: the argument must end because another person may be in pain.


    [16]Try this: Let a little space occur between you. Let the storm recede5 a little. Then tell your partner you understand that when a person is angry, it means she’s been hurt, and that you want to do something about it because you love her.


    [17]Perhaps she’ll tell you why she’s hurt—angrily. Try not to be put off, but to hear the anger as sounds of hurt. When you discover the pain, you can address its cause, and the anger will begin to fade.


    [18]You’re allowed to get angry too. But dumping anger on your partner is a poor way to soothe6 your hurt. When you talk of your hurt without anger, an unangry response usually comes.


    [19] So remember: If you want to overcome anger in your relationship, search for the hurt. If you want to feel loved and respected, give up control. And if you want to win arguments at home, learn to lose them.


     9级    心灵鸡汤 
     单词标签: foliage  juncture  hurled  spouse  recede  soothe 


    1 foliage [ˈfəʊliɪdʒ] QgnzK   第8级
    • The path was completely covered by the dense foliage. 小路被树叶厚厚地盖了一层。
    • Dark foliage clothes the hills. 浓密的树叶覆盖着群山。
    2 juncture [ˈdʒʌŋktʃə(r)] e3exI   第10级
    • The project is situated at the juncture of the new and old urban districts. 该项目位于新老城区交界处。
    • It is very difficult at this juncture to predict the company's future. 此时很难预料公司的前景。
    3 hurled [hə:ld] 16e3a6ba35b6465e1376a4335ae25cd2   第8级
    v.猛投,用力掷( hurl的过去式和过去分词 );大声叫骂
    • He hurled a brick through the window. 他往窗户里扔了块砖。
    • The strong wind hurled down bits of the roof. 大风把屋顶的瓦片刮了下来。 来自《简明英汉词典》
    4 spouse [spaʊs] Ah6yK   第7级
    • Her spouse will come to see her on Sunday. 她的丈夫星期天要来看她。
    • What is the best way to keep your spouse happy in the marriage? 在婚姻中保持配偶幸福的最好方法是什么?
    5 recede [rɪˈsi:d] sAKzB   第7级
    • The colleges would recede in importance. 大学的重要性会降低。
    • He saw that the dirty water had begun to recede. 他发现那污浊的水开始往下退了。
    6 soothe [su:ð] qwKwF   第7级
    • I've managed to soothe him down a bit. 我想方设法使他平静了一点。
    • This medicine should soothe your sore throat. 这种药会减轻你的喉痛。

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