For as long as she could remember, Vanessa Brewer¹ had her mind set on going to college. The image of herself as a college student appealed to her — independent, intelligent, a young woman full of potential — but it was more than that; it was a chance to rewrite the ending to a family story that went off track 18 years earlier, when Vanessa’s mother, then a high-achieving high-school senior in a small town in Arkansas, became pregnant with Vanessa.

从能够记事的时候起，凡妮莎·布鲁尔(Vanessa Brewer)就抱定了上大学的决心。独立、睿智、前途无量的女大学生形象对她极富吸引力。但上大学的意义不止于此;它还是一个改写18年前脱轨的家庭故事大结局的机会。那一年凡妮莎的妈妈在阿肯色州一个小镇读高三，成绩出色，可她怀上了凡妮莎。

Vanessa’s mom did better than most teenage mothers. She married her high-school boyfriend, and when Vanessa was 9, they moved to Mesquite, a working-class suburb of Dallas, where she worked for a mortgage company. Vanessa’s parents divorced when she was 12, and money was always tight, but they raised her and her younger brother to believe they could accomplish anything. Like her mother, Vanessa shone in school, and as she grew up, her parents and her grandparents would often tell her that she would be the one to reach the prize that had slipped away from her mother: a four-year college degree.

母亲的境遇比大多数少女妈妈好一些。她嫁给了高中时的男友，凡妮莎9岁那年，一家人搬到了达拉斯的工薪阶层郊区梅斯基特，她在那里的一家抵押贷款公司找到了一份工作。父母在凡妮莎12岁那年离异，家里总是缺钱花，但在凡妮莎和弟弟的成长过程中，父母不断鼓励他们，让他们相信自己能够依靠奋斗成就一番事业。像母亲一样，凡妮莎的学习成绩非常好。随着凡妮莎一天天长大，她的父母和祖父母时常对她说，她一定会取得她的妈妈当年错失的成就：一个四年制大学学位。

There were plenty of decent colleges in and around Dallas that Vanessa could have chosen, but she made up her mind back in middle school that she wanted to attend the University of Texas at Austin, the most prestigious² public university in the state. By the time she was in high school, she had it all planned out: She would make her way through the nursing program at U.T., then get a master’s in anesthesiology, then move back to Dallas, get a good job at a hospital, then help out her parents and start her own family. In her head, she saw it like a checklist, and in March 2013, when she received her acceptance letter from U.T., it felt as if she were checking off the first item.

达拉斯市内和周围地区有很多不错的高校，凡妮莎完全可以从中选择一所。不过，早在上初中时，她就下定决心要上德州最负盛名的公立大学——德州大学奥斯汀分校(University of Texas at Austin)。上高中时，她已经做好了求学规划：首先，她将在德州大学完成高级护理课程，然后攻读一个麻醉学硕士学位，然后搬回达拉斯，在医院找一份好工作，帮助她的父母过上好日子，并组建她自己的家庭。在她的想象中，这项规划仿佛是一份梦想清单。2013年3月份，当她收到德州大学录取通知书的时候，那感觉就像是在第一个梦想上打了勾。PARIS — I have an unusual item on my to-do list, wedged between home repairs and unwritten thank-you notes: Become French. I’ve begun the long process of gathering³ documents to apply for French citizenship⁴.

巴黎——从维修房屋到写感谢信，在我那张填得满满当当的待办事项清单上，有一项显得非比寻常，那就是成为法国人。我已经走上了搜集各种文件，以便申请法国公民资格的漫漫长路。

I’ll remain American, too, of course. I’d be a dual⁵ citizen. But becoming French would bring perks⁶. I could vote in French and European elections, stand in faster lines at some airports, work anywhere in the European Union and — crucially — make my children French, too.

当然了，我还将保留美国国籍。我会是一个具有双重国籍的人。成为法国人是有好处的。我可以在法国和欧洲的选举中投票，可以在一些机场排到速度较快的队里，可以在欧盟地区的任何地方工作——关键是还可以把我的孩子也变成法国人。

But adopting a new nationality, even one from the place I’ve lived for more than 10 years, raises existential issues. I’ve gotten used to being a foreigner. I’m not sure I’m ready to abandon my otherness, which has become an identity in itself. What does “Frenchness” entail⁷? Can it really be acquired? Will I suddenly hold a fork in my left hand, and remember whether it’s un plaisir or une plaisir to meet someone?

但使用新国籍，即便是我已经住了十多年的这个国家的国籍，也会带来一些存在主义的问题。我已经习惯于作为外国人而存在了。我不确定自己是否做好了抛弃他者身份的准备，它本身已经成为一种身份。“法国风范”(Frenchness)意味着什么?它真的能够被习得吗?我会不会突然用左手拿起一把叉子，然后开始想，“见到某人是一件很高兴的事”这句话中的“一件”，该用“un”还是“une”来表示?

These are privileged problems, of course. Americans aren’t the ones targeted by the anti-immigrant parties gaining clout⁸ across Europe. Thousands of migrants have died this year on boats from Africa to Europe. Migrants in Calais, the French port city, are trying to reach Britain by clinging to the bottom of trucks.

当然了，遇到这些问题是幸运的。美国人并非在整个欧洲影响日盛的一些反移民政党的目标。今年已经有数千名移民在乘船从非洲前往欧洲时丧了命。法国港口城市加莱的一些移民，正试图扒在货车底部前往英国。

I’ll have time to ponder this while I’m pursuing French citizenship. The whole procedure can take years. Amid repeated requests for new documents, some would-be French people just give up.

在申请成为法国公民的过程中，我会有很多时间来思考上述问题。该过程可能要持续好几年时间。由于被反复要求提交新的文件，有些想加入法国国籍的人只好放弃。

This may be by design. “The difficulty of the ordeal⁹ seems a means of testing the authenticity¹⁰ of his/her commitment to the project of becoming French,” the sociologists Didier Fassin and Sarah Mazouz concluded in their 2009 paper “What Is It to Become French?” Officials can reject an applicant¹¹ because he hasn’t adopted French values, or merely because his request isn’t “opportune¹².”

这可能是当局故意为之。“这种难以承受的煎熬似乎是考验申请者诚意的方法，看看他们对成为法国人这件事有多投入，”社会学家迪迪埃·法西 (Didier Fassin)和萨拉·马佐兹(Sarah Mazouz)在发表于2009年的论文《成为法国人意味着什么?》(What Is It to Become French)中总结道。工作人员可以因为一个申请人没有接受法式价值观而拒绝他，或者仅仅因为他提交申请的时机并不“恰当”。

So far, my favorite part of the application is the option to “Frenchify” my name. In official examples, Mrs. “El Mehri” becomes Mrs. “Emery”; “Ahmed” becomes “Ahmed Alain” (or if he prefers, “Alain Ahmed”); and the Polish immigrant “Jacek Krzysztof Henryk” emerges as the debonair¹³ “Maxime.”

到目前为止，申请过程中我最喜欢的一件事是把我的名字“法语化”(Frenchify)。在官方给出的例子中，“迈赫里”(El Mehri)夫人变成了“埃默里”(Emery)夫人，“艾哈迈德”(Ahmed)变成了“艾哈迈德·阿兰”(Ahmed Alain)，波兰移民的名字“亚采·克日什托夫·亨里克”(Jacek Krzysztof Henryk)则变成了温文尔雅的“马克西姆”(Maxime)。

There’s a long tradition of Frenchification here. Napoleon Bonaparte was born Napoleone di Buonaparte and spoke¹⁴ French with a thick Corsican accent. He and others spent the 19th century transforming France from a nation with a patchwork¹⁵ of regional languages and dialects to one where practically everyone spoke proper French.

“法语化”有悠久的传统。拿破仑·波拿巴(Napoleon Bonaparte)原名Napoleone di Buonaparte，他说的法语带有浓重的科西嘉口音。在19世纪，他和其他人一起，把盛行多种地区语言和方言的法国，转化成了几乎每个人都说正统法语的国家。

Schools were their main instrument. French schools follow a national curriculum that includes arduous¹⁶ surveys of French philosophy and literature. Frenchmen then spend the rest of their lives quoting Proust to one another, with hardly anyone else catching¹⁷ the references.

他们的主要手段是学校教育。法国学校按照全国统一课程开课，需要学生苦苦研读法国哲学和文学。法国人彼此交谈时喜欢引用普鲁斯特，别的人几乎不懂他们的言下之意。

If it were just a matter of reading your way to Frenchness, I might have a chance. But there’s a whole monde of associations I’m missing, too. When a co-worker recently told me he planned to bring a cactus¹⁸ to our shared office, he assumed I knew this was a metaphor¹⁹ for life’s beauty and pain, and a reference to the lyrics²⁰ of a Jacques Dutronc song.

如果靠阅读就能习得法国风范，我可能还有机会。但我完全不能理解法国人的联想。最近一位同事告诉我，他打算把仙人掌带到我们共用的办公室，他以为我知道这是一个隐喻，指的是生命的美丽和痛苦，出自于雅克·迪特龙克(Jacques Dutronc)的歌词。

Even the rituals of friendship are different here. The Canadian writer Jean-Benoît Nadeau, who just spent a year in Paris, says there are clues that a French person wants to befriend you: She tells you about her family; she uses self-deprecating humor; and she admits that she likes her job. There’s also the fact that she speaks to you at all. Unlike North Americans, “the French have no compunction about not talking to you.”

在这里，就连友谊的表达方式都不同。加拿大作家让-伯努瓦·纳多(jean-benoit nadeau)刚刚在巴黎住了一年，他说，法国人想要和你交朋友的迹象有：她把自己家人的情况告诉你;她幽默地自我解嘲;她承认喜欢自己的工作。其实她和你说话本身就是个迹象。与北美人不同，“法国人对于不和某人说话是毫不愧疚的”。

Apparently²¹, being a Parisian woman has its own requirements. The new book “How to Be Parisian Wherever You Are” says Parisiennes are “imperfect, vague, unreliable and full of paradoxes” and have “that typically French enthusiasm for transforming life into fiction.” I need to cultivate an “air of fragility,” too.

做一名巴黎女性似乎也有独特的要求。新书《无论身在何处，都可以当巴黎人》(How to Be Parisian Wherever You Are)称，巴黎人的特点就是“不完美、含糊不清、不可靠和充满悖论”，拥有“那种把生活转化成小说的典型的法国式热情”。我也需要培养“一种脆弱性”。

Inspired by the culinary expressions in Clotilde Dusoulier’s book “Edible²³ French,” I’ve also been waiting for the chance to tell someone he’s making “a whole cheese” out of nothing, and to complain that a meeting lasted “as long as a day without bread.” I’m planning to tell the official at my naturalization interview — who’ll be measuring my level of integration²⁴ — that I’m as comfortable in Paris as “a rooster in dough²⁵.”

克萝蒂·杜苏里埃(Clotilde Dusoulier)的书《食用法国》(Edible French)使用烹饪的语言表达想法，我也受此启发，一直在等待机会告诉某人，他正在无中生有出“一整块奶酪”，抱怨会议漫长得“好像一整天都没有面包吃”。我打算在入籍面试时，对那位负责测评我的融入程度的官员说：我在巴黎，就像“一只公鸡在面团里”那样舒适。

But true Frenchness can’t be faked. My husband (who’s British, and not trying to become French) is convinced that Parisians even walk differently. Apparently nobody expects me to achieve a state of inner Frenchness. At a naturalization ceremony that the two sociologists observed, an official told new citizens that they were granted French nationality because they had assimilated “not to the point where you entirely²⁶ resemble native French people, yet enough so that you feel at ease among us.”

但是真正的法国风范是不能伪装的。我的丈夫(他是英国人，没有试图成为法国人)深信，巴黎人就连走路的方式都不同。显然，没有人指望我能从骨子里有法国风范。有两位社会学家曾说，在一次入籍仪式上，一名官员告诉新的公民：虽然他们还没有被同化到“完全类似于法国土著的程度，但是达到了在我们中间可以怡然自得的程度”，因此被授予了法国国籍。