We're no strangers to relationship problems. Now, new research has found that being prone¹ to feelings of guilt² can make partnerships³ more challenging — and cause us to shy away from them.

我们对于关系问题并不陌生。现在新的调查发现感到羞愧会使伙伴关系更具挑战性-导致我们害羞的远离他们。

The study, published in last month's issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology⁵, used a series of five experiments to examine how people's susceptibility to guilt affected⁶ the likelihood that they'd enter into a new partnership⁴. Participants first completed a questionnaire about how guilty or ashamed they would feel in various situations — for example, would they keep extra change if a salesclerk didn't notice?

研究，出版于上个月的个性日志和社会心理的头条，用了一系列的五次实验来检验人们的感觉是怎样的对于羞愧影响他们进入一段新关系的可能性。参与者首先完成了一张调查问卷关于他们会怎样感觉羞愧或羞耻在不同的情景中---例如，他们会保持额外的改变吗如果销售员没有注意？

Then, in each experiment, participants were given a task that required some expertise⁷. For instance, a participant would be instructed to work on an accounting⁸ task with a partner who just so happened to be an expert in accounting. The first participant then got to decide whether they would be scored as a team or as individuals.

然后，在每次试验中，给予参与者的任务需要一些专长。例如，参与，者会被指导从事一个算账的任务和一个伙伴碰巧是算账专家。第一个参与者会决定它们是作为团队还是个体计分。

The results showed that participants who were more prone to feeling guilty were less likely to form partnerships — meaning collaborate⁹ and combine scores — with people they perceived to be more competent. The authors suggest this might be because the guilt-prone people were concerned they would get more than they gave, thus letting their partners down. They preferred to do poorly on the task on their own, rather than potentially disappoint their partners.

结果表明参与者更易于感到羞愧的更不可能形成伙伴关系---意味着合作和获得分数---她们认为更具竞争性的人。作者认为这可能是因为易于羞愧的人关心它们会得到什么而不是给予什么一次，因此使伙伴们沮丧。它们更喜欢自己做任务，而不是潜在的使伙伴失望。

Of course, this study looked at business partnerships, not romantic ones. But, other studies have shown that guilt and shame, which are clinically different concepts but often overlap¹⁰, can play huge roles in both starting and maintaining dating-type relationships, too. Feeling guilty can be a good thing (it makes us more likely to apologize and smooth things over), but only when we've actually done something wrong. Guilt trips for no reason — or just feeling guilty all the time — can cause a buildup of resentment¹¹. The effects of shame are especially pronounced for those dealing¹² with anxiety disorders¹³.

当然，这种研究看重商业伙伴关系而不是感性关系。但是其他研究表明羞愧和害羞，不同的概念经常部分重叠，在开始和维持日常类型的关系上也扮演重要的角色。感到害羞是一件好事（它使我们更易道歉，把事情解决），但是只有当我们真正做错事的时候。无原因的害羞---或一直感到害羞--会导致愤恨的积压。害羞的效应尤其被那些处理焦虑混乱的人了解。

So, if you're prone to this "important" trait, learning to give yourself a break could be the secret to a happier relationship.

因此，如果你易于这种“重要的”特点，学会放松你自己会是快乐的关系的秘密。