1. Everyone needs free space

每个人都需要自由空间

Many people think that a true love means that they should spend 24 hours a day together with the person they love. Such schedule will make you lose your identity in a quite short period of time. Remember, everyone needs some free time and space to satisfy their personal needs and do things that make them feel alive. By all means, don’t let your identity die, because it will be difficult to bounce back.

许多人认为，真爱意味着他们应该24小时和爱人在一起。然而这样的日程安排会让你很快就失去自我。记住，每个人都需要一些自由时间跟空间来满足他们个人的需求、做一些能让他们感觉充满活力的事情。无论如何，不要丧失自我，因为找回自我会很困难。

2. The lust¹ period is temporary

激情只是暂时的

This wonderful period usually makes you fly on the wings of love. When you are extremely happy, you spend hours dressing² to impress your partner and talking about love till the dawn. Unfortunately, the period of butterflies in the stomach ends fast andamorousness turns into a real and adequate love. Love is the period when you are ready to share both good and bad with the person you love. Love really grows when you have no fear to lose and when you absolutely accept all pros³ and cons⁴ of your significant other.

恋爱中激情四射的这个奇妙阶段，通常会让你恋爱的小翅膀飞个不停。当你非常高兴的时候，你会花很多时间打扮自己来打动你的伴侣，跟他谈论爱情直到天明。不幸的是，这段心中小鹿乱撞的时期会很快结束，激情变成了一种真正充分的爱。这段时期的爱情，是你准备好跟你的爱人分享你的好与坏。爱只有在你不惧怕失去、完全接受另一半的好与坏的时候才会真正成长。

3. Other people don’t belong to you

别人并不属于你一个人

Nowadays we live in a democratic world where people are free and have equal rights and responsibilities. Moreover, we are free to express ourselves and lead an independent life. No matter how long you’ve been together, you should understand that the person you love isn’t your property. People who really love each other are committed to this beautiful feeling and treat each other with respect. Your love is your muse⁵ but not your possession. You cannot control the behavior and every step of your partner, because it will only break trust in your relationship. The only adequate thing you can do is to trust him and try to create common rules of commitment both of you should stick to.

如今的我们生活在一个民主的社会里，每个人都是自由的、他们拥有同等的权利和责任。除此之外，我们可以自由地表达自己的想法，过独立的生活。不管你们在一起多久了，你都应该明白你爱的那个人不是你的个人财产。真正相爱的两个人会对这段美妙的感情履行承诺、互相尊重。你的爱是你自己的想法而非真正占有。你不能控制另一半的所有行为，因为这只会破坏你们之间的信任。你唯一能做的就是相信他，试着去创造一种你们两个人都能遵守的承诺规则。

4. Complete yourself

完善你自己

I do agree that other people can improve you and fill your life with joy and wonderful colors, but you should realize that people will never complete you or live up to your expectations. There’s no need for validation⁶ from your partner. First of all, you should learn to cultivate self-love before you can share it with your beloved. Try to develop yourself until you find yourself confident and complete. It requires you to change your actions, thoughts, emotions and behaviors.

我赞成其他人能够帮助你提高自我、并且让你的生活更加美好和丰富多彩，但是你应该意识到，人们永远不会去成全你或者满足你的期望。没有必要事事都要得到另一半的批准。首先，在能够和爱人分享你的爱之前，你要学会爱自己。试着提升自己，慢慢地你会变得更加自信、更加完整。这就需要你改变你的行动、想法、情感和言谈举止。

5. Don’t even try to change your partner

不要试图改变你的另一半

You can change many things in this world, but it’s almost impossible to change your partner’s outlook and habits. All you can do is to show the right path to your partner and if they have an internal desire to change, they’ll make a shift. A humanpsyche has the capacity to ignore things and ideas strongly imposed by others. This way your partner may achieve temporary improvements and then return to their casual habits again. If you cannot stand something in your partner, then you should shift your energy and react to the situation in a different way. It’s better to stay calm and respond everything in cold blood.

在这个世界上你可以很多东西，但是几乎不可能改变另一半的观点和习惯。你所能做的只是把一些正确的方法展现给他们，如果他们内心想要改变的话，他们会主动做出改变的。人类的灵魂会习惯性忽视别人强加给他们的思想或行为，用强加的方式可能会让你的另一半暂时得到提高，但是不久之后他们又会回到原来的样子。如果你不能忍受另一半的某些缺点，你就应该把精力放在改变自己身上，用不同的方式去应付各种状况。不管面对什么事情，都最好保持冷静。

6. Get rid of your inner conflicts

摆脱你内心的纠结

Your attitude and behavior in your relationship can be the reflection of your fears and anxiety which reign⁷ in your sub consciousness. If you want to have a healthy relationship, you should start from healing your inner world from fears and conflicts. Plus, you need to do all possible things to boost your self-esteem. Begin to love yourself and you’ll be able to share your love with somebody else.

你在恋爱中的态度和行为举止，都会反映出你潜意识里的恐惧和担忧。如果你想要有一段健康的恋爱关系，你就应该从治愈你内心世界的恐惧和担忧开始。还有，你需要尽可能地做一些提升自己自尊心的事情。开始爱护自己，这样你才能够去爱别人。

7. Learn how to let go gracefully⁸

学着优雅地放手

It seems that some relationships teach us how to honorably let go. After a considerable reflection on the opportunity to build a happy and healthy relationship, you may realize that this love doesn’t cost your time and energy to continue. Unhappy relationships teach you to struggle for happiness. Furthermore, you should use the opportunity to let go of the past in order to be able to find the true love of all your life and cultivate a long and loving relationship. Don’t become disheartened the next time you face a relationship break-up, because it may help you develop a new vision of the world and start a better relationship.

似乎有一些恋爱总会教我们怎么去体面地放手。在建立一个幸福和健康的恋爱关系过程中，相当多的反思之后，你会明白这份爱不会再继续浪费你的时间和精力。不快乐的恋爱教会你如何为幸福做斗争。除此之外，你应该把握这次对过去放手的机会，从而能够找寻你生命中的真爱、并和TA培养一段持久有爱的恋爱关系。当你再次面临分手的时候，别泄气，因为这有助于你换个视角看世界、并开始新的恋情。