Listen: I have a girlfriend. We’ve been dating for a long while now. We’re happy. And we’ll remain that way so long as she doesn’t read this article. For here I tell you how to finagle your way to the liquid romance of good conversations, long laughs, and stolen desires. I tell you how to get the Canadian girl of your dreams (kind of like the Canadian girl of my dreams, except, well, she’s mine already).

我有个在一起很久了的女友，我们很开心。如果她不看到这篇文章的话我们还会一直好下去。此文中，我会告诉你怎样和心仪的女孩聊得开心、乐得开怀，互相点燃爱火，以及怎样追到你梦中的加拿大女孩（就像我的梦中情人一样的女孩，但我已经追到她了）。

These are conversation starters, ice breakers in a Canadian climate that has too much ice to begin with. For this reason, these introductory pick-up lines are often cheesy. But that’s okay – as long as your intended paramour isn’t lactose intolerant.

在加拿大这么冷的地方，打破僵局的话头不快准狠可不行。所以这下面的话大多肉麻又甜腻，但只要你喜欢的对象不是乳糖不耐症患者就没关系……

FOR THE BAR

在酒吧

Canadian bars and pubs are an oasis¹ of delirium², frustration³, and single people. They offer a comfortable environment to relax, drink, and – if done correctly – work your way into a relationship if only for a little while.

加拿大的酒吧是发疯买醉的好去处，是饥渴单身人士的绿洲。人们在酒吧里可以边放松边喝酒，只要方法得当，你可能还会有艳遇。

“Do you mind holding my Molson Canadian while I buy you yours?”

“可以帮我拿一下Molson Canadian吗，我得腾出手去给你买一杯。”

“Did you fall from heaven, and were the injuries covered by our healthcare?” Social, universal healthcare is always funny. Ask the United States.“你是从天堂掉落凡间的吗？治疗摔伤用了我们的医保吗？”全社会统一的医保总是可以拿来做笑梗，问问美国就知道了。

FOR THE CLASSROOM

在教室

Universities are a hive of frenzied⁴ passions, unadulterated inhibitions, and youthful naivety⁵. In other words, it’s the perfect place to try some of these lines.

大学充满了狂热、禁欲或幼稚的年轻人。换句话说，在这里试试下面这几句话再好不过了。

If it’s a music class, say, “Do you like Justin Bieber?” There’s only one answer to this question, so it’s an easy discussion to set up. There’s a small chance that they’ll say yes, though. If they do, then turn away. I have just saved you from making a horrible decision.

如果在上音乐课，说“你喜欢贾斯汀·比伯吗？”能接受的答案只有一个，所以你要准备的对话内容很简单。也有人会说喜欢，虽然概率很小。但一旦碰上这种人，就别和她讲话了。我可在你犯下大错前拉了你一把。

If in a French course, say, “Can you translate this: J’aime tu.” They’ll tell you it means, “I like you.” And you’ll say, “Don’t you think that’s a bit strong? We just met.” And then they’ll laugh, and you’ll keep talking, and, well… you’ll thank me later.

如果在上法语课，就说：“你知道‘J’aime tu’是什么意思吗？”她们会说，“我喜欢你”。你回道，“你不觉得太快了吗？我们才见面呀。”然后她们就会笑，你继续说你的，最后……你就会感谢我了。

And last of all, if it’s a political science class, say, “At least I’m not Stephen Harper.” The fact that you’re not Canada’s increasingly unpopular Prime Minister probably won’t hurt your chances

最后，如果是政治课，说：“还好我不是Stephen Harper。”他是加拿大的首相，其民众支持率屡创新低，所以这话可能非常合妹子的心意。

FOR THE CLUB

在夜店

These are pulse-pounding, thought-erasing establishments of a special breed of young night-rats. You’ll inevitable⁶ find yourself stuck in one of these black holes one day; the gravity is too strong to avoid. So, too, could a momentary⁷ lover – so remember these lines.

年轻的夜猫子们一去夜店就心跳加快，大脑一片空白。有一天，你也会无可避免地陷入这些个黑洞中；它们的吸引力太强了，艳遇也是一样。所以要牢记这些话！

“Drake’s lyrics⁸ don’t compare to talking to you.” Everyone loves a reference to Canadian rap.“和你讲话比听Drake的歌好多了。”所有人都喜欢拿加拿大说唱来说笑。

“I want some poutine; want some?” As I said, the first-impression pick-up lines will be cheesy – particularly when they involve cheese curds⁹. Don’t hold back though: poutine on the way home is always a good excuse to escape with your eardrums still intact, and maybe even a lucky someone to join you.“我想吃poutine（译者注：加拿大国菜，薯条加奶酪），你想吃吗？”我之前说过，你乍看这些开场白可能觉得很油腻（cheesy）——而且这一句本来就牵扯到奶酪（cheese）。大胆说出口吧，回家路上吃poutine本来就是逃离繁杂场所的好理由，有人一起就再好不过了。