Are You A Modern Day Cinderella?

你是现代版灰姑娘吗？

Many women model their lives after one of the most famous (and most exhausted) female¹ characters of all, Cinderella - not the glass slipper² and ball gown³ Cinderella but the work-her-fingers-to-the-bone-exhausted Cinderella, who desperately⁴ needs a vacation and some beauty rest.

许多女性的生活简直是最著名（也是最累人的）的女性角色之一-"灰姑娘"的翻版。但不是穿着水晶鞋和舞会礼服的灰姑娘，而是每天干活到精疲力竭的那个灰姑娘，这些现代版的"灰姑娘"们急需一个假期和一些美容觉。

You think you are not working as hard as Cinderella?

你觉得自己并没有灰姑娘那么累是吗？

When was the last time you took the day off because you felt a cold coming on? (I am not talking about lying in bed with a box of tissues⁵ and a bag of menthol cough drops because you can't function. That doesn't count.)

那你上次因为感冒请假是什么时候的事了？（我不是指那种抱着一盒纸巾和止咳药水躺在床上的情况，因为这时你身体机能不能正常运转，不算在之内。）

When was the last time you checked in with your needs and listened to your body's calls for help? (Upset stomach, lost sleep, anxiety, feeling the stress buzz)

你上次因为身体不适去做检查是什么时候的事了？（胃部不适，失眠，焦虑或是压力导致的耳鸣）

When was the last time you stopped to simply enjoy your day? Notice what's blooming around you. Claim a peaceful moment, sit and look out into the sky. (Ahh)

你有多久没有停下脚步好好享受生活了？多观察身边的美好吧。找个宁静的时光，坐下来静静细赏云卷云舒。

When was the last time you rested because it just feels good to be at rest?

你有多久没有想休息就休息了？

In my new book, Stop Giving It Away, I write about a pervasive⁶ problem I call Detrimental⁷ Caretaking. First know that caretaking in and of itself is not a bad thing.

在我的新书《别再放弃》中写道了一种普遍的问题，我将其称为"有害照料"。首先要了解，照料其本身并不是一件坏事。

When it comes to people, some caretaking is a necessary and natural part of life (with children and the elderly, for example). It's what comes with being a caring, compassionate⁸, responsible person. Caretaking comes from a great place of loving and giving.

说到人的时候，照料是人生中不可或缺且自然而然的一部分（比如，对孩子或老人）。这是作为一个有爱心、同情心和责任心的人所必须具有的特质。它来自心底的爱与给予。

We become detrimental caretakers when we:

我们在以下这些情况就变成了"有害照料者"：

1. Take care as a result of unhealthy belief systems. Everything is up to me. Without me, everything will fall apart and nothing will get done. It's all on me.

1. 带着一种不健康的思想去照料别人。什么事都是由我决定的。没了我，什么事都做不成。什么事都得我做。

2. Make decisions based on fear, pressure, and the inability to speak up for ourselves and because we can't set boundaries. If I don't do this, he or she will be mad at me. He'll yell⁹ at me and make me feel stupid. I'll be punished in one way or another if I don't …

2. 所做的决定都基于恐惧和压力，还有因为无法制定界限而不敢为自己出头的无能。如果我不这样做，他或她就会生我的气。他会吼我并让我觉得自己很蠢。如果我不这样就会受到这样那样的惩罚…

3. Cover and do for people who can and should make decisions and take action for themselves. Someone has to step in-it's what's best for everyone. I can't stand by and let this happen.

3. 掩护或代替那些本该自己做出决定并为此承担责任的人。总要有人介入-这对所有人都最好。我不能坐视不管。

4. Take care of all these things first and at the expense-to the detriment-of ourselves. It's selfish to put my needs in front of others' needs. I was taught that's it's better to give, no matter what.

4. 一个人包揽全局，并以牺牲自我为代价。将自我需要置于他人之前太自私了。我受到的教育是无论如何都要自我奉献。

People who fall down the Detrimental Caretaking path don't feel good about it, but it takes some effort and increased consciousness¹⁰ to realize the need for change. "And you don't know what you feel; but you know it's not satisfied. (Natalie Merchant's Ladybird).

走上"有害照料者"这条路上的人们对此感觉并不好，但要让他们意识到改变的必要还是得花些精力和意识。"你不知道感觉如何；但你明白自己对此并不满意。"

Detrimental caretaking occurs in different degrees and can occur in one or all areas of life-home, work, life and love. Detrimental caretaking means you give in (make sacrifices) for the people and circumstances around you. It can feel like something or someone (other than you) is running your life. It doesn't have to be that way.

"有害照料"的程度或浅或深，并可能发生生活中的各个方面-家庭，工作，生活还有爱情。"有害照料"意味着你为周围的人或环境作出了妥协和牺牲。那感觉就如你让别人来接管了自己的生活。而你知道这一切不必如此。