If you're struggling to absorb negative feedback from your manager, ask to take some time to process the information. Then be sure to follow up with her.

如果你在接受经理的差评时感到生不如死一样，那么花些时间记住她说的吧，注意跟紧！

Ever felt caught off guard when your boss gave you some critical feedback? If you're like a lot of people, negative feedback can be rough to hear, and you might get defensive¹ or upset or shut down. But those reactions, while understandable, won't serve as you nearly as well as responding calmly and professionally – even in the face of the toughest feedback. Here's how to do it:

老板曾经毫不留情地给你差评？也许你和大多数人一样，觉得听差评小心脏会受不了，然后变得防守心强，不开心或者自闭。但是你的这些反应虽然是可以理解的，却不如给个冷静而专业的差评回复对你更有利——即使是面对最撕逼的回馈。看看你该咋做：

1.First and foremost, get clear in your head that feedback – especially critical feedback – is something that will help you.

至关紧要的是，要清楚反馈—特别是批评—是能帮你提升的东西

After all, think about what would happen if your employer never gave you feedback: You'd stagnate² in your job instead of grow professionally, and you'd be less likely to get better and better at what you do. And without feedback, you could become totally unaware³ of serious issues that could impact your career progression or reputation and even get you fired in some cases. (That last one especially matters! Even if you ultimately disagree with the feedback, it's crucial to understand your manager's perspective so that you can make better decisions for yourself.)

别忘了想想如果头儿就是不给你回馈会怎样：你的工作不会蒸蒸日上，而是停滞不前，你越来越没有把分内事做得更好的可能。而且，你可能完全意识不到哪些影响你影响你工作进程和个人名誉的严重问题，甚至在某些情况下会让你被炒成鱿鱼。（最后一条那肯定是相当重要！不管你对回馈有多大的老不情愿，理解经理的观点并为自己做更好的打算都是很重要的。）

In fact, the more you can train yourself to actively⁴ want feedback – to seek it out and to welcome it when it comes – the better you're likely to do in your career, and the more people will probably like working with you.

事实上，你越想主动要回馈—寻找它欢迎它么么哒—你就越有可能把工作做得越好，而且可能会有更多人想和你一同工作。

2.Don't react right away.

不要做所谓的“随机应便”

Too often, people's first instinct when hearing critical feedback is to defend themselves – to explain why their manager's assessment⁵ is wrong or why there were extenuating⁶ circumstances or simply to disagree.

常常是这样，人们有听见批评保护自己的本能——解释为什么上司的分析不对、有些时候可以通融通融或者你爹我就是不同意。

It's certainly possible that your manager is wrong or that special circumstances were in play – but it's not helpful to leap straight there. If you do, you'll make it harder for yourself to truly hear and process the feedback, and you're more likely to come across as defensive rather than open to input⁷. Instead, focus at first on just listening. Then …

你的经历确实可能说错了，有些事情也确实情有可原——但也别直白说出来。如果你义不容辞了，其实会让自己更难于真正倾听别人以及根据回馈做出调整，你可能会变得越来越防备，而不是敞开心扉。其实闭上嘴先好好听听，然后再￥%&*》·#。。。

3.Actively show that you're open to the feedback.

让别人知道你可喜欢听回馈了呢

Giving critical feedback is hard, and many managers are nervous when they do it. The more you show that you are open to the conversation, the easier it will go for both of you – and the more likely you are to draw out additional useful information.

给批评建议对于一些经理来说是不好办的。你越表现的想听，这件事对你们俩来说越好过—你也更有可能挖掘到其他有用的信息。

If you simply absorb the input in silence, your manager might not have any idea what you're thinking or whether you're angry or upset or you disagree. Instead, try saying something like: "I really appreciate you telling me this. I didn't realize this was a problem, and I'm grateful that you raised it."

如果吸收建议时你只想做一个安静的美男子的话，你的经理可能就被整懵圈了，他想啥呢？他生气啦？他不高兴啦？他不同意我说的？说这种话：“艾玛您给我讲的话实在对我改进工作大有帮助。我以前都没有意识到这个问题，谢谢您帮我提出来！:)”

Note that you're not even agreeing with the feedback here – you're simply demonstrating that you don't have your guard up and that you welcome the conversation. And now you're having a discussion that's more about collaborative problem-solving than one-way criticism.

或者指出你一丁点都不同意上司说的——但是要表述的客观开放而且希望就这一事谈谈。现在谈话就变成了双方共同解决问题，而不是单方面受批评了。

4.Share relevant information

告诉上司相关信息

At this point, you might realize you have information or perspective that your manager doesn't, and which might impact her assessment if she knew it. It's reasonable to mention, for example, that the reason a report was late was because you were waiting on information from someone who was out sick, or that you didn't put as much energy into project X because the CEO told you to focus exclusively on project Y.

这方面指的是，你要知道你的一些情况或观点你的经理不知道，而他们很可能因为不了解而对你的工作有误判。提起这些都是有用的，比如你提交报告晚了，是因为你在等一个病号员工提供必要信息，或是你没有花多大精力在X项目，是因为CEO叫你集中精力于Y项目。

Most managers want to know that kind of thing, and it's fine to say: "You're right that I didn't put a lot of energy into project X. I had thought that project Y was a higher priority and so I was keeping my focus there. Was that the wrong call to make?"

很多经理想知道这些，那么你但说无妨：“对于我没有完全扑到X项目上去这一点你说得对。但我觉得Y项目更加重要，所以我花更多时间在它身上。我（老子，你可以自己这么想但不要说）这么做不对吗？”

As long as you're actively demonstrating openness to your manager's message, it shouldn't come across as defensive to share information that might change her assessment.

一旦你对经理的信息打开天窗说了亮话，告诉他可能改变对你评价的信息就不会被当作是你的防备心理作怪了。

5.Ask for time to process the feedback if you need to

如果需要的话，申请花些时间检验回馈是否合情合理

Sometimes it's tough to absorb critical feedback on the spot or to figure out how you want to respond. If that's the case, it's fine to say something like: "I really appreciate you telling me this. Would it be OK if I took some time to think about this and then circled back to you in a few days with my thoughts?"

有时立即接受批评建议或者想好怎么回答是很难的。如果真是这样的话，说这样的话是可以的：“我很感谢你告诉我你的看法。能不能给我几天让我考虑一下你的建议，再来找你说说我的想法？”

Of course, then make sure that you really do circle back. At that point, the onus⁸ will be on you to raise the topic again. If you don't, you'll look like you're shirking a tough conversation or not taking it seriously.

当然喽，别让人巴巴地等着，一定要再找人家说啊。这时，提起这个话题的责任在你。如果你就不，那就会被人家认为是你在逃避这个艰难的谈话，或者是根本不把这个谈话当回事。