We all have relationships. We have acquaintances, relatives, colleagues, neighbors and probably some friends. However, for a large percentage of us, many of these relationships are simply not fulfilling。

每个人都有交际，都有认识的人、亲戚、同事、邻居还有一些朋友。但对很多人来说，以上这些人际关系并不尽人意。

They are unfulfilling because they lack real strength; and they lack real strength because they lack real depth。

不尽人意是因为关系不牢靠，而关系不牢靠则是因为缺乏深交。

Unfortunately, in today’s society, we tend to have shallow, superficial relationships with others, and it’s extremely hard for this kind of relationships to provide anything more than faint satisfaction。

可是，当今社会人与人之间的关系向来淡薄，而这种淡薄的人际关系又怎会让人顺心如意呢？

I’d like to show you, based on my experience as a communication and confidence coach, how you can add a significant amount of depth, and thus strength, to your relationships and make your social life a whole lot more meaningful。

根据做我做交流与自信力培训教练的经验，我可以教你怎样使人际关系升华、变牢靠，使你的社交生活更加丰富多彩。

1. Meet More People

多认识人

This is an apparent paradox¹, but the quality of the people you meet has considerably² to do with the quantity of people you meet。

显然这有点自相矛盾，但人际“质量”确实跟交往“数量”有很大关系。

If you don’t know a lot of people and you barely meet one or two new people every season of the year, considering the variety of individuals out there, you won’t meet very often people who are a good match with you in terms of personality, interests and values。

如果你交游寥寥，一年四季只结交一两个人，想想你还有那么多各种各样不曾结识的人，那你确实很难认识跟自己脾气、爱好、观念相投的人了。

And since this natural match plays a huge part in building strong relationships, you’ll just as seldom have the opportunity to develop strong relationships。

而性格相投对牢固的人际关系又是如此关键，所以那样你更难有机会建立良好的人际关系了。

Conversely, if you go out a lot, you meet a lot of new people and you constantly expand your social circle, you’re much more likely to meet people you match up well with, and these people have a tremendous potential to become good friends, reliable partners, etc。

相反，如果你经常出去结识各种各样的人，社交圈就会不断扩大，你会喜欢跟脾气相投的人打成一片，而这些人极有可能成为你的好朋友、好基友等等。

This is why it’s important to meet more people。

所以多结交朋友很重要。

2. Talk about the Things That Matter To You

讲讲自己在乎的事情

A relationship becomes the strongest when two people discover they believe in the same things and have similar interests. It’s these commonalities regarding values and interests that create the strongest emotional connection。

当两个人发现彼此的信仰和兴趣都很相像时，俩人的关系必然会加深。确实，价值观和兴趣爱好都能搭建起牢固的情感纽带。

I’ve noticed that many people keep conversations shallow. They talk about trivial stuff such as the weather, what’s on TV, the lives of various movie stars, but they rarely talk about what really matters to them in life。

我发现很多人的交谈都比较泛泛。人们一般只会谈些天气、电视节目、电影明星八卦等琐碎话题，很少触及各自生活中他们最在乎的部分。

This is a mistake from my perspective, because it’s the perfect method for a relationship to not develop。

我觉得这样大错特错，是扼杀一段人际关系的杀手锏。

Talk about the things that truly matter to you and give others a chance to know what you care about and what you believe in. If they believe in the same things and they care about the same things, they’ll eagerly let you know. Thus you’ll find meaningful common ground and you’ll feel more connected。

应该谈些自己在乎的话题，让别人知道你关心什么、相信什么。如果碰巧他们相信和在乎的事情刚好跟你的一样，他们肯定会迫不及待地跟你分享。这样你便能找到有趣的共同话题，你们的关系也会更加亲密了。

3. Express Vulnerability

展现脆弱的一面

Many people try to come off as perfect. They don’t talk about their failures, they hide their shortcomings and they never say anything that could embarrass them。

许多人总想表现得完美无缺。他们不愿谈起失败经历，对自己的缺点遮遮掩掩，也从不说些会使自己尴尬的事情。

This is all just a facade³ though. You may appear perfect to some, but you know you’re not perfect and they know that too. You’re only human and humans have flaws。

可这一切都只是表象而已。或许你在某些人面前表现得很完美，但你很清楚自己并不完美，何况他们也看得出来。你是个人，人无完人，都会有缺点。

However, by hiding your flaws, what you do succeed in is appearing cold and impersonal⁴. You seem like a marble statue rather than a real person. And this makes it very hard for anyone to connect with you emotionally。

而且，藏起缺点只会让你看上去漠然无情。你更像一尊大理石雕像，而不是活生生的人。而这样更难让别人从情感上接近你了。

Humans connect with other humans, not with ideals. Keep this in mind and don’t be afraid to let your vulnerability and your humanity show. This is what takes a relationship to the next level。

人是在跟人打交道，而不是在跟理想打交道。请记住这一点，别怕在人面前显露你的脆弱和感性，只有这样才能使人际关系更进一步。

4. Have Integrity

坦诚相待

Integrity, as I see it, is the alignment⁵ between your thoughts, your words and your actions. When you say what you think and you do what you said you’ll do, you have integrity。

我觉得坦诚体现在人的思维、言谈及举止当中。如果你能说你所想、做你所说，你便是个坦诚的人。

This is a crucial trait because if you have integrity, people can trust you. They can trust you to give them an honest feedback, even when it’s hard to shallow, and they can trust you to keep your promises。

坦诚的性格非常重要，因为这样人们才会信任你。人们相信你的评价会比较中肯，即便有时会忠言逆耳，人们也会相信你能遵守承诺。

This trust is one of the central pillars of a strong relationship, both in your personal and your professional life. So, as challenging as it can be sometimes, always try to have integrity。

这种信任是可靠人际关系的中流砥柱，对你的生活与工作都很重要。所以，尽管有时候要做到坦诚并不容易，但还是试试吧。

Be honest with the people around you, even when this will initially⁶ hurt them. It’s more important for them to trust you than to not feel hurt. And always do what you promised. Even better, think twice before you promise anything, and only promise what you really can and you are willing to do。

与周围的人坦诚相待，哪怕刚开始这么做会伤害到他们。比起伤感情来，赢得他们的信任更为重要。而且，一定要践行诺言。许下承诺前最好先想清楚，觉得是自己力所能及又非常乐意的事情时再作保证。

5. Be There For Others

随时伸出援手

Another central pillar of strong relationships is support. Connections between people grow sturdy if they can rely on each other for support when it’s needed, whether that support means a few kind words or several massive actions。

可靠人际关系的另一个顶梁柱就是支持。如果能在需要时伸出援手，不管是几句安慰的话还是大刀阔斧的实际行动，人与人之间的纽带都能变得更加牢固。

Of course, you can’t be there for everybody, all the time. Your time, energy and other resources are limited. But what you can do is identify the genuinely important people in your life and then seek to be there as much as possible, at least for them。

当然，你不可能随时都能帮上每个人的忙。毕竟人的时间、精力和其他资源都是有限的。但是你可以区别出你生活中真正重要的人，然后尽可能在他们需要时提供帮助。

Your support will help them practically, and it will comfort them emotionally; which makes one hell of a difference in a relationship。

你对能在实际上给他们帮助，给他们带来情感上的抚慰，而这能给你俩的关系带来质的飞跃。

With the right mindset and the right behavior, you can strengthen a wide range of relationships in your life and advance them as far as they can be advanced。

只要心态正确、举止得体，你可以管理好生活中的各类人际关系，并尽可能地改善它们。

And with strong relationships, not only that you feel more fulfilled, but you feel more connected to the entire world. You feel that your life has real value, you have more fun and you live in the moment. An entire world of opportunities opens up in front of you。

人际关系可靠了，你不仅更有成就感，还会感到自己与整个世界四通八达，觉得生活很有意义；你会很开心，会珍惜当下。全世界的机会都向你敞开大门。

Then your task is to simply walk through the open doors。

然后，你只需抓住那些机会就行。