“No man is an island。”

“没有人是一座孤岛。”

Indeed, people are relationship-driven creatures. We are present in this world in order to relate to others and establish a solid community. It goes without saying that we need to communicate with each other in order to fulfill¹ this purpose, though。

的确，人类是人际关系型的生物。我们存在于这个世界，就是为了和他人交往，并建立起一个可靠的群体。而毫无疑问，我们需要彼此交流才能实现这个目标。

It is our responsibility to engage our colleagues in a nourishing and productive conversation. Through good communication, romantic relationships, business partnerships² and even product selling have all been implemented³. Good communication skills are the foundation of a long-lasting relationship. How can you develop them? You can start by omitting these ten most common mistakes in a conversation from your communication bank:

我们有责任把我们的同伴吸引到一场内容丰富且富有成效的对话中来。通过好的交流，我们可以确立恋爱关系，建立商务合作，甚至可以推销产品。好的交流技巧是一段长期持久的关系的基础。那你应该如何培养这种技巧呢？我们可以首先把这10个聊天中常犯的错误清除掉。

1. Do you speak quickly?

你的语速是否过快？

You’re in a brand new situation with a person you’ve just met, so it’s understandable that you became nervous. Since you didn’t have enough time to compose yourself, you blabbered and spoke⁴ too much and too fast. Because of this, the person you’re talking to wasn’t able to understand any word you’ve said。

你面对的是一个刚刚认识的人，这是一种全新的场面，所以你感觉紧张也是可以理解的。因为你没有足够的时间来组织语言，你开始喋喋不休，说话太多而且太快。这样，跟你交谈的人就没有办法理解你所说的任何一个字。

Solution: Nervousness brings about the common mistakes in a conversation, so to combat this, just breathe deeply and smile. Assume that the person you’re talking to is interested in what you have to say. Put some pauses in your statements。

解决办法：紧张会让我们在聊天中常常犯错，为了克服这一点，请深呼吸，并且微笑。假设和你聊天的这个人对你所说的内容很感兴趣。在讲话当中加入一些停顿。

2. Do you ask too many questions?

你的问题是否太多？

The conversation sounds like a police interrogation with you asking too many questions and your partner scrambles⁵ to answer all of them. As a result, connection is made and no relationship is built。

如果你问的问题太多，而和你聊天的人仓促作答，这种聊天听上去就好像警察在审问。结果是你们虽然在聊天，但没有建立起任何关系。

Solution: Follow this structure:

解决办法：按照这个结构来：

a. Ask a general question。

问一个一般性的问题。

b. Consider his answer。

考虑他的回答。

c. Give feedback about his answer and then answer the question you’ve asked。

针对他的回答做出回应，然后回答你提出的这个问题。

d. Wait for him to respond. If he replies with a question, good. If he replies with a statement, repeat what he said and wait for him to elaborate。

等待他的回应。如果他用一个问题作为回应，很好。如果他用一段陈述作为回应，重复他所说的，然后等待他详细解释。

3. Are your statements scripted?

你讲话是不是像念稿子？

You’re going to make a sale, so you memorized your company’s sales script, even though your conversation partner isn’t really reacting based on what you’ve memorized. Confusion arises。

你要去推销某样东西，所以你背下了公司的销售文稿，尽管听你讲话的人对你所说的并没有做出真正的回应。你会感到很困惑。

Solution: Focus on building trust first. You can never seal a deal if your prospect⁶ doesn’t really trust you。

解决办法：首先专注于建立信任。如果你的客户不能真正信任你，你不可能卖出任何东西。

4. Do you hog⁷ the spotlight⁸?

你是否霸占了聊天的焦点？

You walk way too much: about yourself, your job, your dreams and frustrations⁹. Pretty soon, the person you’re talking too feels like he just attended a whole-day seminar about you。

你讲了太多东西，关于你自己、你的工作、你的梦想和困惑。很快，和你聊天的人就会感觉他好像只是来出席了一场关于你的全天候讲座。

Solution: Ask for your partner’s opinion。

解决办法： 询问伙伴的意见。

- “My favorite topic is about personal finance. How about you?”

比如“我最爱的话题是关于个人财务。你呢？”

5. Is your objective missing?

你是否失去了谈话的目标？

You discuss bland¹⁰ topics and end the conversation with no real outcome. Were you supposed to build trust? Preempt¹¹ a sale? Invite a prospect? No-one knows!

你讨论的话题寡淡无趣，最后聊天结束了也没有真正的结果。你是否本来计划着建立信任？搞定一单买卖？邀请一位朋友？结果没有人知道。

Solution: Adult communication isn’t superficial—it exists to fulfill a purpose. What type of purpose? Define this first before entering a conversation。

解决办法：成年人的交流并不是肤浅的，而是为了实现一项目标。什么类型的目标呢？在开始聊天之前就要确定这一点。

6. Do you have to be right all the time?

你是否任何时候都必须是正确的？

Every conversation seems like a battlefield to you. You have to make everyone agree with what you have to say, so you never back down. You’re always right, right?

每一场聊天对你来说都如同战场。你要让每个人都同意你所说的，所以你从来不会让步。你总是对的，是吗？

Solution: Accept the fact that everyone is entitled to his own opinions. You don’t need to force them into agreeing with you—they’ll just choose to walk away from you instead. Arrogance¹² causes some of these common mistakes in a conversation to happen. Stay humble¹³。

解决办法：每个人都有权有自己的观点，要接受这个事实。你没有必要强迫他人同意你，否则他们会选择远离你。自大会让你在聊天中犯这种常见的错误，要谦虚。

7. Do you talk about awkward topics with a person you barely know?

你是否和一个你不怎么了解的人谈论尴尬的话题？

“Hey, I just met you, but listen to me talk about my past relationships, my nagging¹⁴ digestive problems and my balding hair。”

“嗨，我们刚认识，不过听我来聊聊我之前的恋情，我讨厌的消化问题还有我的秃头吧。”

Solution: Stay away from topics involving religion, sex, politics and negativity, especially when you’ve just become acquainted with someone. Focus on safe topics such as hobbies, common interests and the topic of the conference you’re in。

解决办法：远离那些涉及到宗教、性、政治和消极性的话题，尤其是你刚刚认识某人的时候。专注于那些安全的话题，比如爱好、共同兴趣，以及你参加过的会议议题。

8. Are you really listening?

你是否真的在倾听？

You’re really just waiting for the other person to stop talking so that you can get your turn. Ha, you’re going to wow them with your speaking skills—who cares what they say?

你其实只是在等待对方结束讲话，这样就轮到你讲了。是呀，你会用你的讲话技巧让他们大为赞赏，谁在乎他们在说什么呢？

Solution: Put your pride on hold and really hear what your talking partner is telling you. Learn to read between the lines. Observe his body language. Avoid asking “yes or no” questions and probe deeper instead. You’re there to listen, not to merely hear。

解决办法：收起你的骄傲，真正去倾听对方对你说的话。学会解读，观察他的肢体语言，避免问用是或否来回答的问题，而是更深的探索。你是来倾听的，而不只是听见。

9. Are you rude to the person you’re talking to?

你是否对待和你聊天的人很粗鲁？

You think you’re better than your talking partner so you don’t think about respecting their opinions. Sure, you use polite language and you mind your manners, but your words offend and your attitude challenges them。

你认为你比和你聊天的人要更棒，所以你不去尊重他们的观点。当然，你用语礼貌，举止文明，但你的话语冒犯了他们，你的态度是在挑衅。

Solution: How you communicate is better than what you communicate. Before you aim to communicate, aim to respect first。

解决办法：你沟通的方式比你沟通的内容更重要。你在想要沟通之前，要先学会尊重。

10. Is your body language driving them away?

你的肢体语言是否把他人赶跑了？

You would like to start communicating with people but no one seems to want to talk to you. Why? Your arms are crossed, you’re slouching and your eyebrows¹⁵ are furrowed—that’s why。

你想要和他人开始聊天，但好像没有人愿意和你聊。为什么？你抱着双臂，无精打采，眉头紧皱——这就是原因。

Solution: Relax.Communication is all about openness and community. Look at people in the eye. Smile more. Stand up straight. You got this。

解决办法：放松。交流是关于坦率和群体的活动。眼睛看着对方，多一些微笑，站直。你就做到了。