Mostly, I remember this: His brass¹ knuckles² flashing in the afternoon light; how cold they felt with the first few blows and how quickly they warmed with my blood. Getting thrown against the wall, a nail where a framed picture may have hung once jabbing at my back. Sohrab screaming. Tabla, harmonium, a dil-roba. Getting hurled³ against the wall. The knuckles shattering my jaw⁴. Choking on my own teeth, swallowing them, thinking about all the countless⁵ hours I’d spent flossing and brushing. Getting hurled against the wall. Lying on the floor, blood from my split upper lip staining the mauve carpet, pain ripping through my belly, and wondering when I’d be able to breathe again. The sound of my ribs⁷ snapping like the tree branches Hassan and I used to break to swordfight like Sinbad in those old movies. Sohrab screaming. The side of my face slamming against the corner of the television stand. That snapping sound again, this time just under my left eye. Music. Sohrab screaming. Fingers grasping my hair, pulling my head back, the twinkle of stainless⁸ steel. Here they ?ome. That snapping sound yet again, now my nose. Biting down in pain, noticing how my teeth didn’t align⁹ like they used to. Getting kicked. Sohrab screaming.I don’t know at what point I started laughing, but I did. It hurt to laugh, hurt my jaws¹⁰, my ribs, my throat. But I was laughing and laughing. And the harder I laughed, the harder he kicked me, punched me, scratched me.

我记得的大体是这样的：他的拳套在午后的阳光中闪亮，他第一次击中我时，我浑身发冷，但很快，我的鲜血就温暖了他的拳套。我被甩到墙壁，一颗本来可能挂着画的钉子刺进我的后背。我听到索拉博的尖叫，还有手鼓、手风琴、雷布巴琴演奏的乐声。身子撞到墙壁上，拳套击打我的下巴。被自己的牙齿噎住，将它们吞下去，我想起自己曾花了无数时间刷牙、清牙缝。被摔倒墙上。倒在地板上，血从破裂的上唇流出来，滴污了淡紫色的地毯，腹部阵阵剧痛起伏，想着我什么时候才能再次呼吸。我的肋骨断裂，声音跟折断树枝一样，从前哈桑和我经常拿折断的树枝当剑，像旧电影里面的辛巴德那样决斗。听到索拉博的尖叫。我的侧脸撞上电视柜的一角。又是一声断裂，这次正中我左眼下面。我听到音乐声，索拉博的尖叫声。手指抓着我的头发，拖着我向后，不锈钢闪闪发亮，它们挥击过来，断裂声再次响起，这次是我的鼻子。咬牙忍痛，发现我的牙齿已经不像过去那样齐整了。被踢中。索拉博不断尖叫。我不知道自己何时开始发笑，但我笑了。笑起来很痛，下巴、肋骨、喉咙统统剧痛难忍。但我不停笑着。我笑得越痛快，他就越起劲地踢我、打我、抓我。

“WHAT’S SO FUNNY?” Assef kept roaring with each blow. His spittle landed in my eye. Sohrab screamed. “什么事这样好笑？”阿塞夫不断咆哮，一拳拳击出。他的口水溅上我的眼睛。索拉博尖叫。

“WHAT’S SO FUNNY?” Assef bellowed¹¹. Another rib⁶ snapped, this time left lower. What was so funny was that, for the first time since the winter of 1975, I felt at peace. I laughed because I saw that, in some hidden nook in a corner of my mind, I’d even been looking forward to this. I remembered the day on the hill I had pelted¹² Hassan with pomegranates and tried to provoke him. He’d just stood there, doing nothing, red juice soaking through his shirt like blood. Then he’d taken the pomegranate from my hand, crushed it against his forehead. Are you satisfied now? he’d hissed¹³. Do you feel better? I hadn’t been happy and I hadn’t felt better, not at all. But I did now. My body was broken--just how badly I wouldn’t find out until later--but I felt healed. Healed at last. I laughed.

“什么事这样好笑？”阿塞夫怒不可遏。又一根肋骨断裂，这次在左边胸下。好笑的是，自1975年冬天以来，我第一次感到心安理得。我大笑，因为我知道，在我大脑深处某个隐蔽的角落，我甚至一直在期待这样的事情。我记得那天，在山上，我用石榴扔哈桑，试图激怒他。他只是站在那儿，一动不动，红色的果汁染在他衬衣上，跟鲜血一样。然后他从我手里拿过一个石榴，在自己额头上磨碎。现在你满意了吗？他凄然说，你觉得好受一些了吗？我从不曾觉得高兴，从不曾觉得好受一些，根本就没有过。但我现在感觉到了。我体无完肤——我当时并不清楚有多糟糕，后来才知道——但心病已愈。终于痊愈了，我大笑。

Then the end. That, I’ll take to my grave:I was on the ground laughing, Assef straddling my chest, his face a mask of lunacy, framed by snarls¹⁴ of his hair swaying inches from my face. His free hand was locked around my throat. The other, the one with the brass knuckles, cocked above his shoulder. He raised his fist higher, raised it for another blow.

接着是结局，我就算埋在坟里也会记得。我躺在地上哈哈大笑，阿塞夫坐在我胸膛，一张发疯似的脸被缕缕晃动的头发围绕着，离我的脸只有几英寸。他一只手掐着我的喉咙，另外一只戴着拳套，作势悬在肩上，他举起拳头，准备再次击落。

Then:“Bas.”A thin voice.

接着，“别打了。”一个微弱的声音响起。