Not everyone is suited for a life of crime. Some of us avoid it because we realize that it would be wrong to engage in illegal activities. Others prefer not to risk the consequences of getting caught. And then there is another special group—people who attempt a life of crime but really shouldn’t because they are just plain bad at it.

并非所有人都适合走上犯罪的道路。有些人没有误入歧途是因为他们意识到涉及违法活动是不对的；还有些人是为了避免冒险以免陷入牢狱之灾。另外还有特殊的一群人——他们试图走上犯罪生涯，然而没有成功，因为他们从事犯罪活动的技术实在不够好。

5.Deaf Robber Can’t Hear Alarm

失聪盗贼听不到警报

In August 1995, Klaus Schmidt tried to rob a bank in Berlin by walking in with a pistol and demanding money. At one point, one of the bank employees asked the robber if he needed a bag, and he replied, “You’re damn right it’s a real gun!” This made them realize that Schmidt was deaf. Taking advantage, one employee set off the alarm. Schmidt remained oblivious¹.

1995年8月，Klaus Schmidt携带手枪走进柏林一家银行企图抢劫。其间一名银行职员问劫匪是否需要一个袋子，后者回答道，“你说对了，这是把真枪！”职员们由此意识到Schmidt是个聋子。一名职员趁机按响了警报，Schmidt却毫不知情。

4.Free Beer Catches 19 Criminals

免费啤酒诱捕19名罪犯

In 2011, Derbyshire police used a strategy by offering wanted criminals free beer. The men received notices through undercover officers informing them that they’d won a crate² of beer each. To collect, they needed to contact the company that ran the promotion³. Nineteen fugitives⁴ called the assigned number, setting up a time and place to collect their winnings. Tragically⁵, there was no free beer when they turned up—just police officers ready to take them into custody⁶.

2011年，英国德比郡警方使用了一招捉贼妙计，他们放出消息，要向那些受到通缉的嫌疑犯提供免费啤酒。这些人从卧底警察那里获得消息，告知他们每人都获得了一整箱啤酒。为了领取奖品，他们必须和举行活动的厂家联系。19名嫌疑犯拨打了指定电话，和对方约好了领取奖品的时间和地点。可悲的是，当他们现身时发现，那里没有免费的啤酒，只有准备好收押他们的警察。

3. Robber Gives Cashier His Phone Number

劫匪把自己的电话号码给了收银员

In 2008, 18-year-old Ruben Zarate wanted to rob a muffler shop in Chicago. But there was a problem—most of the money was in the safe, only the manager could open it, and the manager wasn’t in. Ruben decided⁷ that he would try again later. To save himself some time, he left his cell phone number with the store employees. That way, they could call him when the manager returned.

2008年，18岁的Ruben Zarate试图抢劫一家芝加哥的消音器商店。然而他遇到了一个问题——大部分的现金都在保险柜里，只有经理可以打开保险柜，然而当时经理不在店里。Ruben决定他稍后再来抢劫一次。为了给自己节省一点时间，他把自己的手机号码留给了店里的职员。这样，当经理回来后，他们就可以电话通知他了。

2. Robber Leaves Birth Certificate And Note From Mom

劫匪留下了出生证明和妈妈的便条

Zarate broke a basic rule for any crook⁸: Leave nothing behind that can identify you. The man stole a wallet containing $40 in cash and the victim’s ID. However, during the struggle, he dropped two bags of his own. On the very top of one of them was his birth certificate. As if that weren’t enough, the bag also contained a letter from the robber’s mother addressed to him.

Zarate违反了盗贼手则中最基本的一条：那就是，别留下任何能指明你身份的东西。这个人偷了一个钱包，里面有40美元的现金，还有被害人的身份证。不过，在和被害人挣扎之际，他遗落了两个属于自己的包。包里一眼就能看到他的身份证明。更有甚者，包里还有他的母亲写给他的一封信。

1.The Worst Disguise Ever

最糟糕的伪装

The disguise chosen by Dennis Hawkins, a 48-year-old Pittsburgh man who decided to rob a bank consisted of a woman’s blonde wig⁹, a pair of fake breasts, and clown pants. The first problem was that the get-up revealed his face, which was captured on CCTV surveillance. You might guess that Mr. Hawkins wanted to fool people into thinking he was a woman. In that case, he should have considered getting rid of his mustache and goatee.

一位名叫Dennis Hawkins的48岁男性企图抢劫一家匹兹堡银行，他的伪装包括女士的金色假发，一对假乳，还有小丑裤。不过他的伪装存在两个问题，第一是他的伪装不包括面部，以至于监视摄像头拍摄下了他的脸。第二个问题是，人们可能猜得到他想要让人们误以为自己是一名女子，然而他却忘了刮干净自己的络腮胡和山羊须。