Is it worse to be called lazy or smelly?

被抱怨懒或是臭，哪一样更糟？

In personal interactions in Japan, it’s common for people to avoid confrontations¹ rather than charge into them. On top of that, mainstream² attitudes generally work out so that women are, on average, more accommodating and deferential³ than men.

在日本的人际交往中，人们通常会避免与他人发生冲突，以免让自己陷入麻烦。加之，主流观念的影响十分深远，一般来说，相比于男性，女性整体更加随和、顺从。

That doesn’t mean that married life in Japan is all “I have prepared your supper, Honored Husband,” and “Shall I draw you a bath?” though. When their displeasure passes a certain threshold, Japanese women are as capable of spitting angry fire at their spouses⁴ as anyone else.

但这并不意味着日本人的婚后生活中每天都会上演“亲爱的老公，晚饭已经准备好了”、“需要我为你搓澡吗？”之类的桥段。当日本女性的不满情绪超过自己的底线时，她们和别人一样都会向自己的配偶发泄心中的愤怒。

But which particular brands of vitriol burn the worst? To find out, Internet portal R25 polled 200 Japanese men between the ages of 20 and 39, presenting them with a list of 23 commonly voiced complaints from frustrated⁵ wives, and asked them to pick the ones that would hurt the most to hear. Each respondent’s top selection received three points, with two points going to his second pick and one to his third.

那么，究竟哪句刻薄话最伤人呢？为了找到答案，一家互联网门户网站R25在200名20至39岁的日本男性中展开了民意调查。该网站列出了一份清单，上面写着情绪沮丧的妻子通常会说的23句抱怨话，然后发给每位受访者，让他们各自选出最为伤人的几句话。每个人的第一选择得三分、第二得两分、第三选择得一分。

Let’s take a look at the top 10:

让我们来看看排行前十位：

10 “Stop wasting so much money on things you don’t need!”(26 points)

第十名. “不要把这么多钱浪费在你不需要的东西上！”（26分）

In many Japanese households, the husband turns his paycheck over to his wife, who manages the family finances. She in turn gives him an allowance to spend, but as with any limit, there’s sometimes going to be pressure to stay well under it.

在大多数日本家庭中，丈夫会把自己的薪水交给妻子，所以妻子掌握着家里的财政大权。反过来，她也会给丈夫零用钱，但是零用钱也有上限，有时候妻子就会向丈夫施加压力，让他省着点花。

9. “Stop being such a lazy fatso!”(28 points)

第九名. “不要再做懒胖子啦！”（28分）

It’s not unusual for people to put on a few pounds as they get older, and all the beers at those company drinking sessions aren’t exactly low-calorie beverages⁶. Still, such a harsh indictment⁷ of weight-gain is going overboard in the eyes of some respondents, including one who called it “cold-hearted.”

随着年龄的增加，加上公司酒水间提供的啤酒都不是真正的低卡饮料，体重增加是再平常不过的事情了。对于妻子关于“长胖”的刻薄控诉，一些受访者认为是难以接受的，甚至有人说这话讲得有些“无情”。

8. “I don’t want to share a grave with you!”(33 points)

第八名. “我才不要跟你埋在一起！”（33分）

Rather than having individual final resting places, Japanese families share a monument where their ashes are entombed. The family distinction is done by marriage, not birth, and since the traditional attitude is that the wife marries into the husband’s family, her remains⁸ will be placed in the same grave as his when the time comes, to be together for all eternity⁹. Finding out your wife isn’t interested in being along for that ride would, therefore, be a pretty big shock.

比起用一个单独的安息地，日本家庭更倾向于共用一个掩埋骨灰的墓地。日本家庭是依据婚后家庭，而不是出生家庭来定义的。而且，按照日本传统观念，女方嫁入男方家庭后，她在去世之后骨灰将和丈夫的骨灰放入同一个坟墓中，这样夫妻二人就能永远在一起。因此，当你发现自己的妻子并不愿意和你死后共埋一方，这可是个相当大的打击。

7. “At least take care of the dishes after we eat dinner!”(39 points)

第七名. “吃完饭你至少洗一下碗吧！”（39分）

Assuming that your wife made said dinner, then yeah, it would be pretty embarrassing to have her call you out for limiting your involvement in the meal to strictly¹⁰ the “eating” part. Can’t say she doesn’t have a point, though.

试想一下，你的妻子做好了饭菜，然后她赤裸裸地揭露了你想吃完就走的心态，这还是挺尴尬的。尽管她提出的要求不无道理。

6. “Take care of the cooking once in a while!”(43 points)

第六名. “你好歹做一顿饭呀！”（43分）

“I wouldn’t be able to understand her thinking, since she knows I can’t cook,” offered one participant by way of excuse. Honestly though, dude, it’s not that hard to boil some pasta and open a jar of premade spaghetti sauce.

一位受访者回应了这么一个托辞：“她明明知道我不会做饭还这么说，我真不能理解她到底是怎么想的。”不过，说实话，伙计，煮一些意大利面，然后拌上一点现成的罐装意大利面酱，这不是很难吧？

5. “Show more appreciation¹¹ for the things I do!” (85 points)

第五名. “为我所做的事情你该表示一些感谢呀！”（85分）

At first this seems like a surprisingly high ranking for a situation that sounds like it should be more hurtful for the wife, but the men who selected this response predicated it on the fact that they do, in fact, feel a deep gratitude¹² towards their better halves. “It would hurt to know those feelings aren’t coming across,” explained one man.

这句话排名如此靠前，一开始令人感到吃惊，因为这句话听起来伤得更深的应该是妻子那一方。但选择这句话的男士回应称，实际上，他们确实对自己的妻子心存感激。一位男士解释道：“当知道妻子并不能感受到自己的感激之情时，让人很心碎。”

4. “If we didn’t have kids, I’d totally have divorced you by now!”(97 points)

第四名,“要不是我们有了孩子，我现在早就和你离婚了！”（97分）

“That would have me thinking we should split up,” said one respondent. Another was slightly less calm, asserting “There are some things you’re just not supposed to say!”

一名男性回应称：“这话真会让我产生离婚的念头”。另一位男性就没有这么淡定，宣称“有些话你就不该说出口！”

3. “I made a huge mistake marrying you!”(166 points)

第三名,“嫁给你我真是瞎了眼了！”（166分）

Yep, that would sting. “I don’t think I’d be able to say anything at all in response,” one participant imagined.

是的，这句话着实伤人。一名男士回应：“我都想不出我能回击一句什么话。”

2. “You stink¹³!”(201 points)

第二名. “你浑身臭烘烘的”（201分）

And no, this isn’t to say that the husband is poor at some task or skill set, but that he just plain smells bad. Thankfully, this complaint can usually be avoided by applying soap, shampoo, and deodorant¹⁴ before it becomes an issue. For those with a health issue-caused body odor, though, or who work in an industry or environment where they can’t avoid coming home with an unpleasant scent¹⁵ stuck to their hair and skin, this has to be tough to hear.

这不合理呀，这话并不是在抱怨你丈夫在某方面任务完成得不好或技能上很逊色，而仅仅只是他身上的气味难闻。谢天谢地，通常只要多用点香皂、洗发水、除臭剂，身上就不会发出难闻的气味了，妻子们也就不会抱怨了的。但是，如果丈夫是因为身体状态发出的体臭，或者，丈夫工作场所不可避免的难闻气味渗入了发肤，回家臭烘烘的，妻子说这话确实难听。

1. “Earn more money!”(230 points)

第一名 “多赚点钱” （230分）

Even though more Japanese women are working now than in previous generations, there’s still a societal expectation for a married man to be the breadwinner, and often once children enter the picture, the wife will quit her job to take care of them full-time¹⁶. As such, it’s not entirely¹⁷ unreasonable¹⁸ for Japanese wives to be concerned about the income their husband brings into the household. But since Japan is already a notoriously hard-working society, being told that you’re still not doing enough to get ahead can hit a guy right where it hurts.

尽管现在日本工作的女性相较于之前大有增加，但社会上仍然存在一种观念：已婚男性就应该赚钱养家，而且，一旦家里有了小孩，妻子就要辞去工作当全职太太，照顾小孩。正因如此，对日本家庭主妇来说，她们如此关心自己丈夫给家庭带来的收入并不是没有道理的。但由于日本社会本来就以工作拼命而著称，当被人说自己还不够努力地往上爬，男性会觉得有损男子汉尊严。

“It would damage my pride as a man,” one respondent succinctly¹⁹ explained, and we imagine that would go double if it were combined with complaint #10.

一位受访者简单地解释道：“这话有损我作为男人的尊严。”试想一下，如果同时说这句话和排名第十的话，杀伤力肯定翻倍。