You are both very happy and comfortable in the friend zone.

作为朋友，你们都非常快乐且舒适。

No, you are not in a relationship; no, you will never be in a relationship. No you have never even thought about being in a relationship, (apart from that low point when you thought you were going to die alone). You are both very aware you are in the friend zone and you like it there.

不，你们没有谈恋爱；你们绝不会谈恋爱。甚至从未想过你们会谈恋爱，（除开你认为你会孤独地死去时的最差状态）。你们都非常清楚你们是朋友并且你们喜欢做朋友。

I really value our friendship.

我真的重视我们的友谊。

Compliments come few and far between.

几乎不会有赞美；即使有，也非常稀少。

Unlike your female friends who are always ready to tell you how beautiful you look, male besties just don't give a shit. And if you were to get a compliment, it's normally a little weird¹.

不像你的女性朋友那般，总是愿意告诉你，你看起来多么漂亮；男闺蜜一点儿都不在乎。如果你的男闺蜜要赞美你，通常会有点诡异。

You're smart and you're pretty…like a dolphin.

你又聪明又漂亮……像只海豚。

You really don't have to mince² your words.

你真的不必闪烁其词。

Like, you really don't. You can speak your mind and know that he will never get too offended. You can say exactly what you mean, no matter how bad it sounds.

大概，你真的不会。你会坦率地说出你的想法，而且你知道他绝不会太生气。

You dream of setting him up with his perfect match.

你非常想给他介绍完美对象。

Because his happiness is your happiness, and you also want bragging³ rights.

因为他的幸福就是你的幸福，而且你也想耀武扬威一下。

It's a match!

真般配！

Your dinner checks are separate.

你们的晚餐分开付账。

You go for a meal, he pays for his food, you pay for yours. NO. BIG. DEAL.

你们一起去吃饭，他付他的，你付你的。没啥大不了的。

When you meet someone, your bestie will need to size them up.

当你遇到某些人的时候，你会需要男闺蜜帮你评估一下他们。

Because he can see through bullshit, and it's imperative⁴ they get along.

因为他能识破谎言，而且他们能和睦相处是必要的。

He brings you down to earth when you're daydreaming⁵.

在你做白日梦的时候，他会让你回到现实中。

While your girl bestie might help you pick out the names of your children after just one date, you male bestie won't encourage any of that shit. The Will to your Grace will quickly remind you that you can't fall in love and plan your future after one date.

只是约会过一次，你最好的女性朋友可能就会帮你挑选你们孩子的名字了，然而你的男闺蜜不会胡说八道地怂恿你。阁下的意志会很快地提醒你，不能在一次约会后就坠入爱河并开始计划你们的未来。

Sometimes he forgets you're a girl and doesn't maintain hygiene⁶ standards when you're around.

有时候他会忘记你是个女孩子，然后当你在他身边的时候，他并不保持卫生标准。

Seriously, farting is never funny and body odour is not cute.

说真的，放屁绝不会有趣，汗臭味也不会讨人喜欢。

You don't have to worry about not getting a text back.

你不必担心不会收到短信回复。

Because you don't fancy him, so it doesn't matter if he takes two hours to reply back. Plus you can continuously text him until he replies and it's not crazy.

因为你不会迷恋他，所以他两个小时之后回复你也无所谓。此外，你可以不断给他发短信直到他回复你，而这并不疯狂。

You know that you would be lost without him.

你知道没有他你会不知所措。

Because he is not just your best friend, he is your resident dating expert, your honest critic, and your bodyguard⁷.

因为对你而言，他不仅仅是最好的朋友，也是固有的约会专家、坦率的评论家以及保镖。

Pure unadulterated friendship.

纯粹的友谊。