The Perks¹ of Being an Only Child

I am writing to you to let you know that I FORBID you to ever have a child that isn't me. Under no circumstances will I allow you to reproduce ever again. Everything is currently all about me, and it better stay that way. I do not want to share my toys, my clothes, my bedroom, or the perks of being the only non-working person to benefit from your hard-earned income.

With warm regards and all my selfish love.

p.s. The only thing I would possibly consider accepting would be an identical twin.

独生子女的特权

我写这封信是想让你们知道我禁止你们再生一个小孩！我要成为你们唯一的孩子。无论如何，我都不会同意你们在生养第二个孩子。现在任何事都是以我为中心，而且这种现状最好不要改变。我不想分享我的玩具、衣服、房间，以及你们辛苦挣来的工资。作为家中唯一一个不用工作的人，我要独自享用这一切特权。

这封信致以诚挚的问候和我自私的爱。

又及：也许我是双胞胎的话，我还是勉强可以接受的！

Okay, but for realzies, I am an only child, and have loved every second of it. I get personally offended when people tell parents it’s “unfair” to only have one child or that being the only kid in a home necessarily means a boring childhood. Granted, I grew up in the most exciting city in the universe (New York), so I didn't an excuse to be "bored", but ultimately, being an only child has truly shaped who I am and I am grateful for it. Here's why...

看完了这封有趣的信，我有一些想法要说：我是独生子女，并且我享受着作为独生子女的每一分每一秒。如果有人和我爸妈说只有一个孩子或者作为在家的唯一的孩子意味着乏味的童年，我一定会觉得很恼火。我在全世界最嗨的城市纽约长大，我并不觉得会无聊。而且，因为是独生子女，我成为了现在的我，并且我对此心怀感激。原因如下……

Only Children Are Totally Cool with Being Alone

Having spent a good deal of time by myself in my room as a child, I am used to those moments when there’s no one around and there’s no cell-phone service, because…are we ever really alone anymore? I always found ways to entertain myself from reading to playing my Gameboy to thinking about how I would booby trap my apartment if it ever got burgled, Home Alone 2 style. I spent hours writing, drawing, day-dreaming about Robert Pattinson*—I generated hours of wholesome* entertainment, all inside my head. As a Grown, I’m not afraid to go to the bathroom without my girlfriends (I never understood the need for a chaperone) or even go out for lunch by myself, and I think I’m better for it.

独生子女不孤单

从小到大，大部分时间我都是一个人在房间里度过。我早就习惯了独身一人，甚至手机用不了也没关系。因为，像我这样的人从不孤独。我喜欢自己找乐子。不论是阅读还是玩游戏机，甚至是设想如果家里被盗该怎么办，就像小鬼当家2里那样。我花大部分的时间写作、画画，或是在脑海里幻想着罗伯特帕丁森，并找到无穷的快乐。我长大后，我也不会害怕一人去卫生间（我从来不懂为什么女性在上厕所需要同伴），更不害怕一个人外出就餐，而且我认为这样更好。

Only Children Have the Ability to Speak to Adults

Of course I did all the normal kid-things like go to school, play in the playground, and take gymnastics class, but most of my time growing up was spent around adults. This has helped me throughout my life.

独生子女易与成人沟通

当然，像普通的小孩一样，我也会上学，在操场嬉闹，上体育课，但是大部分的成长时光我都与成年人人相伴。我认为这使我终身受益。

Only Children Are Not Afraid to Ask for Things They Want

Look, I’m not gonna lie, I was definitely spoiled, and I’m very used to getting what I want.

It would never occur to me not to ask for a spot in someone’s comedy show, a raise at work, or my friend’s leftover² french fries. Because, what do I have to lose by asking?

独生子女不怕索取

看，我又准备撒谎了。我真是被宠坏了，我已经习惯想要什么就要得到什么。

去要一场戏剧的一个座位，涨工资，或者是我朋友吃剩的薯条是常有的事情。因为，去索取了对我来说又有什么损失？

Only Children Obviously Don't Have Any Sibling³ Rivalry⁴

I mean I’m sure the love between siblings⁵ is something I’ve missed out on and will never understand, but I’ve also seen some intense fights between my friends and their brothers and sisters, *geeze*… that’s some scary stuff, there.

独生子女没有手足之争

我想我确信兄弟姐妹之间的爱是我失去的，也是我永远无法理解的。但是，我曾经目睹朋友和他们的兄弟或是姐妹之间的争吵。天啊，真是吓人……