四步建立起一段可以维持恒温的友谊

Step 1: Gather the Wood

第一步：收集木材

The first step is widening the pool of potential friends. Is there an online “meet-up” you would like to attend? An upcoming opening of a new art gallery? A 5K for a charity about which you care? You must find a way to meet new people – friendships cannot happen in a vacuum!

那么第一步就是扩展潜在朋友的圈子。你愿意参加在线聚会吗?一个即将开放的艺术馆?一个你所关心的5公里远的慈善机构?你就必须要找到一个认识新人群的方式——在封闭的环境下是不可能建立起友谊的。

Step 2: Lay the Fire

第二步：准备生火

The next step is beginning a conversation with a potential friend. Make a comment about the event you are at or the setting you are in.

下一步就是开始与潜在的朋友展开交往。对你目前所经历的事或你目前所处的环境进行评价。

For instance, you might open with something like “Wow, the instructor¹ sure makes eagle pose look easy!” or “I’ve only run in one 5K before – how many have you completed?” or "This book was a tedius read at first, but I really got into the story midway through."

例如，你可以这样开始一段谈话：”哇，这个教练做二式栖息鹰的动作看起来好轻松哦!“或者"我之前只跑过一个5公里，你完成了多少呀?“或者”我起初看这本书时，觉得好乏味啊，但是读到一半时，我就深深被它所吸引了。“

Step 3: Strike the Match

第三步：点燃火柴

If the potential friend responds warmly and you believe you are both enjoying the small talk, you may want to take another step. Find a way to determine if this person shares your interest in the type of event you are at and then assess whether you feel that you would like to begin building a friendship.

如果这个潜在的朋友对你进行了热情的回应，那么你就能相信你们都在享受这个简短的交谈，这时你就可以进行下一步了。想办法搞清楚这个人对你正在经历的这个事情是否与你一样感兴趣，然后搞清楚你自己是否想要开始建立起一段友谊。

For instance, you might say, “Wow, this has been fun! Are there any other cool art exhibits around town now?” or “I am so glad that I was able to fit this "craft fest/salsa night/event name" into my schedule this week! Do you often attend these, too?”

例如，你可以说：”哇，这个真棒!目前城里还有别的什么精彩的艺术展览吗?“或者”我很高兴这周我有时间去参加工艺节/萨尔萨舞会等(事件名称)，你也经常参加这些活动吗?“

Step 4: Keep the Friendship Flame Burning

第四步：将友谊之火燃起

If you and the potential friend feel a mutual² willingness to take the relationship a little deeper, tentatively mention a potential second meeting.

如果你和你潜在的朋友彼此都有意愿将这个关系进行地更深一些，那么就可以试探性地开启一个别的见面的契机。

Say something like, “So many cool ideas were shared at this writer’s club, do you want to go get coffee and continue our conversation?”

你可以这样说：”这个作家俱乐部分享了这么多的精彩的观点，你想出去喝杯咖啡继续谈谈吗?“

If you get rejected, you can cover with something like, “Yeah, you’re right – I didn’t realize how late it was! Maybe we can touch bases again next month? Or we could meet up before that meeting?”

如果你被拒绝了，你可以这样说：”嗯，你是对的——我没意识到时间已经这么晚了!我们下个月再联系?或者我们可以在下次聚会之前见一面?“

You are showing your interest in continuing the conversation and establishing a friendship, but not pressuring the potential friend.

这样说既表达了你想要继续这段关系并且将其发展为朋友关系的意愿，同时也没有给这位潜在的朋友施加什么压力。

无论你和你的新朋友属于一见面就很投缘或者属于经历了一段时间才建立起一段关系，好朋友的价值永远不会缩水的。你要敢于承担风险，接受这样一个事实，即：虽然被拒绝是令人难过的，但难过也只是暂时的。始终保持你前进的势头并且要记住：不是每个人都会成为你的朋友，但真正的好朋友是值得你冒险的。