Turn Enemies into Friends with One Little Acknowledgment

只要认识到一点就能化敌为友

Hope as you may, you’re just not going to love every person you meet. In fact, you may outright¹ hate a few—but you don’t have to. A study coming out of the University of Groningen indicates that a little shift in the way you approach disliked people could alleviate² a lot of those negative feelings.

虽然你会希望能爱上所见到的每一个人，但事实却并非如此。事实上，你可能会十分讨厌一些人----但其实你不必讨厌这些人。格罗宁根大学的一项研究表明只要你在接触你不喜欢的人时，稍微改变一下方式，就可以减轻很多的负面情感。

Dr. Susan Krauss Whitbourne, writing for Psychology³ Today, examined a study conducted by psychologist Melvyn Hamstra (and his colleagues) that looked at how our biases⁴ and opinions color the way we judge others. They found that when you meet someone you have a lot in common with, you tend to make more of an effort to like them. The opposite goes for the someone you don’t have much in common with: you’ll make an effort to avoid them.

为《今日心理》写作的苏珊.克劳斯.惠特伯恩博士检测了一项研究，该研究是由心理学家梅尔文.汉姆斯塔（及其同事）开展的，研究我们的偏见和观点是如何歪曲我们对别人判断的。他们发现，当你与有很多共同点的人见面时，你会试图尽力去更喜欢这个人。但如果你与没有什么共同点的人见面，情况就恰恰相反：你会尽力去避免他。

So what can you do to fix that? Whitbourne explains：

那么你应该怎样做来处理这个事呢？惠特伯恩解释道：

The Hamstra et al. study suggests that you first tune into the dimension of your personality that represents a lack of fit with the target of your disdain⁵. The individual may not be a bad person, but just someone whose personality doesn’t fit your own. You’re a pessimist⁶ and this person is an eternal optimist⁷. Or you’re outgoing and relaxed, and this person seems uptight⁸ and reserved. The Hamstra findings also suggest that the more of a mismatch there is, the more strongly your venom⁹ will flow toward this person. Recognizing the subjective¹⁰ nature of your reaction to the person you don’t “like” can become the first step toward seeking a common ground. Talking through your differences, perhaps in the presence of a third party, could help both of you figure out how to not only agree to differ, but to form the yin to each other’s yang. You may not end up as best friends, but you can at least learn to respect, and ultimately work, in the face of your differences.

汉姆斯塔和他同事的研究表明：首先你要调谐你的个性维度，你的个性维度与你不喜欢的目标不合拍。你不喜欢的这个人也许不是坏人，但是他的个性与你的个性不搭。例如你是一个悲观主义者，而这个人永远都是乐观主义者。或者你十分外向，放松，而这个人看起来很紧张，含蓄。汉姆斯塔的研究同样表明你和这个人越不搭，你就越不喜欢这个人。当你意识到你对这个不喜欢的人的反应属于主观本质时，就迈出了寻找共同点的第一步。也许在第三方在场的情况下，谈论你们的不同点，不仅可以使双方知道如何去认同大家的不同点，而且还能将彼此的阴阳相结合。你们也许最终并不会成为最好的朋友，但至少你们会相互尊重，最终能在知道彼此存在不同的情况下，互相合作。

All it takes is a little acknowledgment. If you can talk about your differences you can avoid hating them.

所有这一切只要你认知到这一点：如果你们能够谈论彼此间的不同，那么你们就能避免互相讨厌。