When someone close to you has something terrible or sad happen to them, it's tough to know exactly what to do or say.

当你亲近的人遇到一些可怕或悲伤的事，你是否很惆怅不知道该做或说什么。

The keys are to be specific, don't dismiss or gloss¹ over what's happening, and always keep an open ear. Here's what we mean.

关键是要提供具体建议，不要忽视或掩盖发生的事情，并始终保持聆听。可如何做到这几点呢？

Marie Forleo lays out specific tips for when someone close to you gets serious health news, has a loved one die, or suffers another loss. Throughout all these sad scenarios², there are a few common do's and don'ts.

当亲近的人得知自己有严重的健康问题，或他心爱的人去世，或遭受了一项损失，玛丽·福莱奥给出了上述这些问题的具体提示。在所有这些悲伤的情况下，有常见的几点是该做和不该做的。

1.Do offer specific help.

1.请提供具体的帮助。

While telling someone to "let them know if there's anything you can do" is generous, helping³ them and offering help in specific ways makes them more likely to take you up on your offer.

虽然告诉某人"让他们知道你能做什么"很慷慨，但帮助他们，并以具体的方式提供帮助，会令他们更有可能接受你的帮助。

2.Don't dismiss or gloss over their experience.

2.不要否认或掩饰他们的经历。

Platitudes⁴ like "He's in a better place now" or "There's a reason for everything" are easy to fall back on, but they've all been heard before, and even worse, they can be pretty insulting if you think about how you'd like to hear them if you were suffering.

讲一些诸如"他现在在一个更好的地方"或"万事皆有原因"这样的话并没有什么用，这些话已经听过了，更糟的是，这些话可能会很侮辱人，想象一下如果你是遭遇不幸的那位，你听了会作何感想。

Instead, focus on letting them know how you feel, and that you're there with them. Try "I'm always just a phone call away" or "I wish I had the right words, but please know I care."

相反，重点是让他们明白你的感觉，知道你就在身边。尝试着这样说："随时给我打个电话"或"我希望我没说错话，但请知道我很在乎你"。

And of course, if you haven't had the same experience as them, don't tell them you know how they feel because you don't.

当然，如果你没有与他们相同的经验，不要告诉他们你明白他们的感觉，因为你根本不了解。

Of course, these won't work in every situation, but if you get nothing else from it, take these two pointers to hear the next time someone close to you is struggling or suffering and you'd like to help.

当然，这不会适合每一种情况。但如果你没有别的办法，下次你亲近的人遇到困难或不幸，你就可以试试这两个建议来帮助他们。