Too many people succumb¹ to the mistaken belief that being likeable comes from natural, unteachable traits that belong only to a lucky few—the good looking, the fiercely social, and the incredibly talented. It’s easy to fall prey² to this misconception. In reality, being likeable is under your control, and it’s a matter of emotional intelligence (EQ).

太多人都误以为可爱是与生俱来的特质，只属于少数那些长相貌美、善于交际和才华横溢的幸运儿。人们很容易陷入这种误解中。在现实中，想要变得招人喜欢，其实完全在你的掌控之下，而且它与情商有关。

In a study conducted at UCLA, subjects rated over 500 adjectives based on their perceived significance to likeability. The top-rated adjectives had nothing to do with being gregarious³, intelligent, or attractive (innate characteristics). Instead, the top adjectives were sincerity⁴, transparency, and capacity for understanding (another person).

在由加州大学洛杉矶分校进行的一项研究中，受访者根据他们认为能够描述“可爱”的超过500个形容词进行了一番评价。最受欢迎的形容词与善交际、聪明睿智或者美艳动人（与生俱来的特征）等统统无关。相反，得分最高的形容词却是为人真诚、公开透明和体谅他人。

These adjectives, and others like them, describe people who are skilled in the social side of emotional intelligence. TalentSmart research data from more than a million people shows that people who possess these skills aren’t just highly likeable, they outperform those who don’t by a large margin⁵.

这些形容词，和其他一些与之类似的词语，都是用来描述在情商方面擅长社交的人。Talent Smart对上百万人进行这项调查的结果显示，掌握这些技能的人不仅非常讨人喜欢，而且远比那些缺乏这类技能的人好出很多。

We did some digging to uncover the key behaviors that emotionally intelligent people engage in that make them so likeable. Here are 13 of the best:

我们进行了一些深入研究，想要发现高情商的人之所以能如此讨人喜欢的关键行为。以下便是其中最突出的13种：

They Ask Questions

他们提出问题

The biggest mistake people make when it comes to listening is they’re so focused on what they’re going to say next or how what the other person is saying is going to affect them that they fail to hear what’s being said. The words come through loud and clear, but the meaning is lost.

在倾听别人说话时，人们犯的最大错误就是，他们太过于专注自己接下来要讲的内容，或者其他人的讲话内容对自己产生的影响，因此忽视了别人所说的内容。虽然别人说得清清楚楚，但作为倾听者的你却不得要领。

A simple way to avoid this is to ask a lot of questions. People like to know you’re listening, and something as simple as a clarification question shows that not only are you listening, you also care about what they’re saying. You’ll be surprised how much respect and appreciation⁶ you gain just by asking questions.

避免这种情况的一种简单方式就是多提问题。人们想知道你是在倾听，而像提问这样简单易行的事情不但能说明你确实在听，而且还在意他们说的内容。你将惊奇地发现，通过提问，你会获得尊重和赏识。

They Put Away Their Phones

他们收起自己的手机

Nothing will turn someone off to you like a mid-conversation text message or even a quick glance at your phone. When you commit to a conversation, focus all of your energy on the conversation. You will find that conversations are more enjoyable and effective when you immerse yourself in them.

没有什么行为比在谈话中发短信或者哪怕只是扫一眼手机更让人扫兴的了。当你投入和别人的交谈时，将自己所有的精力都集中在这场谈话中。你将发现，当你沉浸其中的时候，这些谈话会更有趣和有效。

They Are Genuine

他们为人真诚

Being genuine and honest is essential to being likeable. No one likes a fake. People gravitate toward those who are genuine because they know they can trust them. It is difficult to like someone when you don’t know who they really are and how they really feel.

为人真诚大方是变得讨人喜欢的关键。没有人喜欢骗子。人们更容易被真诚的人所吸引，是因为他们知道这些人值得信赖。当你不了解一些人的真实面目及其真实感受时，你会很难喜欢上他们。

Likeable people know who they are. They are confident enough to be comfortable in their own skin. By concentrating on what drives you and makes you happy as an individual, you become a much more interesting person than if you attempt to win people over by making choices that you think will make them like you.

讨人喜欢的人了解真正的自己。他们拥有足够的信心以真面貌与人相处。想要让人觉得你有趣，与其为了取悦他人而一味地讨好，还不如专心做自己，后者的效果反而要好得多。

They Don’t Pass Judgment⁷

他们不会先入为主地做判断

If you want to be likeable you must be open-minded. Being open-minded makes you approachable and interesting to others. No one wants to have a conversation with someone who has already formed an opinion and is not willing to listen.

如果你想变得讨人喜欢，那么你必须思想开明。思想开明会令你平易近人并吸引他人。没有人愿意和认知固化、不愿意去倾听的人进行交流。

Having an open mind is crucial in the workplace where approachability means access to new ideas and help. To eliminate preconceived notions and judgment, you need to see the world through other people’s eyes. This doesn’t require you believe what they believe or condone⁸ their behavior, it simply means you quit passing judgment long enough to truly understand what makes them tick. Only then can you let them be who they are.

思想开明在职场至关重要，是因为平易近人意味着可以获取新的想法和帮助。为了消除先入为主的观念和判断，你必须通过别人的眼睛来看世界。这并不需要你相信他们所相信的，抑或纵容他们的行为，只是意味着不要带着先入为主的心态去真正理解别人的所作所为。只有这样，才能让别人向你展示他们真实的面貌。