I am constantly reading thoughtful opinion pieces urging people to turn off their electronic devices and retake control of their lives. Let your email pile up. Deep-six all social media. Turn off your phone. Stop tweeting. Cut off the outside world, get in touch with your inner self, release your mind from all that tension. Just chill.

我常常会读到一些颇有见地的观点文章，呼吁人们关掉电子设备，重新掌控自己的生活。这些文章说，不要理会堆积成山的电子邮件，也不要去管社交媒体上所有信息。关掉手机。不要再上Twitter。切断与外界的联系，与内在的自我交流，把心灵从重重压力中释放出来。放松一下。

True, these Don't Worry, Be Happy suggestions are almost always issued by out-of-the-loop baby boomers who do not text, are not on Facebook, hate email and would never dream of owning a smartphone. But just because a baby boomer suggests something doesn't automatically mean it is wrong. And since I am a baby boomer, and since I deeply resent the all-pervasive intrusion of electronic media into my life, I have started to take these suggestions to heart. Last week, my wife and I went to the Connecticut shore for a brief vacation, and before I left I turned off my phone and stuffed my laptop in the closet. For the next four days I would refrain from reading my email, checking my phone messages or eyeballing any incoming texts. (I am not on Facebook, because I dread¹ to find out what my kids are up to in Virginia Beach.) For the next four days, I would seal myself off from the world.

没错，这种“别担心，开心点”之类的建议几乎都是出自耳目闭塞的婴儿潮一代人之口，他们不发文本信息，不上Facebook，讨厌电子邮件，也从没想过要拥有智能手机。不过，不能仅仅因为某个建议是婴儿潮一代人提出的就说它是错的。鉴于我本人也属于婴儿潮一代，再加上我痛恨电子媒体对我生活的全方位渗透，我已经开始认真考虑这些建议了。前段时间，我和妻子到康涅狄格州的海边度了个短假，在我离家之前，我把手机关了，还把笔记本电脑收进了壁橱里。在接下来的四天里，我决定不读电子邮件，不查手机短信，也不看我收到的任何文本信息（我也不上Facebook，因为我害怕发现孩子们在弗吉尼亚比奇(Virginia Beach)都做了些什么）。在接下来的四天里，我会让自己与世隔绝。

The initial results were fantastic. I enjoyed every second on the beach, which gave me time to clear my head and read four books and wax philosophical² about the meaning of life. By the time our sojourn³ was over, I felt relaxed and refreshed, ready to go home and take on the world. Abstaining⁴ from electronic interfacing⁵ had eased the tension in my neck, packed up all my cares and woes⁶, turned me into a new man. The Luddites were right: Life was not only possible, but was actually better, without email, smartphones, texts. The whole experience made me realize how foolish I was to succumb⁷ to the tyranny of technology.

iStock短信没有及时查看会有什么样的后果？一开始简直是妙极了。我享受着海滩上的分分秒秒，我终于有时间理清思绪，我读了四本书，并且从哲学角度思索了人生的意义。到假期结束的时候，我感到很放松，感觉神清气爽，为回到家里重新面对世界做好了准备。禁用电子产品减轻了我脖子的压力，把我所有忧虑烦恼都打包带走了，让我整个人面貌焕然一新。反对科技的卢德主义者(Luddites)是对的：如果没有电子邮件、智能手机和文本信息，我们不仅能够生活下去，而且会过得更好。这整个一段经历让我认识到，自己一度屈从于科技的暴政是多么愚蠢啊。

Then things turned sour. When I got back home Sunday night I found out that the police had been trying to reach me all day Saturday because someone had broken into my home and stolen my car. The thieves stole all my art, my wife's jewelry⁸, two priceless Martin guitars and most of my Los Lobos CDs. It took hours for the cops to get the alarm system turned off because nobody knew the code. The neighbors were really steamed.

不过之后情况就开始变得不妙了。周日晚上回到家的时候，我发现警察周六一整天都在试图与我联系，因为有人闯进我家，偷走了我的车。小偷偷走了我所有的艺术品，我妻子的珠宝，还偷走了两把贵重的马丁(Martin)吉他和我收藏的大多数“灰狼一族”乐队(Los Lobos)CD。警察们花了好几个小时才把警报系统关掉，因为没人知道密码。邻居们都很恼。

That wasn't all. One of my oldest friends emailed from London to say that he was stopping by New York on his way home to Australia but would only be in town Sunday afternoon. I hadn't seen him since 1989. But I wasn't checking my email so I never found out that he was in town till I got home Sunday evening. By that time he was gone. Maybe I'll catch up with him on his next visit in 2035.

这还没完。我的一个铁杆老友从伦敦给我发来一封电子邮件，说他返回澳大利亚时会在纽约短暂逗留，但只有周日下午在纽约。我俩1989年以来就从没见过面。但由于我一直没有查看电子邮件，所以我直到周日晚上到家时才知道他来纽约了。而那时他已经走了。下次他再来的话就得到2035年了，或许到那时我们能有机会见上一面。

My broker⁹ left a phone message Thursday morning saying that Apple was going to win its lawsuit¹⁰ over Samsung on Friday, so I could make a killing¹¹ by going long on Apple and shorting Samsung. Particularly if I tapped into the home-equity loan and leveraged¹² up. But I had to do it right away or miss out on the chance of a lifetime. Unfortunately, I had my phone shut off. My dreams of retiring to Aix-en-Provence are gone. Now I'll have to retire to Aix-en-Poughkeepsie.

我的股票经纪人周四早晨给我电话留言，说苹果公司(Apple)周五将赢得与三星电子(Samsung)的诉讼，如果我做多苹果，做空三星电子，就可以大赚一笔。要是我动用物业套现贷款，增加杠杆比率的话，恐怕能赚得更多。但我必须立即下手，否则就会失去这千载难逢的机会。不幸的是，我把手机给关了。我退休后到法国普罗旺斯地区艾克斯(Aix-en-Provence)居住的梦想破灭了，现在我退休后只好去纽约州“波基普西市艾克斯”(Aix-en-Poughkeepsie)了。

Friday afternoon, a local radio station emailed that I had won 16 VIP tickets to see Springsteen in September. Plus backstage passes. But I had to respond within 24 hours. No dice¹³. Running through my remaining texts, phone messages and emails, I found out that I had been asked to appear on 'The Tonight Show' but had to fly out Friday morning, and had been invited to attend a fantasy rock 'n' roll camp hosted by Prince, Jimmy Page and Eric Clapton, but needed to confirm my attendance within 12 hours.

周五下午，本地一家广播电台给我发来邮件，通知我赢得了16张9月份斯普林斯汀(Springsteen)演唱会的VIP入场券，外加后台通行证，但我必须在24小时之内回复。可我没法回复。在翻看余下的文本信息、手机短信和电子邮件时，我发现自己曾受邀参加“今夜秀”(The Tonight Show)，但必须在周五早晨乘飞机出发，我还受邀参加由王子(Prince)、佩奇(Jimmy Page)和克莱普顿(Eric Clapton)主持的梦幻摇滚营，但我必须在12小时之内确认参加。

Last but not least, Prince Harry¹⁴ texted over the weekend to invite me and my wife to a party in Manhattan. Somehow, the royal family found out that my wife was a British C.P.A., and Prince Harry was having a costume party where everybody had to dress up as a British expat C.P.A. Pippa was going to be there, too, as she had once considered a career in accountancy. But I wasn't checking texts or emails or phone messages while I was on vacation, because I was trying to relax, unwind, get in touch with my inner self. Now I am in touch with my inner self. And my inner self is an idiot.

最后，哈里王子(Prince Harry)周末期间发来信息，邀请我和妻子参加在曼哈顿举行的一场社交聚会。英国皇室不知怎么发现我妻子是英国注册会计师，而哈里王子准备开一场化妆晚会，每个人都得穿成驻外英国注册会计师的样子。皮帕(Pippa)也会到场，因为她曾考虑在会计行业工作。但我度假时没有查看文本信息、电子邮件或手机短信，因为我想放松放松，减减压，与自己的内心进行交流。现在我接触到了内在的自我，但我发现内在的自我是个大笨蛋。