Fight about one thing at a time

一次只争吵一件事

"Don't fight about more than one issue at once. It's easy when we're upset or frustrated¹ to remember a list of grievances² from the past, but it's counterproductive. Instead, try to stick to the issue at hand."

"千万不要一次性争吵一件以上的事情。伤心、沮丧的时候，我们很容易就会想到以前的种种不满，但这样做反而会适得其反。相反，你可以试着争吵手头的问题。"

Be emotionally honest

忠于自己的感受

"Emotional honesty is important. Don't hide from an argument. Sometimes, when asked 'what's wrong?' our common answer is 'nothing.' But when you're in a strong, healthy relationship, there's the opportunity for emotional honesty. You can dig deep, be brave, and speak up for yourself. Your truth may be met with confrontation³ at first, but, in the long run, emotional honesty offers the only chance for change, repair, and growth."

"忠于自己的感受是很重要的。不要逃避争吵。有时候，当另一半问自己'怎么了？'的时候，我们通常会回答'没事儿。'但如果你们的感情牢固、健康，那就有机会忠于自己的感受。你可以说得深入一点、要勇敢一点，说出自己的心里话。刚开始，你的坦诚也许会受到质疑，但长远看来，忠于自己的感情为改变、修复和成长提供了唯一的机会。"

Take responsibility for your part

承担自己应该承担的责任

"While it can be easier to blame your partner, challenge yourself by reflecting on how you may be contributing to the conflict. Ask yourself how you can approach the argument more effectively."

"虽然责备另一半会更容易，但挑战自己吧，反省自己是不是该对这次争吵负责。问问自己如何能更有效的谈论争吵的话题。"

Keep fights short

不要吵太久

"Don't drag out fights. If a couple has a fight, some time apart could be necessary for everyone to calm down and think more rationally. But, a refusal to make up, especially as punishment, can create bigger problems in the long-term. By drawing out apologies and delaying the start of communication, it also prolongs the negative feelings, especially if one person wants to make up. Communicating and ending an argument in a relatively⁴ short amount of time is preferable, especially before both partners go to sleep."

"不要拖延你们的争吵。如果情侣之间吵架了，有时候分开对于每个人来说都是必要的，可以冷静下来、更理智的思考。但长远看来，拒绝和好会造成更大的问题，尤其是将其视作惩罚时情况更是如此。延长道歉和沟通的时间会使负面情绪相应延长，当一方想要和好时更是如此。"

Don't sweat the details

不要仔细琢磨细节

"Arguments help you figure out what you're actually fighting about - an invaluable⁵ lesson! When you delete the details of an argument, you quickly realize it wasn't about being on the phone too much, spending too much time with friends, or not picking up around the house. It's about not feeling seen and heard, not feeling cared for, feeling taken advantage of. It takes practice not to get caught up in the details of an argument, but if you stop to feel rather than think, you can address the underlying⁶ issue and stop having the same fights - with different details - over and over again."

"争论能帮助你弄明白自己在吵什么--一个宝贵的教训！当忽略争吵的细节时，你会很快意识到，你们争吵的原因根本就不是因为玩手机太多、和好朋友相处的时间太久或是没有收拾屋子。而是因为感觉另一半不听自己说话、不看自己、不关心自己，或感觉自己被利用了。不陷于争吵的细节是需要练习的，但如果你不再凭感受，而是去思考，那么你就能解决潜在的问题，并停止一次又一次细节不同的相同争吵。"