I don't like to judge or talk poorly about people and I sincerely believe that EVERY single person possesses at least 3 wonderful qualities.

我不喜欢评价别人或者说别人的坏话，我由衷地相信，每个人都至少具有3条极佳的品质。

In fact, it is a game I sometimes play when I get really frustrated¹ with someone. While I am huffing and puffing², I try to find 3 positive qualities about the person, who has pushed my buttons. Not always an easy task, but 3 good qualities is a realistic number.

实际上，这是当我确认因某人而抓狂时有时会做的一个游戏。当我要大发雷霆时，我努力去寻找惹我生气的这个人的3条积极的品质。这并不总是一件容易的事，但是3条好品质的确是现实存在的。

So where were we… Oh, yes – people that make our life harder. Not because they are bad people, but because they do certain things that may demotivate us, hurt our feelings or rub³ our ego⁴ the wrong way. Ultimately⁵, it is not their problem but ours.

好吧，我们说到哪里了……哦，对，生活中令我们抓狂的人。这不是因为他们是坏人，而是因为他们做的某些事可能会让我们失去动力、伤害我们的感情或者磨灭了我们的自我意识。归根结底，这不是他们的问题，而是我们自己的问题。

So here is what we can do to avoid unnecessary conflicts, stress and hard feelings.

因此，做到以下几点可以让我们避免不必要的冲突、压力和怨气。

1.Teachers that suggest that we might not be talented enough to do something

1.暗示我们没天分做不好某事的老师

Years ago psychologists did a classroom experiment. A group of children were randomly⁶ divided into two classes. The teachers were told that the students in first class were high achievers that should do well. The second class was labeled as "underachievers" who needed special help.

几年前心理学家做了一个课堂实验。一群孩子被随机分成两个班。老师们被告知：第一个班里的学生是优等生，会表现很好。第二个班的学生则被打上标签：需要特殊帮助的"差等生"。

At the beginning of the year there was no difference between the two groups of children in terms of ability. However, by the end of the school year the class that was labeled ‘high-achievers' did better than average work, while the class of so-called "underachievers" not only scored poorly, but they were less liked by their teacher.

在学年初，两个班的孩子在能力方面并没有表现出什么不同。然而，到了学年末，被认为是"优等生"的班级成绩要出色得多，然而所谓的"差等生"的班级不仅考试分数很低，也不怎么受老师喜欢。

It turned out that people unconsciously create situations that encourage expected behavior. If our expectations of a person are negative, we actually encourage them to behave negatively.

结果表明，人们无意中创造了一些激励预期行为的环境。如果我们对一个人的期望是消极的，我们真的会导致他们去做一些消极的事情。

What to do about it:

如何应对：

If you want to change someone else's behavior, change your expectations about this person. Expect better from people, treat them accordingly and sooner or later they will begin to act that way.

如果你想改变别人的行为，那就改变你对此人的期望。对人们期望得更好，并相应地去对待他们，迟早他们会开始如你所愿去做的。