Q: My best friend is rude to other people when we're out - doesn't say please or thank you, doesn't tip, doesn't hold the door open for other people, doesn't care if she talks loudly on the phone in a crowd. I see other people reacting to her, and it makes me embarrassed to be around her. Should I say something?

问题：在外面的时候，闺蜜对别人的态度总是很粗鲁--不会说请或谢谢、不给小费、不会为他人扶门、不会介意自己在人群中大声打电话。看到其他人对她做出的反应，我不经感到尴尬。我是不是该说些什么？

You absolutely should let your friend know that you find her behaviours disrespectful to others and to you and it stresses you out. You have to set a boundary here: That when you are out together, a standard of manners must be upheld.

你当然应该让你的朋友知道：她的行为对他人、对你都是一种不尊重，会让你感到压力。你必须划定一条界限：当你们一起出门的时候，她必须要有礼貌。

That's not exactly something you can just toss easily into conversation, or it'll land like a bomb. So think about how you want to say it. Maybe start from a place of concern, and say something like, "Hey I just want to check in… is everything okay? I noticed at the restaurant you were really short fused with the server . . . Is anything up?"

这不是件可以轻松聊起的事，否则会像炸弹落地一样，产生影响。所以，想想你该如何提及这件事。或许先谈一件你所关心的，说一些类似"嗨，我只是想知道你一切都还好吗？我注意到你在饭店的时候对服务员很不耐烦，出什么事了吗？"之类的话。

Give your friend a chance to be reflective and self aware. See how she processes your question, and give her time to do so. If your impatient, she will likely feel attacked. The next step is letting your friend know how you felt in certain situations. Again, don't give 10 examples - just one is good.

让你的朋友有反思、有自我意识的机会。看看她会如何处理你的问题，也给她一些时间。如果你十分不耐烦，那她会感觉受到了攻击。下一步就是让你的朋友知道你在特定情况下的感受。不要举10个例子--一个就好。

If you are respectful and give her some space and she still gets defensive¹, then maybe it's a battle you need to rethink. I am curious what you have in common with this person, and what you enjoy about your time together. What are you getting from this friendship?

如果你尊重她，给了她一定的空间，但她还是辩称自己的行为，那也许这是一场你需要重新思考的'战斗'。我很好奇你和这个人的共同点，在一起的时候你又在享受什么？你从这段友谊中收获了什么？

Because there is another option here: Life is short and if you don't feel good when with her maybe you need to assess whether this is someone you would like to invest your time and energy in. Perhaps I am missing a big piece here! Personally, I have always been a loyal type, someone who loves fiercely, and always wants to find ways to resolve issues.

因为还有另外一个选择：人生苦短，如果你和她在一起的时候不开心，那也许你需要重新评估一番，你是否希望在这个人身上投入时间和精力？也许我对你们的感情不甚了解！我个人一直都是忠诚的朋友，我爱的热烈，总会想方法解决问题。