1. "You never..." or "You always..."

1. "你从来不……"或"你总是……"

"These all-or-nothing phrases are typically exaggerations and used to illustrate¹ a point or elicit² an emotional response. However, these statements are often inaccurate³ (e.g., 'You never listen to me!') and can set your partner up to become defensive⁴. As a result, they'll likely miss the true message of what you are trying to say and will instead focus on proving you wrong, leading to a circular conversation or argument that goes nowhere.

"这种要么全有要么全无的话语通常都是夸张说法，用来说明一个观点或爆发情绪。然而，这些说法通常都是不准确的（比如'你从来不听我说话！'），也会让另一半变得有防御性。因此，他们很有可能错过你想要表达的真正信息，而将注意力集中至证明你是错的，从而导致对话不断的循环，或者你们的争论毫无进展。"

"Instead, be specific and objective about what is bothering you, use an 'I' statement, and stick to the facts. For example, 'I felt hurt and disregarded yesterday when I asked you to pick up your things before our company arrived and you didn't. Next time we have guests, I'd really appreciate the help.'"

"相反，你应该明确的、客观的说清楚困扰你的事情，用我作为主语，坚持陈述事实。比如，'昨天客人来之前，我让你帮我拿一下东西，但你却没有这么做，我很难过，感觉被忽视了。希望下一次客人来的时候，你能帮我这个忙，我真的很感激你能这么做。'"

2. "You're acting⁵ just like your mother."

2. "你现在的行为和你妈一样！"

"Or brother, crazy best friend or drunk uncle, etc. This move dismisses whatever issue is on the table and goes straight for character assassination⁶. The strategy here: If you're losing the argument, kill your opponent. Yes, you may well act like your mother, but that's not the point."

"或者是兄弟、疯癫的死党、喝醉的叔叔等。这句话会让你们撇开正在争论的事，直接就是人身攻击啊。策略：如果快吵输了，那就'杀'了对手吧。是的，你的行为举止可能和你妈妈很像，但这根本不是重点好嘛。"

争吵时千万别说这些话…….jpg

3. "I'll talk to you when you can be rational."

3. "等你恢复理智，我再和你说话。"

"This is hardly a rational statement. It's meant to inflict⁷ emotional injury rather than ask for a timeout. When arguments get heated, a timeout to let the cortisol and adrenaline settle (for about 20 minutes) is a good idea. Identify the chemical cause: 'We're getting too elevated -- I know I am. It's that damn cortisol and adrenaline! Let's take 20 minutes so we can talk respectfully like we want and deserve.'"

"这句话本身就不理智，会造成情绪上的伤害，而不是要求暂停吵架。当你们越吵越激烈时，暂停争吵会让皮质醇和肾上腺素恢复正常水平（大概20分钟），所以暂停是个好主意。确定化学因素：'我们吵得太凶的'--至少我是这样的。都怪那该死的皮质醇和肾上腺素！咱先休息20分钟，然后再在尊重彼此的情况下讨论吧。"

4. "We're done! I'm out of here!"

4. "我们结束了！我要离开这儿！"

"Words do matter. Avoid saying things you'll regret later. Threatening abandonment is probably the most hurtful thing you can say or do to your partner, especially if you really don't mean it. It's one thing to want to take a breather, get some space and cool down. It's another to basically say, 'I don't love you anymore and am leaving.'"

"言辞真的很重要。不要说让自己后悔的话。威胁离他/她而去也许是最令另一半受伤的事，尤其当你本意并非如此的时候更是如此。先休息一下、给彼此一点空间冷静是一件事，但是说'我不再爱你了，我要离开你'又是另一件事。"