It's an age-old debate: Can men and women really just be best friends-or are they bound to fall for one another eventually? The answer changes depending on who you ask. And complicating¹ the question even more is the fact that a romantic relationship needn't be physical to be real. Hence the increasingly popular term "emotional affair."

这是一场由来已久的辩论：男女之间真的存在纯友谊吗--亦或是他们最终会爱上彼此呢？问的对象不同，得到的答案也不尽相同。这个问题更复杂的一点是：一段浪漫的恋情不一定是肉体上的。因此，"精神出轨"这个术语越来越为流行。

So what is an emotional affair exactly? According to Kenneth Rosenberg, PhD, author of the new book Infidelity: Why Men and Women Cheat ($26, amazon.com), an emotional affair occurs between two people who share a mutual² attraction and a deep, loving relationship that does not involve sex.

所以什么才是精神出轨？Infidelity: Why Men and Women Cheat（亚马逊网有售，26美元）一书的作者肯尼思·罗森博格博士表示，当两个人相互吸引、不发生性关系，但却深深地爱着彼此时，这就是精神出轨。

You're being secretive

你在偷偷摸摸

The telltale sign of an emotional affair? "There's no way in hell you'd tell your primary partner about the relationship," says Rosenberg. That doesn't necessarily mean your S.O. doesn't know you're close with this other person; they just might not realize the extent of the friendship. "We all keep secrets from our partners and we might even have relationships that we might not tell them much about, but if it's a relationship where you know there's some sexual tension and you keep it from your partner, that's a sign you're in troubled waters," says Rosenberg. That brings us to our next point.

能说明精神出轨的迹象？"无论如何，你都不会告诉你的恋人关于你和他/她的感情，"罗森博格说道。这并不一定意味着你的另一半不知道你和这个人走的很近；可能他们只是没有意识到你们的友谊如此之深。"我们都有秘密瞒着另一半，也许有些感情我们就是不想过多的告诉他们。但如果在这段感情中，你和那个人都有性冲动，你却对另一半避而不谈这件事，那这就是你陷入困境的迹象了，"罗森博格说道。这就带来了下一个问题。

The tension is palpable

这种冲动是可以感知的

"In an emotional affair, sex is not on the table but is generally under the table," writes Rosenberg in his book. Translation: You aren't hooking up, but a desire to is felt on both sides. And it's more than just a fleeting⁴ attraction. "Sexual tension is par³ for the course in flirtation," says Rosenberg. "But this type [of tension] is more intense."

"这是精神出轨，暂时不考虑有关性的问题，但一般来说，大家都会思考这个问题，"罗森博格在他的书中写道。换言之：你们没有勾搭彼此，但双方都能感受对方的意愿。而且并不是露水情缘哦。"性冲动与调情的过程是类似的，"罗森博格说道。"但这种冲动更为热烈。"

You may find yourself fantasizing about your emotional fling while you're having sex with your primary partner, or thinking to yourself, "If only we could have sex without being unfaithful...." The main point is that you feel enough intimacy⁵ or sexual chemistry to get it on with this other person-and you wish you could.

当你与另一半发生性关系的时候，你可能在幻想与之精神出轨的他/她，或者这样想到，"如果我们又能发生关系，又不用出轨就好了……"关键是你感觉你和另一个人足够亲密，或者你们很来电--你希望真的是这样就好了。