It's no secret that the dating scene today is a battlefield. Being single as a millennial¹ means dodging² metaphorical³ bullets in the form of unwanted intimate pictures, commitment issues (both yours and theirs) and dates who look nothing like their (mirror selfie) photos.

大家都知道，当今时代的约会就和打仗一样。身为千禧一代却单身，这意味着你需要躲避别人的含沙射影，比如不愿意拍亲密照、不轻易承诺（你和对方都是）、以及照片（对着镜子自拍）和本人大相径庭的约会对象。

But perhaps the most brutal⁴ new dating "trend" with which we have to contend is ghosting. For the lucky uninitiated, this is when someone simply stops replying to the messages of their love interest and can happen at any stage of the "relationship".

但或许，我们不得不面对这一最新潮约会趋势--约会对象如鬼魅般消失。有些人很幸运，没有这方面的经验，这实际上是指对方不再给感兴趣的约会对象回复信息，而且会发生在恋情的任一阶段。

You could still be chatting on a dating app when your new match suddenly goes quiet, or in the worst cases, you might have been "seeing" each other for months when they suddenly disappear, never to be seen or heard from again.

当新谈的约会对象突然间默不作声，或者最糟糕的情况--你们已经谈了很久，但他却突然消失，再也听不到他的消息时，你还是可以在约会软件上找人聊天。

I have been ghosted more times than I can count, but that doesn't make it OK, especially if you've met up in person. It can leave you feeling less than great too.

很多约会对象都玩过这一套，多得我都数不清了，但我觉得这种做法并不妥，尤其是当你已经和对方见过面时。这会让你很失落。

With all this in mind, I decided⁵ to track down the various guys who'd ghosted me over the years and ask them why they'd done it.

考虑到这些情况，我决定'跟踪'这些男生，他们有一个共同点：突然间不理我了。找到他们之后，我要问他们这么做的原因。

My first target was a guy called Adam*. We'd matched on a dating app and moved to Whatsapp where the banter⁶ was flowing. But then, out of nowhere, Adam ghosted me. I'd asked him a question, but got no reply.

我的第一个目标是Adam。一个约会软件将我们匹配在一起，然后我们加了好友（Whatsapp），开始互撩。但后来，Adam却突然消失了。我问了他一个问题，但他没有回复我。

So, three months later, I got back in touch. I decided to try the approach of not revealing my motives⁷ and went with a simple: "Hi Adam, I realise it's totally out of the blue to hear from me but how are you?"

所以，3个月后，我又联系了他。我决定不暴露自己的动机，只是说："Adam你好，我知道突然找你很冒昧，但你最近过得怎么样？"

Adam replied. He was well, and politely asked how I was too.

Adam回复了，他说很好，还礼貌性的问我最近过得怎么样。

I decided then to be honest and say I was doing some research into ghosting and was asking people why they do it - so why did he?

我决定对他诚实，所以说我在做一些关于突然消失（ghosting）方面的研究，正在问那些人为何要这么做，你又为什么要这么做？

"I do think it's strange for people to have met and then one of them ghost the other, but if you have no mutual⁸ friends and one person doesn't see it going anywhere, the communication suddenly becomes a chore," Adam told me. Fair play.

"我觉得见了面之后再突然玩消失的确很怪异，但如果你们没有共同好友，另一个人觉得你们的发展情况不乐观，那他/她就会突然间意识到--这种交流是有压力的，"Adam对我说。说得好像有点道理！