We look at some of the most ridiculous descriptions of student life at university - such as Hamlet, Zuleika Dobson and Brideshead Revisited.

Hamlet

People take a term out for lots of reasons, but rarely to go home to avenge¹ the murder of their father by their uncle. That said, “something is rotten in the state of Denmark” would make a cool excuse for a late essay

Brideshead Revisited

Teddy bears, punting, white tie, Catholicism, thinly veiled homosexuality: ideal social tactics in Glasgow

The Secret History

Hard to say what’s less likely — murdering an annoying chap at a Bacchanal and leaving his body in the snow, or studying Greek

Chariots of Fire

If you are a contender for a sprint² gold medal at the next Olympics, your college will try to disrupt your training programme and subject you to anti-Semitic prejudice

The Social Network

Real-life computer scientists, if they speak at all, do not sound like Aaron Sorkin scripts. And more students would create billion-dollar companies if they didn’t spend three years on Facebook

The Glass Bead³ Game

Lots of abstruse⁴ games are played at university, it’s true, but for some reason Hermann Hesse makes almost no mention of banter⁵, chat, chundering, the lash⁶, gap years, VK apple, jaegerbombs, lads or Ladiators

Zuleika Dobson

Max Beerbohm’s total babe goes to Oxford⁷, doesn’t immediately put out, becomes a totem pole of obsession⁸ for all the men at the university. Everybody knows someone a bit like this, but we don’t all drown ourselves over them

The Glittering Prizes

Frederic Raphael update: the prizes are now in Beijing. And the only glittering is the sun bouncing off the tear?stained cheeks of people who thought Media Studies was a good choice of course - By Ed Cumming,26 Sep 2011