It turns out that a long, happy marriage resembles a slow-moving rom-com, one that plays out over decades.

事实证明，长久而美满的婚姻就像一部延续几十年的漫长浪漫喜剧。

The first few years of a marriage are rife¹ with conflicts, but the emotional weather eventually changes, according to a new study by psychology² researchers at UC Berkeley.

美国加州大学伯克利分校的心理学研究人员的一项新研究显示，婚姻的头几年会冲突不断，但情感状况最终会变化。

In time, humor -- friendly teasing, jokes, and silliness -- becomes more prevalent, and bickering³ and criticisms decline.

随着时间的推移，幽默--调侃、玩笑和装傻--变得更为常见，争吵和批评渐少。

These findings, which must be among the sweetest to enter the crowded field of relationships research, were reached after psychologists analyzed⁴ videotaped interactions of 87 couples who had been married 15 to 35 years, and followed them over 13 years.

这项研究结果是心理学家分析了87对15年至35年婚龄夫妇的互动视频，并对他们进行了长达13年的跟踪调查后得出的，而且这一定是众多的人际关系研究领域里最甜蜜的部分。

The study's conclusions contradict an existing theory that positive emotions fade over time in a long relationship, point out the co-lead authors, Robert Levenson, a UC Berkeley psychology professor, and Alice Verstaen, a postdoctoral fellow at the VA Puget Sound health center.

该论文的联合作者、加州大学伯克利分校的心理学教授罗伯特·利文森和退伍军人管理局皮吉特湾健康中心的博士后埃利斯·弗斯滕指出，这项研究得出的结论与现有理论相悖--该理论的观点是，积极的情绪在一段长久关系中会随着时间的推移渐渐消退。

However, they align⁵ nicely with other recent longitudinal studies that show a U-shaped pattern of happiness in lengthy⁶ marriages. The questions of how unions change, and what triggers different twists and turns, are not settled.

不过，这个结论与近期其他纵向研究结果吻合，这些纵向研究显示，在漫长的婚姻中，人们的幸福感呈U形分布。但是这个U形会如何变化，以及是什么引发了它的曲折，这些问题还没有解决。

研究发现 幽默能让婚姻长期'保鲜'

Importantly, jokes and gentle humor were not the only heroic behaviors that showed up in greater abundance in the marriages they followed.

重要的是，在他们跟踪研究的婚姻中，那些丰富了整个生活的英勇行为远远不止开玩笑和幽默。

All the positive ways we can behave toward someone became more evident as the years passed, but primarily humor, enthusiasm, and validation⁷ (actively listening to and understanding your partner). Criticisms dropped off, as did the truly toxic⁸, divorce-courting habits like stonewalling. Men demonstrated less anger, and women less contempt.

时光流转，人们表现出来的一切积极方式都变得更加明显，但主要是幽默、热情和肯定（积极倾听和理解伴侣）。批评声消失了，容易引起离婚的不好的习惯（比如拖延）也少了。男方的愤怒少了，女方的蔑视少了。

One outcome of the study was more in keeping with grimmer perceptions of marriages: Older couples were not more affectionate with each other.

这项研究的其中一个结果更符合人们对婚姻的悲观看法：老夫老妻对彼此的好感毫无增进。

They either exchanged about the same number of caring statements and compliments through the years, or, wives offered fewer of them. But there was a silver lining⁹ here, too: Those trajectories¹⁰, the researchers write "offer support for the idea of love evolving as adults age."

他们要么多年来彼此表示关爱和赞美的次数不变，要么逐渐减少。但这也给人一线希望：研究人员写道，这些轨迹“佐证了爱会随着成年人年龄增长而演变的观点”。

Psychological studies -- and, I'm guessing, anecdotal evidence from the long-married couples you know -- have proposed that couples start off with a sense of passionate¹¹ love that morphs into "companionate love" in time. Humor, they say, is arguably an expression of the second kind of devotion.

心理学研究--以及来自老夫老妻的坊间证据--表明，伴侣们一开始炽热如火的爱会随着时间的推移，转变成“互为陪伴的爱”。他们指出，幽默可以说是第二种感情的一个表现。

It's worth keeping in mind that the study had several limitations, including a relatively¹² small sample size, and a limited representation of marriage. It did not include same-sex marriages, for instance, or couples going to marriage counseling. It also only dealt in averages.

值得注意的是，这项研究有若干局限性，包括样本数量相对较小、婚姻的代表性有限。例如，它没有包含同性婚姻，也没有包含那些接受婚姻咨询的夫妇。它只涉及一般婚姻。

And of course companionable humor is no guarantee of a relationship's longevity¹³. Anecdotally, it's easy to point to couples that survived a decades without a hint¹⁴ of shared laughter or goofiness, or ones that ended despite a healthy quotient of humor and compassionate¹⁵ behavior.

而且，毋庸置疑，幽默并不能保证一段感情的长久。坊间流传的故事很容易证明，有些夫妻从不嬉笑搞怪也在一起生活了几十年，有些婚姻虽然不乏幽默和相亲相爱却仍无疾而终。