As a child of divorce, I grew up wanting a different life. I swore I would never have a family and put them through that mess. I would do whatever it took to stay with my spouse¹ for my children.

One day, when I was running errands² with my kids during a particularly horrible rough patch with my husband, I was deep in thought about how to fix our situation. Then I saw mutual³ friends of ours, who were going through a divorce, were in a gas station parking lot, trading off their kids. Their pain was palpable. After witnessing the way they looked at each other, I thought, that can never be us. I wouldn't be able to bear it.

We dug in our heels for another six years. We tried and tried and ultimately⁴ failed to repair our marriage. My ex and I found being together more unbearable⁵ than trying to stay under one roof for the kids.

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When we first talked about separating a year ago, the room felt heavy with guilt⁶, regret and shame. If I am being honest, I still have lots of guilt, even a little regret. But I had to let go of the shame. I needed to stop taking other people's advice: "Try this counselor," "Take a vacation together" or "We went through tough times, too. You'll get over it." It felt like a form of shaming. Maybe it wasn't ...

Through the process, I realized everyone's relationships were different. I haven't told anyone every single detail as to why my marriage was falling apart simply because I didn't want to. And that is OK. I don't owe that to anyone.

As a writer, I have been very open about my divorce, although I initially⁷ didn't think I would be this way. I figured I would only tell a handful of people and try to keep it quiet as best I could because I was ashamed. I changed my mind one evening after walking through my ex's new condo. While I was trying to get used to my new normal, I felt the need to reach out to other women who had been through the same things I was going through.

我父母离婚了，所以我从小就渴望不一样的生活。我发誓：我决不会让我的家人经历这种困境。我会为了孩子尽可能的不离婚。

有段时间我和丈夫特别不合，有一天我正和孩子跑腿买东西，当时的我还在认真思考该如何化解我们的困境。然后，我看到了我俩共同的朋友（他们正在办离婚手续）站在加油站停车场上，互相交换孩子。显而易见，他们是痛苦的。见证他们互看彼此的情景之后，我想，我和爱人永远都不会发生这种情况。我肯定无法忍受这种痛苦。

我们又这样过了6年。不断地尝试之后，我们失败了，最终还是无法修补我们的婚姻。我和前夫都发现：我们在一起比我俩为了孩子而呆在同一屋檐下更令人难以忍受。

一年前，当我们第一次谈及分居之时，整个房间都充斥着内疚、后悔和羞耻。说实话，现在我还是很内疚，甚至有点后悔，但我已经不感到羞耻了。我不能再接受他人的建议："去看看这位顾问吧，""一起出去旅游吧"或是"我们也经历过困难时刻，你们能够克服的！"就好像这是一件很羞耻的事情。但或许这件事本不羞耻呢？

在这个过程中，我意识到每个人的感情情况都是不同的。我还未将我们婚姻失败的细节告诉其他人，只是因为我不想这么做。这没关系啊，我又不欠任何人离婚的理由。

作为一名作家，我对于离婚一事十分开放，尽管我一开始并没有想到这一结局。我觉得我可能只会告诉一小部分人并尽可能的不让其他人知道，因为离婚令我蒙羞。某天晚上，走到前夫新公寓时，我改变了主意。在我试图适应新常态的时候，我觉得有必要接触那些和我有着类似经历的女性。