I have been dating my boyfriend for three months. He is intelligent and thoughtful, sensitive and funny. We are in our 30s and have the same long-term goals - to travel, see where life takes us and not add children to a relationship.

我和男友约会3个月了。他聪明、风趣、有想法、还很会照顾人。我们都已30多岁，有着相同的长期目标--到处旅行，看看生活将会把我们带去何方，同时不要小孩儿。

I wasn't physically¹ attracted to him, but the way he treats me convinced me to give it a go. I'm not convinced there's enough "spark" and find myself inwardly picking apart his appearance and his unwavering devotion to me, which I find soppy and cloying². Some things actively³ turn me off, for example chewing food loudly with his mouth open and getting food all over his face, or the way he dresses. Then I feel guilty as he would not judge me in the same way.

他的身体对我没有什么吸引力，但他对待我的方式说服了我，让我给了这段感情一次机会，但我认为我们之间并不来电。我发现自己内心挑剔着他的颜值，同时又依赖他对我坚定不移的感情，很狡猾吧？有些事情会让我对他失去兴趣，比如：嘴巴大张着大声咀嚼食物、吃了一脸的东西、或是他的穿衣方式。但我又因为他不以同样的方式对我评头品足而感到内疚。

I have dated some very attractive men in the past and valued physical attractiveness probably too highly. Most of these boyfriends were narcissistic⁴ and made me feel insecure about my own attractiveness, something I am usually confident about. I am agonising about throwing away a relationship with a man who really adores me.

我谈过一些非常有吸引力的对象，也许我太重视体格吸引力了吧。我谈过的大多数前任都很自恋，因而让我对自身的吸引力没有安全感（而实际上我对自身的魅力还是很自信的）。我正在为抛弃一位真正喜欢我的男人而感到痛苦。

Should I let him go or stick with it?

我应该和他分手还是坚持谈下去？

Mariella replies Life can, in some ways, be very short. You've written to me at a point in the year when I tend to feel reckless and impatient - "out with the old" becoming my increasingly frenzied⁵ mantra! It's perhaps not the best state of mind to be delivering advice, but happily, in your case, it might be. Normally I'm all about compromise. As I regularly reiterate⁶, few relationships survive the course without epic⁷ levels of endurance and tolerance⁸ from both parties.

玛丽拉回复道，生活有时候非常短暂。你在我一年中往往感到鲁莽和不耐烦的时节给我写信--"旧的不去，新的不来"已越来越多地成为我的口头禅！也许这时候我给出的建议并不是最佳建议，但高兴的是，我或许能为你提出最好的建议。通常情况下，我都愿意妥协。正如我经常重申的那样，恋爱双方若没有史诗般的忍耐和宽容度，这段感情是难以维系的。

Your boyfriend's assets look impressive on paper. A man who's thoughtful, intelligent, sensitive and funny isn't to be sniffed⁹ at, but listed thus they sound like a stereotype¹⁰. Sure, he sounds like a nice guy but, despite the propaganda suggesting otherwise, there are plenty of them about - it's finding one that's tuned¹¹ to your wavelength¹² that counts.

单从你的描述来看，你男朋友的条件还是很不错的。有思想、有智慧、懂得照顾人、还风趣的男士并不会被冷眼相待，但听上去这些品质会让人产生一种刻板印象。当然，我觉得他是一个好人，但不管其它的宣传建议，很多时候你还是需要着眼于找到能和你有共同语言的人。